I had a music album by a gay guy before I was a JW and had no problem listening to it. It's good music. Some of the lyrics are what you might call 'gay', that is there's some talk about boyfriends, gay bars, and queens and the intolerance the artist encountered as a gay man. When I became a JW I stopped listening to it. This is going back to the mid nineties.
I loved that album and missed it for a long time. Well, one day recently I found it again at my mum's house and put it on. I still love the music, the same music I loved on it when I was 13 before this whole JW fiasco. I've worked with gay people and really, I couldn't care less that they were men and had male partners, or when I met a woman's female partner or whatever.
But the JW religion so indoctrinated me with a phobic reaction to homosexuality, I am having really strong feelings of guilt listening to this album right now. I know it's silly, because a story about a men finding love and that is really nice, whether they're gay or not. I'm torn between really enjoying my ancient forbidden music, and connecting with a part of myself from 20 years ago, and ingrained fear of anything 'gay'. I know it's irrational, and I feel guilty for having this reaction. It's funny that a part of me still revolts against gayness. I breed birds, and some of my buyers are gay (I notice gay men really love their pet birds and I know if I have a gay couple come and buy, those birds will be well looked after) and on one level I don't care and realise it's none of my business, but 15 years of JW conditioning vies with it in a strong negative and derogatory reaction. Before I was a JW, I was vocally pro-gay, even though I am straight. Now I know gay people are the same as straight, but my crazy emotions aren't keeping up.
If you're gay and reading this, please don't be offended. I think you're great and there's nothing wrong with you. I try to learn more about the gay perspective because it's 10% of the world's population, which is something really noticing, and besides, I think you're gorgeous. I just wish I could rid myself of 15 years of JW conditioning. Even now my feelings are rebelling at this song about 'you're one in a million men..." sung by a man. So stupid. What should I do?