Hi guys and gals thank you for all of your imput, please even if its dude run for the hill, run forest run i would greatly appreciate it. Any imput positive or negative is welcomed with open arm.
Maybe i can try to paint a better picture of what i believe is happening event wise as an understanding why she might have returned to the JW after years of inactivity. Granted when we met she never spoke of religion. When we finally met i guess one would say it was love at first sight on her part but for me it was like ok this person is nice lets take it from there. Analyzing her actions i feel she really did love me and to an extent still does but other factors in her life have been difficult. She lost her mother at a young age, she became the surrogate mother to her sister by default. Later i find out surprisingly she had a kid when she was like 16 but that she left the kid with her father and hasnt seen him in person since then. She entered this country by less than legal ways and thus was open to constant abuse at work in life in general. Life sucked which is why i feel she said bleep this and left the JW which is great. Now she meets me but wants everything on the fast tract to marriage ( before she went back to the JW) and little by little i started to sincerely fall for her. Its like an interesting case study just tying to see her past behavior and her behavior now. We talk of moving together but then when i say lets look for a place for us their was always a silence or a we will do it later type vibe. In hindsight i feel she wanted me to do everything and have her just set up camp in the house but thats not exactly right either. She mentions buying a house but while not dumb lacked the understanding of what that actually ment, loans, insurance, searching for the properties etc. I have a heart to heart talk to her about the future and our future, i have plans to get a J.D which is three years and i know it will be hard so i wanted her to be sure of what this means. Also i wanted something better for her, she currently works in the house cleaning market but is capable of so much more. I mentioned she might consider a BSN or a ADA in the medical field to get paid better, to have health insurance and more stability in her life. She said yes but months later threw that back at my face. Later i realize that was part of the JW doctrine, higher education it seems is frowned upon. Its funny she even tried to talk to me saying just stick to business which you are good at no need to become a lawyer, i told her i know i am capable of so much more, it would be crime for me given such talents and gifts not to put them to their best use. ( i know i can do it i think, but i also know it will be hard as hell, its not impossible but i know it will cost me tooth and nails to accomplish but accomplish it i will even if it kills me, sorry that did sound arrogant guys, i know its not easy )That response ended that strive for less talk ever again. Little by little she was hitting at changes but since i am not that religious to begin with and her being vague i had no idea what that meant. The whole lets get married quickly set off red alert flags but had she painted it in the context of my faith needs me too, i want you by my side as my husband with more communication yes it would have happened ( with a prenup obviously) but instead she went to her zelot side almost like the dark side and well the goal post was moved to from december of this year to in the future to only if you become baptized. Things to an extent has gotten better in her life and she feels that is because she is following JW not because logically she is the one doing the hard work for things to happen, she is the one talking and paying an attorney to get a work permit, not Jehovah. She is the one who will finally have a valid drivers license which she has fought for and i have helped with info books etc but in her mind its JW rewarding her.
For all of these reason i feel yet i could just be a fool that she can walk away from the JW but that would need time and effort. From my understanding even her sis is not a JW. From my limited view of her life and i am the person i think she spends the most time with she is all alone. She drowns herself in JW literature because her current rental location has bad internet and no real tv not to mention she gets home tired. I see her as someone stranded on an island to a degree. That always by herself life makes it hard for her to accept anyone yet with me when we meet its like little kids together. Happy affectionate not perfect but who is. For those reasons i feel their is hope. She left JW for a reason years ago and when i am firmer with her ( but not dominating or physical just like babe we are doing this as an example she listens)
At the same time i not that much a fool in love because i do realize major red flags and for that reason not knowing what version of her i will get i am literally one foot in and one foot out the door. Trying to see something together like a Disney movie becomes a problem because of allegedly a character is gay in the remake of a wonderful animated tale does raise eyebrows for me. Beauty and the Beast is a story about love, how one should not judge people by their appearances, the ability to change yet some how that might be satanic is insanity in my mind. Also i know i am not ugly but im not prince charming either ( it sounds arrogant but thats not my intent) So people tell me i look good ok i guess im just me. Comically because life is full of ironies my previous Ex is trying to reach out to me and no i dont want anything to do with her but just the comical irony of it all. With ease i could leave one for the other but i wont because i have finally matured and i feel i see something in this girl but i do realize their are issues. Maybe things work out maybe they dont but i feel i need to try my best (with in limits) instead of taking the easy way out. Sadly i do feel like i am reaching my limits with the constant yes no dynamic.
Sorry for the rant and venting out but i welcome all advice from either run to fight or even better an explanation of why she is acting in a certain way because of the jw doctrines.