What is the most bizarre counsel you received as a JW, from a JW?

by Funchback 126 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • vinman

    1) Playing chess is a war game

    2) Stop reading old society publications. They are not good for you.

    3) " We are glad that you are not spreading around that we worshipped Jesus till 1954. Afterall, the fact that no one else knows, is what makes the slave discreet. Can you imagine what would happen if everyone knew that?"

  • MrMonroe
    I was in a car with my JW girlfriend; a single brother was in the back seat. I was playing a mix tape on the cassette player and The Smiths' "What Difference Does It Make" came on. When it got to the line "The devil will find work for idle hands to do" he suddenly said, "Can you turn that off please. It's singing about the devil." Um, as the Kingdom Songs did also?
  • DarioKehl

    Setting: sound booth, before meetings. 20 min early like a good little MS, setting up the mics and queuing the songs for the TMS/service meeting. A nazi elder approaches me with an overly fake grin and a voice with sarcastic enthusiasm:

    Nazi Elder: "Darioooo...! Hey, did you get a new haircut recently?"

    Me: (unwinding microphone chord from the booth) "Oh, hey. Yeah, sure did. A few days ago."

    Nazi Elder: "Ah! Well next time, would you let the barber know NOT to change the guard on the clippers so abruptly?" (Pats me on the shoulder and walks away)

  • DarioKehl

    One day while pioneering, I was driving a car group. 2 pioneer peers of mine--great buddies, one non-pio peer (all in my age group) worked a late afternoon one autumn. An elderette (who counted her time to the minute and would go "off the clock" on long commutes to territory and break time--who was ALWAYS behind on her 90hr/mo for some strange reason) needed to put in a long day, so she jumped into our group. Ok, cool, whatevs...

    At some point on the drive, the conversation changed topics to speeding & parking tickets. I spoke up and informed the group how I'd received several tickets and successfully fought them all in court and none of them went on my record. In our county, $35 of any traffic ticket was for "court costs." So, it is reasonable then that if you're going to PAY for the court cost anyway, then use it! Right? Take it to court--you're paying for that service whether you take it to court or grab your ankles and pay the entire ticket. Why pay the full amount, have a violation on your record and then an increase in your insurance for the next 3-5 years? If the cop doesn't appear in court (and mine never did), the judge must throw it out and you don't even have to pay the $35! You pay nothing and it cannot be rescheduled. The whole thing is tossed, guaranteed.

    My buddies were amazed. We went on to have a decent afternoon.

    Several evenings later, I'm walking into the hall for book study. 2 elders approach me at my car and asked if they could talk to me as we walked in. (Gulp!) "Sure, what's up?"

    Now understand, these elders were young; some of the "cool" elders who were decent, fun and approachable. One of them looked at me with a grin. He said, "Dario... We REALLY don't think this merits a discussion, but (he looks at the other elder and they both roll their eyes), a matter was brought to our attention and, well, as elders, we HAVE to report back that we at least spoke to you about this. Sister Fatso's conscience was bothered by something you admitted in service the other day."

    (at this point, I was racking my brain wondering what I could've possibly said that offended her)

    "Really? Something I 'admitted' to?! What could it possibly be? I'm honestly clueless--we all had a decent afternoon together."

    "Well, she enjoyed the time with you brothers, but when she got home, she told her (elder) husband that you've been getting tickets and figured out a way to cheat the system? And that you encouraged (3 names) to do the same thing?"

    i stopped in my tracks, set down my briefcase and just looked at them in disbelief

    "Are you kidding me right now? SERIOUSLY??? She got upset over THAT? First of all, I haven't "cheated" any "system." It's spelled out on the back of any traffic ticket. You pay court costs as part of your fine whether you appear or not! If you appear and the cop isn't there, it's tossed--that's not cheating anything it's strategy!"

    "Ok, look--we know this is stupid. She has a history of nitpicking and we see nothing wrong with anything you did or said, but in order to "keep the peace," you might let her know the elders spoke to you and apologize for offending her."

    believe me--I DID let her know. I was pissed OFF. I circumvented her and went to her husband (the nazi who insulted my haircut in my other post). I figured he put her up to it. When I approached him, he snickered and rolled his eyes: "yeah... That sounds like something my wife would do hahaha! Sorry about that."

    When I approached her in service a few days later, all she said was, "Well... let your conscience be your guide. If it were ME, I would do the right thing and BACK PAY ALL THOSE TICKETS."

    Needless to say, I didn't do that lol. And I definitely didn't offer any apologies. All I said was, and I quote, "Well, my conscience guides ME to follow the counsel of Matthew 18 and approach the person who offended me FIRST before taking anything to the congregation." Zzzzing!!!

  • smiddy

    Mentioning to an Elder about his dispute with a brother in the congregation , he said "don`t confuse religion with business issues , their two different things"


  • DarioKehl

    A cute young couple from my hall were eagerly planning their wedding. Everything was going splendidly, until....

    I shit you not: they received an RSVP to their wedding (invitations THEY PAID for, sent with postage THEY PAID for) from a horrible, pretentious couple in the hall. They'd checked "Will not be attending" but then thought it appropriate to take a pen and cover the RSVP with a paragraph explaining WHY. The condensed version was, "We believe you are both too young to be getting married."

    They were both above drinking age (21 in USA).

  • stuckinarut2
    A sister was counselled for wearing boots...because...wait for it...wait for it: "only prostitutes wear boots!"
  • DarioKehl
    My "clapping looked insincere" at the 2011 convention.
  • DarioKehl
    If you've not yet lurked at jwtalk forum, those members are constantly climbing all over each other to one up themselves. You can see crazy "counsel" being slung around over there on a daily basis--it's hilarious. Uber dubs checking Uber dubs. Grab some popcorn & go watch if you don't believe me. It's brutal.
  • dhlpcjw

    One time I showed up at the now-defunct weekly book study at jackass elder's house. With humidity it was about 95 degrees outside and this cheap turd didn't believe in running ac. Most evenings like this I would skip wearing a sports coat or jacket to avoid getting even hotter and sweating buckets. Well since I was the only baptised brother in attendance besides himself, and he was conducting, it then became my responsibility to read the paragraphs of the Revelation Grand Prolapse at Hand book.

    This moron elder pulls me aside after to tell me I need to wear a coat next time in order to be approved to read or pray. That his home was serving as a substitute kingdom hall and should be treated as such. Meanwhile almost every week his home phone in the next room would ring off the hook causing a disruption. It would go to voicemail and he would sometimes excuse himself from the book study to go fiddle with his answering machine and try to turn it down.

    From then on if it was especially hot weather, or I just didn't feel like reading, I would "accidentally" forget my jacket.

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