Blown away-- where to go from here

by All for show 83 Replies latest jw friends

  • sowhatnow

    then youll have fun with the subliminal messages in the books too.... those blew me away.

  • bsmart

    Remember, the end of the world is not just around the corner. You can take as long as you need to. Welcome to the rest of your life! It may be hard but you can do it.

  • Magnum

    the ridiculousness

    Yeah, it is crazy ridiculous.

    The thoughts, feelings, and concerns I have had the past few years aren't just mine. It's global. Something is wrong and it isn't with me.

    It's nice to know you're not alone, isn't it? I found out that others had the same questions and doubts that I did. They saw the same hypocrisy. They saw all the stuff that didn't make sense, etc. You're right; something is wrong - really wrong.

    no one can hold a decent conversation

    And that situation is continually getting worse.

    We are so tired of hearing the end is here, tomorrow, tonite, hold on, don't live your life

    We are sick of that, too. We did hold on and cease to live our lives. We lost 30 years listening to them say the sky is falling. We lost our future, too. We lived a Spartan life waiting on the end, not saving or planning for retirement in any way. I now have non-JW friends my age who are retired, and I have no hope. I will work menial jobs until time to take the long dirt nap - no golden years for me. So our having been JWs will haunt us until we drop.

    JW's are some of the most depressed, unhappy, arrogant, broke, pompous people I know. Their judgements are so harsh and they are so willing to push people out, while wasting hours knocking on doors talking to no one. We hate how we are respected in the community by 'evil wordly people' but judged and looked down on by 'Gods people'

    I agree with your assessment. I see the same thing in my area.

    I have also doubted the 1914 date for years and the GB and it's changing direction, don't question anything because you are marked and without faith, let alone setting yourself up for a JC.

    I really think even some of the higher-ups in the org are at least questioning and slightly doubting the 1914 date. The fact that JWs can't question anything always made me wonder why. Shouldn't the truth be able to stand up to questioning? The "worldy" company I work for allows questions/gripes/complaints and open, honest conversation but not God's supposed organization. That always made me think something was wrong.

    jw 'rock stars'

    JWdom has a lot of rock stars: the GB (rock gods), COs, Bethelites, power elders, etc.

    I believe in Jehovah and his son, but then sometimes I doubt that. I am not ready to relinquish my belief in God. But, to believe and be raised as a JW, was just a waste Of the last 37 years?

    I really don't know what to believe right now. I am seeking and searching. I am not ready yet to totally give up belief in a Creator, but sometimes the evidence (or lack thereof) leads me to think maybe I should. I am trying to do as indicated in the quote Cofty posted above; I'm trying to open-mindedly and unbiasedly examine the facts without any preconceived ideas and go where the facts lead. My wife and I say every day: "Did we waste the last three decades?" And with us, it was worse than just waste. One can waste time by just lying around in the comfort of air conditioning. But we suffered, slaved, hurt, agonized for JWdom for three decades (and paid to do it). We hated every minute of it but thought we were doing the right thing.

    I am all over the place processing this information

    I am, too. I have pages and pages and pages of notes, links, references, etc. that woud take a long time to really process. I have many references in my notes to threads on this site that I want to fully process.

    One thing is for sure, as we agree, something is wrong in JW land.

  • Pete Zahut
    Pete Zahut

    But, to believe and be raised as a JW, was just a waste Of the last 37 years?

    I know what you're saying but if you were granted the ability to go back and completely erase your JW past, would you do it ? If you can answer no, it shows that it wasn't a complete waste and even though you are feeling dissillusioned right now, you do have many good things to show for it all. Nothing has changed in the world, it's just the same as it was before but you are beginning to look at everything without all the JW filters. If you are like most of us, on some level you knew this day would come. Just be glad that it didn't take longer and that you (unlike most of us) thanks to your reasonable parents, at least got to participate in normal childhood activities and were able to get an education.

    Take heart, if I can adjust to the shock and disillusion of learning the TATT, anybody can. Take it slow....let yourself adjust. Although it might feel like it at times, this isn't an emergency. I read somewhere that anytime a person experiences a big change in their life (for good or for bad) they should allow one month of adjustment/grieving time for every year they were involved in the part of their life that has now changed. (ie: Worked at Microsoft for 10 years and got laid off....allow 10 months grieving/adjustment time). You might not feel as much pressure if you accept that it may take you 37 months to feel totaly comfortable about all of this.

    Glad you found your way here....having a voice among people who are or have been in your position, will be a great help to you in your transition. Even so it may be helpful to limit the amount of time you spend here or in thinking about this topic. It's easy to become obsessive about all of this at first.

  • love2Bworldly

    Welcome--- word of advice for your children, encourage your kids to have as many outside friends as possible outside the organization to expose them to having friends that are not JWs, so that if you all leave as a family your kids will still have friends and won't be as devastated.

    Be patient with your spouse, and I agree with other posters who said to miss more meetings. And don't go to any elder meetings if they ask to meet with you, it will just be a set up for a disfellowshipping.

  • cult classic
    cult classic

    Hi there.

  • smiddy

    Welcome All for Show ,great first post .


  • LoisLane looking for Superman
    LoisLane looking for Superman

    Hi there, All for show. I would like to talk to you as one mom to another.

    Something, more, to add to your long list of things to think about. Discussing taking or not taking blood transfusions for yourselves and your 5 children before an emergency situation comes up.

    Also giving some thought to making a living Will, now before a possible crisis pops up. Who would you want to take care of your children? Would you want any JW relatives to have your precious offspring?

    I know you and your husband have much to talk about. I was a born in. I discovered TTATT at age 62. Kudos for getting your education! You sound like wonderful people. Your children will be so proud of you when they grow up and understand what you helped them to escape from.

    Welcome to JWN.


  • Comatose

    Hey welcome to the community. We laugh, chat, discuss, reason, try to help, make friendships, love, and yes we argue and fight some too. Don't be surprised when you see it. We also have nutjobs and wackos on a pretty regular basis. At first when I came here it scared me. Because I thought, you mean I am at a place with this nutjob wacko idiot? But, you will quickly learn that the nutjobs are few in number and get banned usually before too much damage is done. Heck, I really enjoy a good wacko nutjob post every now and again. I just read it and really want to know if they are on drugs or insane. BUT, we all have a bond I'd take any day over the old JW life. (except for the nutjobs) Even the people I've argued with the most would be so fascinating to have coffee with and commiserate on our experiences.

    I can't tell you how good it feels to make my own decisions on what I should or shouldn't do. I have one child so can't imagine the added work/fun and stress/love of 5. :) But, I know how happy I am to allow my child the chance to grow up with a normal life. My child is my contribution to the global community. I can raise someone who will contribute to the world and be a part of wherever mankind is going.

    Others have said it, I'll repeat it - Go slow. For years you have been worked into a frantic pace and told "the end is near". It isn't! There may be an end someday if we destroy ourselves. But, it isn't happening anytime in the near future, and it isn't going to be a judgement day from god. Would a loving god kill people in India or China during an armageddon who have never heard a msg? Is there any chance you could preach to all the people on earth? A loving god wouldn't. You are going to be just fine. Actually you are eventually going to be fantastic. Don't stress about the doubts you will have on your doubting. Another poster said it all ready, but I can confirm I had almost constant attacks of worrying I was being foolish and making a mistake. Until the brainwashing is cleared you may have the same. What worked for me was having a couple core things I knew for certain. Every time I had overwhelming doubts I'd end up falling back on those core things I knew and they got me past my anxiety and fear of being wrong. Now I know beyond a shadow of a doubt I made the right decision.

    Take your time with your husband. With my wife, at first she would have missed any meeting I would. But, once she saw I was doubting she started trying to get us to meetings. Just go real slow and find reasons to stay home. 5 kids and I could have one of them with some condition preventing a meeting for sure! :)

    Keep replying and posting and being a part of the community. Don't be afraid to comment because some posters know so much or seem very quick to reply or question you. It is part of growing and challenging all beliefs to stand up to facts. Growth and learning is what this community is about. It will be a comfort over the next year. Best of luck!

  • Aunt Fancy
    Aunt Fancy

    Welcome All for Show! My husband was in for 58 years and was a 3rd and 4th generation JW. we came out together two years ago and I would keep reading and researching because it will make everything clear to you once you have done this. If you haven't read Crisis of Consciense I would definitely get a copy and read it.

    Your children will thank you one day if you get them out and let them have the freedom to enjoy life without all of the restrictions on education, sports and activities. They are also a great source for you to make new friends.

    It is not easy leaving this religion and it is a real roller coaster ride but it is so worth it. Life is so much better when you have the freedom to live life the way you choose without a group of people looking over your shoulders and judging you.

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