by Sanysfriend 95 Replies latest members private
Backseatdevil, did you skip the part that you have my permission to distance yourself from your mother? Are you suggesting that this eighteen year old will suffocate her mother? Absurd.
This is getting repetitive. If this mother regrets how she raised her girls and would make amends if she could, all the more power to her.
I'm suggesting what I wrote in my last paragraph. That's it. People put A LOT of emphasis on family blood and this religon exploits that. Sometimes, family of choice is a lot healthier than biology. SOMETIMES. If it doesn't apply to you, that's fine. But I have been without my family for 15 years and been just fine. MANY of my gay brothers and sisters have.
And it doesn't matter. The post is hypothetical at best. "My good friend has a daughter who will soon...". Sure, maybe it's a real situationl. But the honest options (and there are an array of options) will never be conveyed to the "friend" properly... so it doesn't really even matter, does it?
Backseatdevil, you really haven't been paying attention, have you? His good friend came on afterwards and described her children, described her deep regret and how she wished she could restore these damaged relationships. This is a mother who knows her children as I do.
Sometimes it is healthier to replace families, and I advise this all the time to adult children with toxic parents.
There is a different dynamic between parent and child when it is the parent who awakens first. The parent is invested in undoing some of the damage, and to restore what she can. This also is all healthy. It is better for the child to know they will never be abandoned, no matter what stupid programming may come out of their mouth now.
Hello...I have not had a computer in a while and just now getting to all of these messages.....you have all given me some wonderful advice and informative sites and books to look into further. As you all know I have a short amount of time and have been quite paralyzed as I contemplate what my daughter plans to do. I have tried to respond to some of your messages individually as there are so many....I want to feel as gnat has stated that my daughters are NOT write offs by any means. I want to find the right questions that I can ask to get Sierra thinking on her own, I want to let her see that obviously God is still watching over me with favor afterall, how could I be going through all I have if he had not been strengthening me daily. I think for now I mainly want to work on showing her that shunning is not God like in any shape or form. Possibly if she will choose to have even slight contact with me in the future I can gradually pose questions to make her think harder on what she herself truly believes.
In answer to some of the other questions posed I was actually raised a JW and therefore it was not really a choice for me. I did leave for a couple years as a teen but was soon fearful of Armagheddon once again and went back and was baptized and tried to be the perfect JW. I did actually believe all that I was learning and was one hell of a fighter with my "sword" at the door. I thought I knew it all and all I wanted was to save all that I could from the "world"~........My childhood was made more difficult by the fact that my mother took her life in September of 75 a very pivotal year as you all are a ware. It was from COC I believe that a quote from the Aug 75 WT was listed stating that if one is depressed then they should not go to worldly doctors and take their meds but instead should do more for Jehovah and pioneer. My poor mother suffered from a great deal of depression and apparantly would not let others know...because she felt bad about it. My dad and her closest frient were the only ones who knew. So she signed up to pioneer the month of Sept and by the 25th she only had 11 and a half hours...I am sure that she felt as if she was a failure for not having even close to her hours.....I will never know but my father said the she had not been depressed until about 4 years previous and that is when they got baptized. I feel certain that she was not happy as a JW and she would up giving up on life entirely because of it and leaving a 8 yr old girl in the process to figure it out in her own way.
My Dad did eventually remarry when I was 16 and this is when I went to the world for a bit but came back at 21. I had a little brother from his 2nd marriage and he too began to faulter and not come to meetings much when he was about 20....but then at 22 he became deathly ill....the elders made him confess that he had slept with his fiance and reminded him that he must not take blood and prove his loyalty to Jehovah in order to receive everlasting life. He did just that and died from not taking any blood. Yet his fiance was immediatly DF.
I have seen so much sickening damage done to people in the borg that I absolutely hate all of it with a passion and would never go back....but I am so angry that I am finding it hard to even talk about or read their crap even to try and show my daughter the truth. I am heartbroken yet know that I must be strong and quit being led completely by my emotions and find ways to help a young girl open her mind and realize that speaking to her mother who has loved her dearly and unconditionally is not wrong.
I am continuing to read all of what you have advised and realize I have a lot of studying ahead of me in the coming month. I want to get the book by Steve Hassan as well in hopes that I can gain more helpful way to at least convince her to keep in contact with me.
Bless you all and thank you for helping me through this....at times I feel as if this interim period is like waiting for her to die of a terminal illness yet I have to remember that I do still have HOPE and find ways to remain steadfast in my own resolve to have a personal relationship with God as we were given that freedom when Christ died and JW's need to see that they have taken that freedom away and that is despicable in the eyes of God I am sure!!!
Welcome back, coppersgirl. I suggest you become expert in your daughter rather than immerse yourself in the WT materials any more. One of the key messages from Hassan is getting to know your loved-ones natural, authentic personality.
Also can you all please help me decide which specific book by Steve Hassan I should try to read by the end of next month.....obviously I can't read them all and mainly hoping to be able to convince my daughter to stay in contact with me....however, she did ask me once to show her from the bible that it is not the truth which schocked me and I was not prepared so hoping to have that same opportunity again with her to at least show her maybe 3 points from the bible to make her question~
Get the latest.
Hi coppersgirl67, If you only get to ask your daughter one question, I would recommend telling your daughter how much you love her, and asking her "Other than believe that the WTBTS is God's mediator between JWs and God instead of solely Jesus Christ, what can I do so that you will associate with me like Jesus Christ associated with non-Jews (i.e., John 4)?".
Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,
Robert
Edited
I would recommend reading "Freedom of Mind: Helping Loved Ones Leave Controlling People, Cults and Beliefs. Also, if you don't have a lot of time, I would recommend watching the following video by Steve Hassan: Strategic Interactive Approach explained 2003 (1:23:23). Do not show the video to your daughter because Steve Hassan specifically says that the WTBTS is a dangerous cult.
Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,
Robert
The Witnesses are not the truth? How about Matthew 7? As soon as the sick, poor, or hurting are harshly treated, the organization has lost the blessing.
What issues are important to your daughter? Pick one or two of those. The WTS picks and chooses its scriptures but for nearly every scripture there is a counter. The WTS is hitting hard on education right now and there is scant justification for it. There is a Proverb, do you see a man skilled in his work? he will stand before kings.
Back seat devil said
That is assumption. And I personally have not found this to be true to a large percentage. The mother WANTS to know their hopes, dreams, etc. but the children do not even know themselves yet because they have not fully developed... so how could the mother know ANY of these things? Can she fortell the future? No. This is presumptuous at best. A person's life is not dictated by their mother's FEELINGS... it is dictated by the path they take on their own two feet. HOW a child learns on their own creates the human. How things effect them (death, loss, string of good luck, love, separation, etc.) are all details that carve and guide a person outside what the mother "knows".
Therefore, a mother's projection... "guardian angel" of sorts is not only evolutionarily absurd and dangerous in preventing growth, it is offensive to the millions of children who have to grow up, live a life, move forward, and succeed without any mother AT ALL. I know it's hard, but necessity is not defined as the want of ONE person's interest (regardless of who that person may be). We have to think about everything and everyone else connected. Otherwise (as mentioned) it's selfish.
I must say I do agree with this and growing up without a mother and several losses as well I can say that all of those events helped me carve out in my mind that I have no control over another and have chosen to always encourage my daughters talents and also to appreciate that they are unique and they will choose and decide how to live their lives....I am saddened that they are so talented in so many ways yet their JW life prevents them from growing in that direction but hopefully at a future time it will. I know that they have seen me allow them to grow in their own right. I am not the mother always telling them what they should do but rather encourage them to tell me what they would like to do and stand behind them. Sierra has changed a lot over the last year and quit thinking of dreams she had when she was younger and now focuses solely on the "truth" as she sees it. While I appreciate her commitment I simply want to find a way to help her see that completely abandoning me will not only hurt me but will also hurt her in the long run and as jgnat said she will have to look back on the beautiful moments in her life that she took away from me.
