Trying to overcome my homophobia.

by Julia Orwell 71 Replies latest jw friends

  • Separation of Powers
    Separation of Powers

    @ JuliaOrwell

    First, get rid of the guilt....It doesn't help you or the issue that you are contending with.

    Second, reach out to someone who can help you "mend" the mindset.

    Years ago, I contended with the realization that my JW background had made be an arse of the highest degree, judgmental, reactionary, prejudiced. Most of these were passive, but still prevalent in my mindset. I have a saying written on a piece of paper on my post-it board.

    "Indoctrinated to judge everyone, we sometimes become our own jury."

    Good luck, the first step is recognition.


  • fulltimestudent

    I'm not sure that this informs this discussion to any extent, but these kids are quite cute in their opinions:

  • Julia Orwell
    Julia Orwell

    hanks is all for your kind comments. I would like to have some gay friends and I suppose that should be a goal. I have trouble making friends because I'm still smarting from my jw experience and 1) don't feel I can open to new people just yet; and 2) I actually am not sure how one makes friends in person outside jws because I'm finding that outside the cult you have to build friendships because they don't just get shoved on you at the kh!

    As for thanking military personnel, we don't get many of them on the street here. But my brother was in for nearly the whole time I was a jw and just left this year. Deep down for years I was proud of what he achieved (quite a lot it turns out) and only when he left and I left jws at the same time could I actually tell him how proud I was of him. I wish I could have told him when he achieved these things. It was too late when he finished...and deep down I've always been proud of my grandfather who was a Rat of Tobruk and in the first division to beat the Germans for the first time in ww2. It was hard as a jw feeling guilty for these authentic feelings, but now I can tell the story with pride, although like the gay thing, phobic feelings remain.

  • Laika

    On an unrelated note, I like how positive you are Julia. It's always a pleasure to read your posts.

  • Julia Orwell
  • zound

    One of my best friends is gay.

    Get to know some nice gay people and before long the fact they're gay will be a non issue - seeing same sex couples holding hands in the street actually does catch my attention these days, but only because I'm happy to see them not being afraid to be who they are.

    Gay people have actually alot in common with people like us - shunning, judging, propoganda about them etc.

  • konceptual99

    I know it's not much of an intellectual contribution to the discusssion but any excuse to post a Family Guy reference...

  • Tiktaalik

    I was born and raised a jw. I had no problems with accepting homosexuals as just another way of being human. This is despite the fact that I was indoctrinated from the earliest age with all the tripe about the particular evilness of gays.

    So, Julia, since you asked, I say the problem lies with you. You need to grow up as a person and stop letting the cold dead hand of the watchtower having any input into how you shape your opinions of society.

    My rule is: if the watchtower says it then you know it's utter crap.

  • frogonmytoe

    Hi Data Dog you big hunk,

    Fancy PMing for a bit? I might be engaged, but hey, what the eyes don't see...

    Julia, at least you feel that your programmed responses are to be changed, all witnesses, many ex-jws and lots (too many) never-been-dubs cherish their homophobia.

  • Band on the Run
    Band on the Run


    I suspect you already have gay friends. The Episcopal Church is going through its battles concerning ordination of gay priests and bishops. I do live in a gay stronghold. The Roman Catholic Church and Anglican Church has always had tons of gay priests and bishops. So why not admit we have gay clergy. There could be no time when we did not have gay clergy. During the Renaissance, everyone knew gay popes, cardinals, prime ministers, etc. Most RC priests had acknowledged illegitimate children. Historians explain that the average parishoner preferred seeing priests who knew the headaches of long term relationships. This puritanical morality is a relatively recent phenomena. I don't know what triggered it. Now people are willing to be brave and say "I was born whole. God loves me. Your prejudice is unacceptable." There are segments of society where it is harder to come out. Since homosexualiy is part of your being, and not a lifestyle choice, you must know gays already.

    My addiction for English history is strong. As I read more and more biographies of famous kings and prime ministers, I discover they were openly gay. Popes were gay. Baptist ministers were gay. It is not a choice. Gays are everywhere. It is easier in certain cities to announce that you are gay. City living does not make you gay. The same rate must happen in more rural and isolated area but because of prejudice and religous beliefs, the gay individuals will try to hide it. So unless there is some statistical fluke, you already know and admire gay people in your life.

    The most masculine bishop I ever encountered, who had about ten children and a lovely wife, had an international reputation. Times were different only twenty years ago. He was the least effiminate man I knew. Well, in due time, as society changed, we found out he was bisexual.

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