Spanking VS. Reasoning

by SpeedRacer 68 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  SpeedRacer

  I am having a discussion at work with the JW's. Should you spank a child to make them understand or do you reason with them. They both agree with spanking. I have two grown sons that I raised alone. My youngest was a holy terror and the oldest was great. Both made it through college with top grades. I spanked them both , and especially my youngest. I am a huge opponent to spanking now. I actually went back and talked to both of my sons and apologized for ever laying a hand on them as my mother and father did me. Has your experience changed your heart and views on this subject.

  Thanks,

  Speedracer
• 

  Apognophos

  Parents, and authority figures in general, often make the mistake of assuming that a certain standard need only apply to the people under them. So, for instance, a parent would not want their child to swear, but when they swear, their child realizes that it's not a standard they need to live by. What their parents do has a bigger influence than what they say. Well, that's all common sense, right?

  So what goes through a child's mind when the parent is raising them not to solve their problems with violence, but when the child misbehaves, the parent resorts to violence? Does the child say, "Well, that's my mom/dad, they're an exception to the rule." Or do they learn from example?
• 

  jgnat

  Looking back, I could have established my authority and their obedience by outsmarting them, without resorting to spanking. After all, that's how I got them through the teen years.

  My children are not resentful. I never spanked in anger. Consequences were always clearly laid out. I think they dreaded the speech before and after more than the deed itself.

  It's laying out creative consequences and consistently following through that leads to good citizens, IMO. That's what decided me that I never needed the rod in the first place.
• 

  StephaneLaliberte

  I SPANK MY KIDS. Yes, I do. And if you asked me face to face, I’d tell you the same thing. In today’s day and age, people seem to believe it is the worst thing, but I do believe it to be needed as a “last resort”, when everything else fails.

  For instance, (1) try to reasons, (2) take away privileges, (3) Threat that I will spank and (4) Spank.

  I rarely get to spanking but it seems that from time to time, they need to be reminded just what spanking does.

  That being said, there are times where I will forgo all the steps and go directly to spanking:

  (1) Blatant lack of respect for an authority figure (ex: name calling).

  (2) Not listening to a direct and urgent order such as “don’t run away from me in a parking lot”. I consider that a couple of spanks is much better than being run over by a car.

  (3) Screaming uncontrollably in order to make a scene.

  That being said, I do teach my kids that they can say NO if they can explain why. Thus, I do not want blind obedience.
• 

  StephaneLaliberte

  Also, I find that as kids grow up, they are easier to reason with and thus, spanking gets out of the picture.

  To quote from Rocky Balboa, nothing hits as hard as life. As they grow up, they are able to better understand and withstand “hits” from life that will be worst than what I could ever deliver on their bums. That’s why, when they become teenagers, spanking doesn’t have its place.
• 

  jwfacts

  Spanking is the lazy parents option.

  If your boss spanked you whenever you did not do as he said you would call the police. So why is it considered acceptable to hit a small defenseless child? (Funny how parents stop spanking their children once they get large enough to defend themselves and hit back.)

  People are concerned about domestic violence, yet train that behavior into their children by showing that hitting someone is the way to get them to do what you want.
• 

  GrreatTeacher

  I swore I would never spank and then had a child who was a holy terror. I ended up swatting him on the butt out of frustration until he started hitting me back at age 3.

  I was horrified when I realized that I had taught him that by my example. The spanking stopped abruptly.
• 

  Crazyguy

  All throught my childhood I was spanked a lot. I dont remember if i was really that bad of a kid. Yes stuborn and had a temper but really I dont remember being all that bad. My mom was like a drill sargent if I did any thing wrong out came the paddle. We my wife and I noticed with our second child when we spanked him he would become voilent so we stoped and used different statagies. I have serveral kids and to this day most of the time we do not have to use violence and they are all pretty well behaved. My temper may have come from the spankings I recieved who knows. Anyways there are better ways.
• 

  Magnum

  I was all for a good old butt-whooping, but after reading some of the excellent points made on this thread, I'm having second thoughts. Appognophos & jwfacts - you're both making me reconsider my feelings.

  jwfacts: If your boss spanked you whenever you did not do as he said you would call the police. So why is it considered acceptable to hit a small defenseless child? (Funny how parents stop spanking their children once they get large enough to defend themselves and hit back.)

  People are concerned about domestic violence, yet train that behavior into their children by showing that hitting someone is the way to get them to do what you want.

  Wow, that's something to think about. I might be changing my mind about my approval of spanking.
• 

  Razziel

  Including spanking in certain situations is a good way of teaching your children how the law enforcement and criminal justice system works. I say that with only partial sarcasm.

  Your boss doesn't spank you when you don't do what he says, but the cops sure will.