Need advice: Intimacy with my wife almost non existint because she considers me an apostate

by goingthruthemotions 103 Replies latest jw experiences

  • KateWild

    Sorry to hear you are going through this Gttm

    I hope your wife relaxes a little and you can be intimate once again.

    Take her out for a nice meal tonight see what happens????

    Kate xx

  • StarTrekAngel

    What is your therapist telling you? I remember going to one when I was a child. My mom put us there at a young age because they were going thru divorce and she just needed reassurance that we were going to be ok. I later listened to the therapist as he explained that seldomly can one person get help in isolation. Usually the best counsel comes from working with your entire social environment. Not always possible, I know. Two things I believe you can do here

    - If she is fully convinced you are the one with the problem, then somewhat admit it. Tell her that your therapist told you that unless she participates, there is no solution for you. This in fact is not inaccurate. Many therapists believe that in cases such as yours, there is little to no result working on one mate only. She should feel that she is there to assist the therapist, not to seek assistance for herself.

    - Do some research. I believe it won't be difficult to find WT material that shows her that she is wrong from thinking she has no problem.

  • DJS

    Is the marriage worth saving? Do you really want to save it? If so, try the advice given. Either way, go with her to counseling, but don't expect it to help. In the meantime, quietly meet with a lawyer and begin preparing an exit.

    If she doesn't change this behavior, and it is relationship destroying behavior (assuming there aren't things you aren't telling us), make an exit. The longer you remain in this and allow her to emasculate you and hurt you in this very important area, the more you will begin to hate her. Based on only what you have told us, she isn't worth keeping.

    She doesn't need that; you don't need that. Get your ducks in a row. Do nothing wrong in the meantime.

  • jhine

    You could try quoting 1Cor 7 : 4-5 .

    It might work .........


  • goingthruthemotions
    StarTrekAngel i have a counselor i have seen in the past about the issues with our marriage. she has one been once in the past and she determined that the issues are with me and she has no issues.
    unfortunately the counselor has no cult it's hard for them to understand the mind of a brainwashed witness.

  • goingthruthemotions
    i ment to point the therapist at me. not her, she has never had nor will ever have a therepist....because she doesn't have a problems. and all the answers are found in the bible or the uneducated elders.
  • DJS


    Hop on a bus, Gus.

  • Crazyguy
    When I first started waking up my wife threatened no sex. I believe one if her friends put her up to it. She soon backed down, but now this year my desire to have sex with a brain washed zombie is no longer there.
  • DesirousOfChange

    In the meantime, quietly meet with a lawyer and begin preparing an exit.

    There has been a lot of talk about divorcing here. Folks, GTTM has 2 sons with this lady. These kids are not in a situation with a bad family life outside of the conflicts over the religion. These kids are most likely better off in a family with 2 parents that both love them vs. alternating weeks of visitation. Plus, divorce cause financial havoc on a family. Expenses soar to provide 2 separate households, but income is stagnant.

    GTTM, I would hate to have to "fake it". In fact, my wife and I have talked of trying to do that (as one of my best friends does) just to maintain the "friendships" and keep peace among the family, but I would HATE IT and don't seem to have enough incentive to do that.

    If my marriage & family were about to implode or crash & burn, I think that would be enough incentive to "fake it". At least until the kids are old enough so as to not be affected so greatly. (From previous posts, they still seem to be school age.)

    A consultation with a lawyer to learn your rights would not be a bad thing to do either, but for you to make a decision for divorce because of the religious differences, is no different than her doing the same thing.

    At the same time, go at it GUNG HO in all the JW areas that she prefers to slack.

    Headship? Take over the checkbook. (That also allows you to start stashing away some cash in a secret place.)

    Family worship? Insist on it and use it to bring up doubts. (Earlier posts make it sound like at least one of your sons would be on board for that.) Have them bring up the hypocrisy and the questions with no answers, then dump it on her to research.

    Questionable entertainment? Hold her to the strict JW standards on things where she "ignores" the rules. Movies. Music. Books.

    Employment? Tell her it seems better if SHE works so you can expand your service -- perhaps pioneering -- surely that would help "build your faith". Isn't it obvious that the bad association at work has damaged your spirituality?

    Good luck,

    Hug your kids before you do anything foolish.


  • stan livedeath
    stan livedeath


    have you tried talking it over with her--without reference to the cult / god / religion etc

    ask your wife if she still wants sex--if so--with you---without strings attatched . ask her to be totally upfront and honest with you.

    if she doesent want it / you any more---ask her for a free pass.

    ( this opinion from a thrice married 67 year old )

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