Confused trying to understand JW GF or soon to be EX

by James87 75 Replies latest social relationships

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  just fine

  Why do you want to put yourself through all of this? There are billions of people on the face of this earth, move on with one of them. You can see that the religion seeks to limit people, control their lives. You cannot save her from this, she has to save herself. JWs prey upon people with low self esteem, limited education, or who are at a low point in their lives. Walk away, live your life, follow your dreams. There is no upside to getting further involved.

  edited to add: please don't tell me it's because you love her. This isn't a healthy love relationship. People who love each other have respect for each other's feelings. She wants you to play a game by her rules or she doesn't play at all. Doesn't sound like love to me.
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  dubstepped

  I think it is easy to confuse wanting to save someone with loving them. If you take away your feelings about what she could be and focus on what she is, I think you'll see that you don't love her, you love a version of her that just isn't reality. You have invested a lot, which makes it hard to walk away from. Kind of like how she has an investment in the JWs that she struggles to fully walk away from. If you met her today and had a crystal ball that showed you this future you'd run, but you're in it now and rationalizing the future. You need to do a sunk cost analysis. Look at it with fresh eyes. You met her for the first time today. Would you pursue this. I doubt it.
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  James87

  Hi Just fine but because they prey on the weak doesnt that also imply the weak can be take out of it. She left before so odds are she can again. Yes i do love her and i do want to help her but thats something only she can do and we all have limits.

  Joe134cd i think thats not a bad idea but at the same time i wonder if it makes sense to with the limited time i spend with her to do that instead of doing things that would bond us more. Then again maybe i am so wrong.
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  James87

  Dubstepped if i met her today i would run for the hills but i know she is more than what she shows now and at times i feel like its im getting the person i met back but again as painful as it is i do need to be realistic which is why i know i have limits and have been preparing myself for this to get better or end. No one wants to torture themselfs
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  just fine

  James87- She left once and never really left mentally or she would not have went back to it.
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  James87

  Hi JustFine, she left because of xyz reason but i do know she went back because she felt everything in her life was a mess. She was hurt she couldnt get me on the fast tract marriage idea and maybe out of despair went back but i cant speak for her on what when on her mind. The notion that she lives isolated, bad internet no real tv and unfortunately started reading the jw i guess from someone she knew before all lead to her going back from my view but who knows. Maybe had i said yes earlier she looks at JW like bleep this. I dont know. I honestly feel like she felt lost going no where and now with this faith that says just devote yourself to god and not studies maybe its like a cop out for her in that aspect?

  I do care about her but also i know my limits and being cold but realistic if i look at this like Dubstepped said just the cost reward aspect and time lost opportunity cost would have had me out the door ages ago. Love does make us foolish at times
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  just fine

  JWs always try to make their actions a result of something you did. Don't fall for it. You said "if I had said yes earlier maybe she wouldn't have went back." It's her choice, her actions, don't take responsibility for her bad behavior.

  i know it sounds cold, but having dealt with my own family members JW craziness, I can speak from experience. JWs explain their bad behavior in terms of what you did to cause it. My sister has done awful things to her children because of "their actions", which consisted of not wanting to be a witness anymore.

  People are also drawn to the witnesses because they don't have to be responsible for the state of their life. The religion takes all the decision making out of it, so the results are not the individuals responsibility.
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  dubstepped

  She's a super damaged person in a cult. People here can't get their spouses out. People lose their entire families. Don't underestimate what you're up against. The cult alone is devastating. This girl will likely always be attracted to it. She's damaged and it offers denial and false hope that will be in the back of her mind until she gets healthy, and that's not likely with her current trajectory.
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  Nathan Natas

  James87, it is becoming obvious that you only want to stubbornly argue with us about how you can magically get this girl to leave the Watchtower because you love your girl more than any other man has loved any other woman.

  This is your first "real relationship" with a human female, isn't it?

  You ASKED for advice, but you were never prepared to accept the advice -- you want to argue with it. We are telling you what we have seen over the course of multiple individual lifetimes and through playing sounding board numerous times for people who have made the same disastrous decision that you want to make.

  But you think we don't understand how DIFFERENT your situation is. Here's a secret: you're not different from other guys, and she's not different from other girls. Only your names are different.

  We can see evidence of the depth to which you have deceived yourself about this girl's situation and your total lack of understanding about how good relationships -- and cults -- work.

  You are uninformed and you are weak; too weak to act in your own self-interest. The psychological term is "pussy whipped." That's ALL you can think about; all your problems will be solved if you can just get to that magical pussy. You're wrong.
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  joe134cd

  I'm just curious but is she from the Phillipines.