by Quarterback 77 Replies latest watchtower beliefs
88JM said, " I seem to remember a thread on here about a month ago with someone who had a "friend in high places" who also said there were even bigger changes coming, but not until after the annual meeting?"
Ha! Yeah, "Cosmic Reshuffling" is coming, but first this word from our sponsor."
What a bunch a wankers!
No doubt parents have played the game with kids (perhaps in a car on a long trip) where they keep them from getting bored by playing "games" or coming up with stupid "things to look out for"?
Its just the same with all of these announcements etc! They are just things designed to keep the enthusiasm levels high so the average witness doesn't get too bored....
Advertising and marketing people do the same thing. They design a product, release it to market, then when the hype starts to die down they release a "new and improved" version (usually the same stuff just repackaged) and the hype builds up again!
So too with all of these "new" announcements!!
It has come to our attention that due to excessive amount of no-hoper brothers refusing to accept our loving provision to reach out and be appointed as an official BOE's bitch.
This invitation will now be extended to sisters and children in good standing, (it's so hard to find good help these days!).
We are pleased to announce the release of GBTV. Where for a small monthly "donation" you can recieve 24hr news and updates, aswell as drama, a new bethel sitcom and the latest nu-lite announcements including live interactive merciful disfellowshippings in the all new JC "thunderdome" style arena.
We are pleased to announce that weather permitting we have penciled in armageddon for the 12th of never..
From a good source in Bethel, I have heard that the amount to be "pledged" by each congregation is actually based on Euros and not US Dollars.
So they are expecting about 30% more than the actual pledges.
Rub a Dub
Watchtower and Awake finally becoming one magazine?
New masthead -
The Watchtower: Announcing Jehovah's Kingdom - incorporating Awake, incorporating Golden Age incorporating articles about the amazing dung beetle and its relevance to the march of the world powers and the overlapping generation, did we say the generation that saw 1914 will not pass away? nope, not us! and by the way Watchtower library back to 1950 will be discontinued as it shows up all the false prophecies from freddy franz. Use the on line library - clean and post 2000 and far less embarrassing.
It is likely that the two will be merged into one new 32 page monthly mini-magaziine designed specifically for the public.
AwakeTower!
Happifyingly resplendent, and aluminum-free
What is the celestial chariot up to now?
'aluminum-free'
1 mag + 1 mag = 0
Simple.
It is based on pure, unadultered Bible prophesy.
Isa 62:10 "Go through, go through the gates (gateway to the net); prepare ye the way of the people; cast up, cast up the highway (the Internet); gather out the stones (downloads from JW.org); lift up a standard for the people."
As you can see Brothers and Sisters it says here that we would lift up "a standard" for the people. It is our pleasure to announce a loving provision from Jehovah to his people. The Governing Body of Jehovahs Witnesses is proud to announce - and we are doing this with watery eyes, that starting from September 1st, 2014 every Congregation will be able to download their own forms from our website. We will stop shipping any paper form of any sort to the thousands of congregations around the globe.
Please ask your local Body of Elders to download and print these forms at your Kingdom Hall. More information will be provided in a future letter.
We certainly hope that you are excited and rejoycing about this change, because Jehovah has brought great things upon his people.
Our love and blessings,
GB 2.0 - The Wankers sitting right next to Jesus.
sent from our iPhone
(Elders: since this was sent out as a sms, please print this out and hang it on the board).
