Confused trying to understand JW GF or soon to be EX

by James87 73 Replies latest social relationships

  • Village Idiot
    Village Idiot

    James, if you were to actually marry her what would your fate be? Maybe she won't want a child because of the doomsday scare bit that makes them think the world will be annihilated soon.

    If you do have children, she will bring them up as JWs. That is something you don't want to see. They will be isolated from those outside the religion. Forced to spend their weekends going door to door or looking like mannequins by a literature cart. And face death by not accepting a blood transfusion.

  • Saethydd
    Saethydd

    She wants me to marry her then because i wasnt ready at day X doesnt want to get married at all no that i want to. Things like that make no sense to me.

    That's the guilt coming out, when she first started back wth the JWs she wanted to get married right away to fix the fact that she was having premarital sex by getting married to you, however, now she is probably being told not to "yolk herself to an unbeliever." JWs have strict views on such things and don't allow much leeway for personal values, this creates the effect your observing, she's desperately pulling herself away from what she actually wants and cares about in an effort to conform to what is expected of her a JW. It's screwed up I know, but that's what's going on with her right now.

  • James87
    James87
    Hi DesirousOfChange, the problem is i do love her. This is someone i have been with for 2 years. She was not always like this and if she makes something that drastic the pendulum swings both ways. Its just so frustrating. Sincerely their are days i ask myself why. At times i almost feel like this is Karma striking back at me. On another level i finally find someone who i though would make a good wife and she goes cuckoo for cocoa puffs on me. Granted the marriage would have had a prenup but still so torn frustrated and to a degree doubt because typically i am very good a reading people but here i feel like i have failed to a point. i am a fool in love but even this fool knows this cant continue this way. its not good for my health and sanity.
  • James87
    James87

    "Village Idiot
    7 minutes ago

    James, if you were to actually marry her what would your fate be? Maybe she won't want a child because of the doomsday scare bit that makes them think the world will be annihilated soon.

    If you do have children, she will bring them up as JWs. That is something you don't want to see. They will be isolated from those outside the religion. Forced to spend their weekends going door to door or looking like mannequins by a literature cart. And face death by not accepting a blood transfusion."

    I with strong conviction feel that married to her i could get her out or at least have her less passionate about JW. She is a good person but i feel like she is being brain washed and almost has a sense of pride in being ignorant about issues of the world. I do think she would want a child but i am only 80% sure of that. The whole blood transfusion thing would not be an issue, if lets say we have a kid and he or she needs a transfusion he or she will get one. Also knowing her she wouldnt divorce or at least that what i think. Still i would have a prenup because one can never be sure

  • Saethydd
    Saethydd

    The whole blood transfusion thing would not be an issue, if lets say we have a kid and he or she needs a transfusion he or she will get one.

    I wouldn't count on that, taking a blood transfusion is basically an excommunication offence among the JWs if she gets fully sucked back in she won't take one even if it would save her life.

    Also knowing her she wouldnt divorce or at least that what i think. Still i would have a prenup because one can never be sure

    She couldn't get a "scriptural" divorce unless you committed adultery, however, if she felt like you were a "threat to her spirituality" she might separate from you.

  • James87
    James87
    Saethydd12 minutes ago

    She wants me to marry her then because i wasnt ready at day X doesnt want to get married at all no that i want to. Things like that make no sense to me.

    That's the guilt coming out, when she first started back wth the JWs she wanted to get married right away to fix the fact that she was having premarital sex by getting married to you, however, now she is probably being told not to "yolk herself to an unbeliever." JWs have strict views on such things and don't allow much leeway for personal values, this creates the effect your observing, she's desperately pulling herself away from what she actually wants and cares about in an effort to conform to what is expected of her a JW. It's screwed up I know, but that's what's going on with her right now.

    That would basically mean the whole idea of marriage was a sham to begin with. Even before she went full JW she would say she wanted to marry me. Its just that now its only "if" i become a brother and then the date keeps on changing from dec like she said but now denies to a vague 2 years from now which sounds like bs to me. This is where the whole sincerity and honesty become an issue to me. No that we all dont lie at times but this is serious life altering things and i dont know what the real truth is. Its like i almost have to interrogate her to get her to admit she love me which is messed up in itself.

    ps: sorry i dont know how to put things into quote here.

  • Saethydd
    Saethydd

    Its just that now its only "if" i become a brother and then the date keeps on changing from dec like she said but now denies to a vague 2 years from now which sounds like bs to me. This is where the whole sincerity and honesty become an issue to me. No that we all dont lie at times but this is serious life altering things and i dont know what the real truth is. Its like i almost have to interrogate her to get her to admit she love me which is messed up in itself.

    That's the guilt again, she probably does love you, but she has convinced herself that she loves God more and wants to put him first, which means she can't admit (Maybe even to herself) that she still loves you. She's being so vague about marriage because she wants you to study the Bible because "you love Jehovah," not because you love her and are doing it for her. JWs basically believe that the only way to have a happy marriage is if both people are super involved in the organization and build a relationship with God individually.

  • James87
    James87

    Sorry for venting guys and gals. Its just so frustrating. I find a person i think i can start a future with and then all of this happens. I am in no way perfect or a saint but i am trying and fighting tooth and nail here only to see progress then have it washed away like someone building a sand castle during the day only to have the tide wash it way the next day. The whole i love you i hate you dynamic is not healthy.

    Saethydd if their is love do you think their is hope here or am i just a fool in love.

    I do feel she loves me but its a constant battle. Its almost like the whole out of sight out of mind thing but then when she sees me she spends hours with me ( yes no sex but kissing, i feel like a middle school kid at times with this )

  • Saethydd
    Saethydd

    It's all right man, go ahead and vent, we understand. Most would also agree that it's unhealthy, that's why we are almost all exJWs here.

  • Village Idiot
    Village Idiot

    James87,

    I with strong conviction feel that married to her i could get her out or at least have her less passionate about JW.

    I'm sorry to say it but your conviction is misplaced. If she is like this now how will she be when you both get married

    The whole blood transfusion thing would not be an issue, if lets say we have a kid and he or she needs a transfusion he or she will get one.

    You underestimate the fanaticism of JWs. Once she knows that you're against a transfusion she, with the assistance of the elders, will find ways of circumventing you. Even if the child gets a transfusion, the fact that you stood up to your wife on that issue can break your family apart. By the way, she can be disfellowshipped for allowing her child to have a transfusion.

    Look forward to eventual divorce; nasty child custody disputes; and your side of the family (non-JW) unable to see your children or grandchildren.

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