Need advice: Intimacy with my wife almost non existint because she considers me an apostate

by goingthruthemotions 103 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Sail Away
    Sail Away
    GTTM: i menitoned to her that she doesn't want to be intimate and she says nothing...i asked her why. she said go ask my therapist. i saiid i am asking you. i then said i know why.....because you consider me an apostate. she said that that there are thing i don't provide for her ( we all know what that is). i said i support you in doing it, i don't stop you. i told her intamacy (i.e. sexual relations) is very important in a marriage ( the more the better
    she ddn't says nothing...she hung up the phone. this truely sucks, i hate the piece of shite cult for ruining my marriage

    What Steve said, and for goodness sake, stop having conversations about intimacy on the telephone! SMH

  • goingthruthemotions

    Thanks all my friends!!!!

    when i read about relationships that are just like mine because of the cult...i am taken back. why? because the indoctrinated response is a scary thing to see happen when people are thousands of miles away from eachother.

    i could only image how many wives threw away their yoga pants after ATM gave his talk.

  • DJS


    As Steve2 and LisaRose and others have pointed out, do your job as a loving, respectful mate. None of you have suggested that you aren't.

    If you are, and she is still behaving in this manner and you have tried to discuss it with her, quickly and quietly go to the best lawyer you can find and arrange a better situation.

    Top marriage and relationship expert Dr. Tseday Aberra, a clinical psychologist, states that using sex as a weapon is the biggest mistake a woman can make. Find another way to solve the problem, she states. She also states that most women who have come to her over the years have used sex as a weapon against their husbands/BFs. She also states that it is critical for women to change their way of thinking in this area.

    Or p.m. me; I have a lot of experience in this area. Women use sex as a weapon because they can. That’s all you need to know. You can do everything damn near perfect and a sizeable percentage of women will still do it. Those are the facts, and they are indisputable.

  • steve2

    Funny concept of women "using sex as a weapon". That's ironic, given that for millenia, men, in their fiercely patriarchal rulerships, have used females as and when they felt like it. And women have had no say - or if they have a say, it is because males have deemed it okay for them to speak. Subjection is the name of women's role.

    Suddenly, a women, undoubtedly shocked and shaken by her husband's clearly expressed views, does not feel romantically inclined and she's - WTF? - using sex as a weapon. Only a male could have ever thought up that phrase - and other men run with it. Aha! We've summed her up perfectly. Yeah, right.

    As a rule,whereas the male sexual drive can function even in the absence of love and affection, women's cannot. Why turn a physiological and pyschological difficulty in sexual functioning into a combative phrase such as using it as a weapon? What utter nonsense!

  • TweetieBird

    She's scared. I used to give my husband the silent treatment if he missed a meeting. Now we are both out.

    Take her out on a date, maybe out to eat and a movie. Tell her that any talk of religion, God, anything spiritual is off limits. If there is something you both enjoy doing, try doing it together. What brought you two together to start with? Focus on those things. If you have kids pull out photo albums of when they were young of photos of when you were first married. She also may be going through menopause if you've been married for 27 years, the sex drive does lessen.

    Hope this helps.

  • LisaRose

    As a woman I obviously have a different point of view. Yes, obviously some women use sex as a weapon, but not all. What men sometimes perceive as women using sex as a weapon is actually just that they feel neglected, or have too much to do so are tired all the time and just don't have the energy. Some men take their wives for granted and then expect them to get turned on in thirty seconds of foreplay. Here news for you guys, a stiffy in the back is not foreplay!

    If you treat your wife well (i.e. if you both work you should share in the housework and child care) do the romantic, everyday things (holding hands and the all time secret weapon of men, the kiss on the back of the neck) and you have good communication generally then if she is still not willing, then yes, she is probably using sex as a weapon. A recent study showed that men who help out with the housework had better sex lives, so that's something to think about.

    I don't know your wife or your personalal situation, so obviously I don't know why she is being this way. She could be using this as a way to punish you for not doing what she wants, or she could be depressed about the whole thing and just not feeling it. Maybe it's a little of both. I think it's time for a heart to heart talk. This is huge, it needs to be resolved. If she is unwilling to talk about it, unwilling to see a counselor and unwilling to have sex, it is not a good sign. what she is doing is going directly against the advice of the bible. Maybe you could approach it that way and see if you can get her to at least talk.



    ...........Image result for get a dog

  • Sail Away
    Sail Away
    Listen to LisaRose!
  • DJS


    Historically speaking you are of course correct. I've never owned a woman, hit a woman, oppressed a woman, abused or neglected a woman. I've never gotten their underwear off by telling them lies, manipulating them, promising them something or by any other nefarious manner. I have treated every woman I've ever been with, with respect - and certainly as much respect as they have shown me.

    Having said that, I have experienced what these men have stated they are experiencing. Your posts are usually brilliant; this one isn't. How many women have you dated or been with Steve2? LisaRose? I speak from experience as well as citing experts who say the same thing - using sex as a weapon is the worst thing a woman can do.

    We aren't talking about the socio-evolutionary reasons women evolved as they have; we are talking about a hurtful, relationship destroying behavior practiced by a lot of women, none of which is typically justified.

    Let's call it for what it is, class. It is relationship destroying behavior.

  • DJS

    Dear god,

    The blame shifting, excuse making, rationalizing and justifying some of you are providing as legitimate reasons for women to withhold sex is not part of the reason it is a problem. It's the reason.

    Find a different method.

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