Blown away-- where to go from here

by All for show 83 Replies latest jw friends

  • All for show
    All for show

    I stumbled upon this website a few weeks ago due to the ridiculousness, since then I haven't been able to pull myself away. The thoughts, feelings, and concerns I have had the past few years aren't just mine. It's global. Something is wrong and it isn't with me.

    I am trying to sum up some background history. I am still 'in' and active, 4th generation born in on BOTH sides. I was fortunate growing up to have great (open minded as a jw parent can get) parents, which made growing up in the KH difficult. I come from a family with significant means, 5 siblings, we were all allowed to play sports and expected to obtain a bachelors degree. You can only imagine the Harshesneses we all experienced in our 'loving christian congregation'. This formed much of my adolescent opinion of the people who shared our faith, but never doubted it was 'the truth'.

    My feelings have intensely become dissatisfied once I began having children and it felt like, having kids was 'bad' as it took away time for precious service. Don't they realize the only ones coming in are 'born in'. I was contributing!! Then, we continued having children, 5 under the age of 7 with a set of twins. You can only imagine what our loving 'friends' in our congregation had to say. It takes great effort to get to the meeting and what we hear is ridiculous, no one thinks, they don't respect anyone with education because we are labeled 'worldly and greedy' (husband and I both have advanced degrees) no one can hold a decent conversation. We are so tired of hearing the end is here, tomorrow, tonite, hold on, don't live your life, do more for the ministry....JW's are some of the most depressed, unhappy, arrogant, broke, pompous people I know. Their judgements are so harsh and they are so willing to push people out, while wasting hours knocking on doors Talking to no one. We hate how we are respected in the community by 'evil wordly people' but judged and looked down on by 'Gods people'. You know, the ones who are like our family? Yea right, such BS.

    I have also doubted the 1914 date for years and the GB and it's changing direction, don't question anything because you are marked and without faith, let alone setting yourself up for a JC. I grew up not trusting elders or pioneers ( thankfully, that's probably why I'm not DF'd but could be). All the secret elder info, making a jw hierarchy and people worshipping these jw 'rock stars'. Bad mouthing education, but as soon as you have a degree they can use, Bethel or the RBC will use you, while your In school they treat you like trash.

    We hold no position in the hall and aren't stellar attendees due to our family, kids, and work schedules. I am slowly mentioning stuff to the hubby. I don't think it would be much to fade....I was more willing to be at meeting then him in the past. I will mainly have family pressure.... Everyone is a JW, activity level varies....I feel it's a lost cause to raise my kids in a lie, with the stigma, pressure, and they will undoubtedly not be accepted in the KH because our views are so different.

    I have so many questions, this is all recent, finding such a large group of people and other websites with so much information. I believe in Jehovah and his son, but then sometimes I doubt that. I am not ready to relinquish my belief in God. But, to believe and be raised as a JW, was just a waste Of the last 37 years? I am fortunate my parents were so 'liberal' Compared to other hardcore crazy jw parents.

    I am all over the place processing this information. Hello and thanks to all of you, I have been lurking and reading your stories, thoughts, and opinions And it's been wonderful. I am not alone anymore.

  • jam

    Welcome; Make sure you get some rest, when my eyes was

    open I went nuts, researching. There is so much knowledge here

    it will blow your mind.LOL

  • This is my tigersuit
    This is my tigersuit

    you are not alone and we are all here to support you! it will get "interesting" i assure you- but it will be worth it. knowledge is power.

  • Daniel1555


    Thanks for your post.

    Many JWs think that to believe in Jehovah and Jesus means to believe in the organisation. But that's wrong. You can personally believe in Jehovah and Jesus and come to realize the organisation is wrong on many things and not guided by god.

    All the best in your journey.

  • Apognophos

    Welcome, All for show. It sounds like you already have learned a lot. Certainly it's been a continuing educational experience for me these past couple of years.

    Nobody here should make you feel like you need to give up your faith (though some will try). What's most important is to escape the damaging influence of the religion, and to innoculate your kids against it. Simply not taking them to meetings isn't enough, when they might be exposed to it through family. Lots of "born-arounds" get sucked into it much later in life. So as they gain reasoning ability, they'll need encouragement to use critical thinking.

    I'm glad you had a lenient upbringing; of course you can't have the best of both worlds -- as you saw there is a price to be paid when other JWs perceive you as "weak" -- but I'd say you got the better end of the deal.

  • AnnOMaly

    WELCOME All for show. A 3rd-generationer here so I sympathize. I also grew up learning not to trust elders (never told them anything) and thought our problem congregation was one of only a handful. It took reading Crisis of Conscience to realize the same kinds of problems that plagued our congo were systemic and stemmed from the top of the hierarchy. Much of what you describe as getting to you also gets to hubby and I.

    Good for you and your family in bucking the trend and getting degrees - advanced ones at that! My husband also caught a lot of flak for going to College. After many, many years wobbling on the JW tightrope for the sake of family (once we'd woken up), we finally quit early 2013. Among other factors, we were not going to let our children be affected by the anti-higher ed. propaganda any more.

    Your head will be spinning, heart racing and emotions doing somersaults for a while. Deep breaths and try to take it slow. You don't need to figure everything out all at once.

  • Simon
  • daringhart13

    Welcome....prepare to experience a wide range of emotions. Some of us have traveled the world and studied hard to get to the bottom of something we were 'born into'.......

    You're not crazy. It's a cult.

  • Witness My Fury
    Witness My Fury

    Take your time and do the research.

  • Make Lemonade
    Make Lemonade


    It was very painful to realize that Jehovah's Witnesses do not have the "truth". Then you could go thru a period of making apologies to friends and family for teaching them something that proved false. Perhaps you could also start to think that you wasted your life serving men and not God. Hopefully you will reach a point were you are happy to have a new life. Part of your new life includes the realization that you did not waste anytime as a witness. What you experienced will be of great help to many people. Part of enjoying your new life is finding ways to benefit others with your unique experiences.

    Sounds like you will do just fine. Thanks for sharing your feelings.

Share this