by nicolaou 166 Replies latest jw friends

  • larc


    You mean France isn't an island like Norway? I like the French for inventing French Fries. However, the French do not have one natural resource that we have in the U.S. and that is Frenchy, right here on our discussion board.

  • nicolaou

    All is forgiven... it's a draw. Now, let's start on the French...

    - Simon

    Oh boy!
    I'm more than happy to take my orders from the boss and I hope the following may re-unite us Brits & Yanks in a common bond of hysterical laughter at French expense.


    Three guys, an Englishman, a Frenchman and an American are out walking along the beach together one day. They come across a lantern and a genie pops out of it. "I will give you each one wish, " says the genie.

    The American says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in America." With a blink of the genie's eye, 'FOOM' - the land in America was forever made fertile for farming.

    The Frenchman was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around France, so that no one can come into our precious country." Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' - there was a huge wall around France.

    The Englishman asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall. The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick and nothing can get in or out."

    The Englishman says, "Fill it up with water."


  • tergiversator

    Since I was once accused of having a Canadian accent (someone thought I pronounced "about" funny), I thought I should step in on their side with the following link. It's called "The White House Burned".

  • Simon

    Off topic a bit but the Canadian accent comments reminded me of when we were visiting last year. While chatting to each other in the queue of Wal-Mart we heard a little boy behind ask his dad why "those people talked funny". It surprised us when he answerd that it was because we were from Salford.

    Turns out he had emigrated from Nottingham (UK).

    I guess we always think everyone else has an accent but us...

  • nicolaou


    The French zoo had acquired a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks, the female gorilla became very cranky and difficult to handle. Upon examination, the zoo veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in heat. To make matters worse, there were no male gorilla species available.

    While reflecting on their problem, the zoo administrators noticed Pierre, an employee responsible for cleaning the animals' cages. Pierre, it was rumoured, had the ability to satisfy any female, but he wasn't very bright. So the zoo administrators thought they might have a solution.

    Pierre was approached with a proposition: would he be willing to have sex with the gorilla for five hundred Francs? Pierre showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully.

    The following day, Pierre announced that he would accept their offer, but only under three conditions. "First," he said, "I don't want to have to kiss her. Secondly, I want nothing to do with any offspring that may result from this union."

    The zoo administration quickly agreed to these conditions, so they asked what about the third condition. "Well," said Pierre, "you've gotta give me another week to come up with the five hundred Francs."


  • expatbrit


    Visiting my apostate friends may not be something my JW wife wishes to do on vacation.

    But thanks for the invite!


  • mike

    Hi nic'
    saw your name on this thread, controversy seems to follow you everywhere my friend!
    I've obviously come in on the tail end of this discussion so I'll just put in my '2 cents worth' and let everyone else fight it out.

    Q: Why do French men have moustaches? A: To remind them of their mothers.


  • Gopher

    Q. Why did the French plant trees along the Champs Elysees? A. So the Germans could march in the shade.

    Sorry, Gopher

  • nicolaou

    Funny how no USA posters noticed what today is.
    April 14, 1865
    President Lincoln is assassinated by John Wilkes Booth in Washington, D.C.



  • Francois

    I don't know what the score is, but here are some hard facts.

    The U.S. did indeed win the war. The only weapon you actually had was Winston Churchill, my hero (1 point, UK, for having my hero - who was half American, btw).

    Your food is awful. No one has ever heard of British cuisine. Spotted Dick, and Frog in the Hole my ass. We get at least 5 points for having food that an actual human being would eat.

    You have infected the planet with Hoof & Mouth Disease. 10 points off your last score.

    You have infected the planet with Tony Blair. That's gonna cost you another 10 points.

    You blew a perfectly good empire; everything you people touch turns to shit: India, for instance. And you've got no business in Northern Ireland. Give it up. And it was sheer stupidity to loose the colonies, sheer stupidity. Fifty points off.

    You are ga-ga over the royals. Dumb. Really dumb. Five points off.

    You tried to force the Chinese to continue the opium trade. That's the worst immorality in the history of mankind. You loose by default for doing that.

    Sorry guys. There's just no hope for you. (And all my ancestors came from over there. Isle of Wight and Isle of Gurnsey in the late 1800s)

    What do we win?


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