Blown away-- where to go from here

by All for show 83 Replies latest jw friends

  • Comatose

    Field service is such a waste of time. I can count on 2 hands how many people I've known who came into the "truth" since I was a kid and I'm pushing 40. All that time and money spent in an ineffective method... I asked my mom once if her next door neighbors knew their very life depended on listening to her and becoming a JW? She said, well you couldn't tell your neighbor that. I said, why not? If you truly believe they are going to die any day now then how could you NOT tell them or convince your next door neighbors. Her brain shut down and the conversation died.

    I was in a hall with family and many long time friends. A divorce in the family led to the happiest people on earth picking sides and ostracizing us. I moved a few states away it was so bad. Best decision I ever made. It allowed me to get out.

    Know this, "worldly" poeple are much kinder and politer than you realize right now. My workmates always respected me and my beliefs. Wait until you realize how crazy all your long held beliefs are. You will realize just how kind and polite they have been. Your non-JW friends will keep your secret and actually help you. They will keep your secret and be very careful not to talk to your family about you. Trust me, they may politely respect you and your families right to be a JW, but they know how weird it is. They will be thrilled to help you in your exit. You will in fact get even closer once you open up and tell them what you are going through.

    All the best wishes to you and your family.

  • Billy the Ex-Bethelite
    Billy the Ex-Bethelite


    You can expect various feelings of awakening, uncertainty, grief, anger, regret, and mourning, among a flood of emotions. You've already gotten a lot of great posts here to reflect on. If you're interested, here are links to some of my suggestions:






  • Comatose

    Billy! You helped me a lot when I was going through this same new guy situation 2 years ago. Thanks.

  • sd-7

    Welcome. Another awakening. It sounds like you have already started down the right path. I wonder what advice I could possibly offer here.

    Well, since you're married, I would say, until you are absolutely sure of how your mate feels, you'd best keep your doubts to yourself. My wife turned me in to the elders for having doubts, and it was a very difficult time. I told the story on here a few years ago, along with what I could write down from my committee. Check out my 'Borg Court' threads for that. For now, be careful about who you trust. That's the first bit of advice.

    The second bit of advice is to continue reading as many different books as possible to broaden your perspective on all this. That'll be a real lifeline in helping you in the transition process. It has definitely kept me sane and brought me a lot more peace than I otherwise would have had.

    The other thing is, this is going to be very stressful, especially if you have to maintain appearances for a time. So you need to take good care of yourself. And...find someone who understands how you feel and talk to them. There are good people here who I'm sure will be of great help to you.

    It won't be easy, but you can make it. I hope you and your family will be able to find your way to lasting freedom in due time.


  • Perry

    When I have gone out I get put with some 18 -20 year old pioneer girls so they can 'assist and encourage' me and help with whichever kids I have. How ridiculous, I end up taking the doors and they are 'shocked' how well I can speak to householders and such. What this tells me is they have judged me, some punk teenagers with little to No life experience are going to encourage me, a married women with children, and actual life experience. Ha. Ha.

    How most meetings what we hear is so hypocritical is just absurd.

    This fine pioneer sister was having similar negative feelings. She humbly felt the need to have her thinking readjusted.

    The elders were able to utilize a new electronic service through to pinpoint an area of brain activity that had not yet fully submitted to the directions of the Faithful and Discreet Slave. After several treatments, she is now not only able to tolerate chatty teenaged sisters assigned to assist and encourage her, she even helps them with their homework!

    What a fine outcome there is when things are practiced according to arrangement.

  • problemaddict 2
    problemaddict 2

    Hey AFS,

    Wow. It never ceases to amaze me as new people are on here all the time, how many things there are in common. So here are a few of my musings. I too have young children (not 5). :)

    So just afew off the cuff thoughts. the more you learn, the more you will want to tell others. Hold off on that. The desire will subside with time.

    Focus instead on your husband and children. Even with a thin thread tot he hall, you never know who may just dive in with eyes wide shut, and start shunning you a decade or two from now. the teachings are not harmless. Think of just two, blood, and shunning. How much harm is done there? You are allowing yourself to research, just look here. thousands of people with broken families. Make yours the priority. Everything else should come from that.

    Next, right now you are a bit miffed because of primarily social issues. People being jealous, gossiping, etc... But those are local issues. Just move to Orange County, CA or west side of LA, and those issues go away. The REAL issues are the culture and doctrinal structure of a fundamentalist end time religion. It doesn't have to break your belief in God, but for me it certainly has. I no longer can accept things such as the flood myth, and I make no excuses for Gods supposed behavior in the OT that is far worse than any murderer i have ever heard of.

    Still......I'm not sure where that takes me.

    And that brings me to that last point. Don't feel like you have to do.......anything. You don't have to jump into some other belief system. You don't have to accept some other faith, or ditch the concept of a creator, or even feel like you must still believe in one. Allow yourself access to all information, and research. It sounds like you are doing that already.

    Ride the roller coaster, and check in. We understand, and it helps to talk to peopl who understand. Welcome to the board.

  • Gustv Cintrn
    Gustv Cintrn

    Hi, and welcome to this board,

    We have in common the generational JW backgrounds, also the educational accomplishments. However, perhaps due to our Hispanic culture, furthering one's education and pursuing business ventures is not really frowned upon in my cong and surrounding Spanish congs, regardless of what the Org says; perhaps because we're immigrants and want to better ourselves and the best for our children's future in this wonderful Country (USA).

    Also, culturally we're very chummy and gregarious, so very clickly, kissy/huggy/smily, so much attention and friendship for all involved in the congs. Having said that you mentioned the following in your opening post:

    "We hold no position in the hall and aren't stellar attendees due to our family, kids, and work schedules."

    It seems to me that you're projecting onto the brothers/sisters (JWs) who you both really are: Uninterested. Therefore, this is also what you get from them in return.

    It's a reciprocity type deal, you know. Want more, do more, be more, show more. Otherwise, enjoy it here; you'll find plenty of like-minded subjects among these fine posters.


  • losingit

    That's a huge generalization about Hispanic congs in the US. I belonged to one for 13 of the 15 I was a jw, and one thing they all had in common-- cliques GALORE! Lol to your comment about friendship n attention for all-- that was not my experience!

    Oh, welcome AFS. I made many of the observations you did. Drove me mad.

  • stuckinarut2


    yes, we are all in this together!

    you are not alone.....

  • Balaamsass2


    Just breath deep, read and say little for the first few months. The wife and I are also born-ins- 3 generations.

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