Soon to be 18 and quit speaking to her mother- suggestions?

by Sanysfriend 95 Replies latest members private

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  Band on the Run

  Adam,

  Your reading of the gospels is as negative as you are. To say that Jesus trashed his family is inaccurate. You see nothing but dirt and gloom. I am not stating that there are not bizarre apocalyptic statements in the gospel b/c there are such statements. Jesus is not depicted as the most evil man of all time. This is not scholarship but diatribe.

  This is getting very tiresome. Jesus showed concern for Mary on the cross. There is a reason that scene was included in the gospels by the early church.

  Soon, we will see Jesus raping every man, woman, and child. You do seem hooked up on hate steroids.

  Each case has its own merits. People have different tolerances. My mom could never abandon me. I could not abandon her. It would be good if shunned ones could publicize what this doctrine does to people. So many members here state they would leave were it not for family who remain. I expect that some people have taken their own lives. When I was younger, I wondered why my mom did not just adopt another family. Life would be much easier if people could do that. This reminds me of the account of Job. He loses specific individuals b/c of the agreement between God and Satan. Wives, children. i assume they had names and personalities. The author apparently feels that giving him new wives and new children wipes out the pain of losing the first individuals. The story vexed me no end. As much as family members might annoy me, they remain my family members.
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  jgnat

  This mother has described the various character qualities of her children. They are not mannequins to her.

  As an aside, I am saddened that so many exiting Witnesses seem to have no clue what is going on inside their partner's head. Don't they talk about things other than picking up the milk and whose turn it is to do dishes? Often what I will hear from the exiting witness is the expected Witness programming they dread will kick in. This is not the person's character. That's the put-on "personality" that I unfortunately know backwards and forwards now. Who wants to trigger that response?

  I have a son with a severely compromised future because of the debilitation of his mental illness. I grieved for years for that loss. My son also was careless with his relationships, especially in the early years of his delusions (I am king of the world). I helped get him committed, he came to terms with his illness (a profoundly humbling experience), and he forgave me. I helped him forgive himself. He calls me every day as a check-in, and never fails to thank me for loving him so constantly. I am an important anchor in his very confusing world.

  My daughter, the easy child, checks in with me every couple weeks if I haven't called. She asks for ideas on dealing with one office politic or another. She, like my son, is in her middle thirties so really doesn't need my help any more but I think she uses these brainstorming sessions as an excuse to stay in touch.

  My teenage granddaughter is showing shades of the strengths and weaknesses that mark my own personality. This past week she lost three house keys. I took a few moments to share the reality of living with this disability, and gave her some tips that will save her all sorts of inconvenience and grief. When I saw her get damp around the eyes (like her mother she is a sensitive, good child), I reminded her of her goodness. It's well, simply, she has to get on top of this disability. I went home and got busy with my label maker, as a gift. She is energized to put in place those tools I told her she will find absolutely necessary in the years to come.

  I learned of my granddaughter's passion, maybe not unique to her generation, towards endangered animals and frankly, creatures of all kinds. She was disgusted to learn that uggs are made from the hide of the sheep, which equates to a dead sheep. We had a lively debate about that.

  I am sure my children would tell you that I know them better than anyone. I know all mothers are not like this. My own mother cannot empathize. I keep her at a distance to protect my heart. I tell you, children (except maybe the psychopaths) are worth fighting for. The pain of waiting is it's own beauty, a reminder of enduring love.

  Now, if it is the evolutionary imperative to avoid all psychic pain, perhaps I should have replaced my son. I am glad I did not. He is, too.
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  Miss.Fit

  Oh gnat, I wish I had a mother like you. You sound awesome.
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  adamah

  BOTR, please desist the urge to use 'ad hominems'.

  Further, don't blame me if YOU feel the need to don TEC's blinders to ignore the OBVIOUS and unmistakeable UGLY plain-text message repeatedly delivered by Jesus throughout the NT (and foreshadowed in the OT), eg in Luke 14:26:

  If any one comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple. -Jesus

  That kind of message is consistently found in the OT and NT, and cannot be dismissed with some curt hand-waving of, "Oh, Jesus didn't mean that literally, it's only allegorical" or some-such nonsense. In fact, it's one of the few NON-CONTRADICTIONS found throughout the Bible: the need to place God ABOVE the interests of one's family members. The consensus opinion of NT bible scholars agree with the ugly truth I present.

  So hand-wave as you like, but my next question is only going to be, "Well, please explain this 'hidden allegorical meaning', please!" and the believer's response is typically cricket chirps.... They cannot offer any other reading, since there is no sane alternate interpretation of those words.

  Granted, most Xian pastors aren't going to base their Sunday morning sermons around such anti-family passages as found in Luke, but the fact is that some groups DO base their teachings on those brutal words of Jesus, with some even willing to shun family members; some will even try to force family members to DIE in the name of making Jehovah "happy", based on those words of valuing Jesus over one's own life, i.e. a willingness to DIE for God. Maybe you've heard of a little cult called Jehovah's Witnesses?

  Heck, there's no one BETTER than an ex-JW who should be able to understand the Bible for what it is: a historical relic from a brutal time in ancient history, with very little to offer of interest to anyone outside of scholarly circles (eg historians, archaeologists, etc). It's completely ABSURD to take the Bible as the "Divinely-inspired instructions from Jehovah God", to be used as an instruction manual to a lead one's life (as JWs do), for reasons which should be self-evident to anyone who's bothered to study how the Bible came into existence.

  BOTR, you do realize that JWs STILL DIE as a result of trying to follow the message found in the Bible, from refusing blood transfusions? See, it's not ALL about you, and your addiction to the neurotransmitter 'high' that believing in God and Jesus gives you, making you feel loved and protected, and all cozy inside.

  Instead, many believers appear to be locked into an addiction, but in denial, and hence unable to extract themselves (whether addicted to a harmful substance, or trapped in a co-dependent relationship with an abusive mate, etc):

  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=szeqB29z6AU

  The OP has learned that lesson the "hard way", since she's been forced to pay the price of such cruel ancient attitudes which ARE found in the Bible and propagate down to this day, since they were advocated by Jesus (who ironically was a religious zealot, the very prototype of a martyr which other early-Xians attempted to emulate). To deny that the early Xian tradition of dying as a martyr by following in the footsteps of a venerated Jesus is absolutely delusional, and simply ignoring the historical evidence even as presented by the early Church (i.e. attitudes found in the writings of Origen, Eusebus, etc).

  As the video says, "everyone deserves to feel SAFE, NOT saved".
• 

  ABibleStudent

  This use to be a good thread of supporting a mother with hope to help her daughter to critically think for herself until it got hijacked with posters venting about their own issues.

  Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,

  Robert
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  jgnat

  Ditto with the hijack.

  Adamah, if the "true Christian" today were seeking after the Historical Jesus, they indeed may be shocked that they are dealing with a zealot convinced that he was on the cusp of the end of the world.

  But Christianity has changed - a lot - over the centuries. We've taken over the icon for good and right and moved over the values to what we know is good and right today.

  I want moms to be hopeful.
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  BackseatDevil

  @jgnat No offense, but you are talking about YOU. I am not talking about you. Your childrens' growth are uniquely yours based off the circumstances and infinite little details that sculpt you, them, and the relationship between you two based off the QUALITY OF THE TIME SPENT TOGETHER. And with that, I have to agree with @Miss.Fit - You sound like an awesome mother.

  I am talking about a religion... and an extreme case where religion supports a mother's want to... for some sort of warped reason... trump the natural course and DNA of a child. You didn't do that with your son... you worked WITH the natural course and DNA of your son. That is what makes you sound awesome.

  This religion ASSUMES that everyone who leaves should go back... needs to go back... WANTS to go back. It doesn't allow - especially with families - the possibility that maybe the world is just BETTER. Maybe they have a happy life and they are content. It shows ZERO respect by providing no "OFF" switch that says "Do not bother this person anymore". I smoke, I drink, I do drugs, I'm gay, I f**k, and I write apostate s**t ALL over the internet... and for some reason there is STILL HOPE FOR ME.

  That's not a mother's love. That's psychotic.

  Unless every time your grown children visit, you rip off your blouse and try to force breast-feed them, I don't think you understand the true suffocating nature that the religion can impose on a family... because THAT is what it feels like to me - my mother shoveing her tit in my face. I'm a grown man heading toward my 40's. I AM TIRED of the assumption that I need to 'turn my life around' and this childlike shock that maybe... just maybe... i'm ATHEIST AND HAPPY. The "i don't believe you're really gay" is homophobic and hurtful, mentally and emotionally crippling, and makes the concept of tits in the face that much more horrifying. It may be motherly, but it's not respectful to me as a grown man or a human being.

  For the respect of ADULTS, lines have to be drawn, boundaries laid. With this religion, everything is assumption - nothing is real. So I still say a clean and quick break. Sever all ties. Once groundwork on your own foundation is established (for real) THEN re-establish ties with your family... IF that can happen. It may not. There are millions of REAL orphans out there that live perfectly normal and successful lives, learn from them.
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  Quandry

  Well, Sany and friend-welcome to the forum.

  How sad that children would ever shun their own mother. It is cruel. I am sorry to hear of it. Glad you are here with us. Please don't be put off by some who hijack threads such as this one. They obviously have a lot of pain from the WTS mandates.
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  snare&racket

  Well.... Raise a kid in a cult....guess what will happen....
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  Apognophos

  That's the epitome of an unhelpful smart-ass comment, s&r. I've been following this thread since it started, but haven't contributed because I know I have nothing helpful that I can add... that self-knowledge is the sole difference between you and me at the moment.