Should I have a Christmas tree?

scuba99

HI folks,

I'm rather new here, only posted a couple of times. Although I have been visiting the site daily for a good 2 months now. I never formally introduced myself...didn't quite no the proper etiquette....anyway I have a question that I'm sure has been addressed here before but I'm gonna ask anyway.

I was raised a jw so of course I never celebrated any damn thing! Unless I can count the L.E.M. I know you know what I'm leading up to but it's not that simple. You see I'm getting remarried next month to a wonderful Girl. She's quite a bit younger than me, it's her first and my first to a non-jw. More on her in a moment.

I live in a very small southern town and everyone pretty much knows everyone. My Dad is an Elder has been forever I call him "Super Elder". So he has very little if anything to do with me.Since I'm DF"D. I actually asked him to conduct the Ceremony." Well that would be against the bible's teaching" he says. According to the bible he can't even attend! I'm sorry but thats just messed up!

So back to my soon to be wife. She is very family oriented which includes quite elaborate celebrations of EVERY holiday. She absolutely loves to decorate...she's already bought our Christmas stockings...So you know our tree and everything else around the house is gonna turn some heads. It's gonna be so difficult when I see my Dad after he's driven by the house during the holidays. I know he will have a hurt/dissapointed/betrayed look on his face. I can also imagine the humilation he will feel from all the self righteous, pious, hypocrites at the hall.

So I guess my question is this. How do I tactfully handle this situation? I wish my Dad had an inkling of what I've learned from this site. If he had any idea I know he would be much less radical about the shunning issue.

It's also gonna be REALLY wierd having a Christmas tree!! I'll probably have a few sleepless nights=) Thanks for this forum.

SPAZnik

Welcome scuba99.

I guess my main suggestion is to communicate with yer woman about your concerns ahead of time so that no matter what happens at least the two of you are on the same page when holiday time hits and both are prepared for the others reactions and prepared to offer support to each other. No unexpected surprises.

I'm not so sure there is a tactful way to handle the superelder type. I feel for you on this count.
If it were me i imagine I might say something like, I will respect your decisions and right to believe and celebrate or not celebrate what you wish, please respect mine as well.

Or, you could move. :)

Again, welcome to the forum.

SPAZ

Mac

Do the tree thing dude! It will give you a few sleepless nights; but only because you'll not be able to resist the urge to keep getting up to look at all the pretty lights! LOL I remember my first tree, i hid it in a back room and kept the drapes closed. What a pathetic thing for me to do! The next year i got a 10 foot tree and placed it right in front of my 2 8 foot sliding doors so that all who passed my way could see!

Love to continue but I,ve got a Frankenstein Monster i need to install in my front yard!

OrbitingTheSun

Welcome Scuba99!

It is very considerate of you to think of your father and how he feels as an elder with a DFed son, but you have to be strong and do what feels best for you. It sounds like you and your new wife are off to a good start, so enjoy the happy days and don't worry about what people think of you! Best wishes!

larc

Let me see if I got this right. Your father hardly ever talks to you. You asked him to perform the wedding ceremony and he refused. He did not evern go to your wedding, and now you are worried about his feelings? WHY?

outoftheorg

Hi Scuba.

I suggest you read larks post again and then I would add this. Sounds to me like you have nothing to loose.So do what ever makes you and your new wife happy.

You are starting a new life and leaving the old one so enjoy it. Nothing you do now short of rejoining the org is going to please your parents at this stage.

If they see you happy and living a good life this may change down the road.

If not you owe it to yourself and your new wife to live your own lives and be contented and happy.

Outoftheorg

Beck_Melbourne

Better late then never I say.

I had this happen recently, my JW mother was visiting prior to Xmas last year, and so I waited until after her visit to put up our tree (it being my first) and I had the most fun decorating it and finding the best lights etc...I'm really good at being a pagan now, I have it all worked out for this Xmas.

So put up your tree and enjoy!! Merry Christmas!!!

Beck

ps...why is this in mental health and depression???????

Edited by - Beck_Melbourne on 12 September 2002 2:21:2

ISP

Yep get a tree.........there will be some threads on trees nearer the time!

ISP

Beck_Melbourne

there will be some threads on trees nearer the time!

Can we all take pictures and post them on the board of our tree? I like this plan. I shall have a glorious tree this Xmas And you're all invited to eggnog it with me...even though eggnog isn't a tradition here in Australia, more like Victorian Bitter.

Beck

ISP

Yep......Beck...there will be some from last year in the archives!

ISP

Should I have a Christmas tree?

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