Trying to overcome my homophobia.

by Julia Orwell 71 Replies latest jw friends

  • confusedandalone

    Julia I felt the same way as you. Not to mention that I am from a particular culture that really really haaaates homosexuals. So between that and the JW indoctrination I was a serious homophobe.

    The thing is especially after having a child with a disability I realized something, my child is born this way. The way he acts and the things that he does are do to his condition. Some people who do not have to deal with it may look at it and think negative things about him, the thing is in his world it is normal. I can't expect him to be something that he is not. With homosexuals I use to think:

    1. It is a choice

    2. They are doing it for attention

    3. THey know it is wrong

    Take the time to speak to someone who is gay and you will quickly realize that USUALLY none of those things are true. They are just normal people trying to carry on with life in the way that FEELS NORMAL TO THEM. They require love and affection just like every other human - the difference is that what they find attractive is different from what the MAJORITY find attractive. Once you realize that they are normal people just trying to make it like you and that they have the same problems and cares that you do things tend to make more sense. When you see the hurt they have to go through just to be who they are you have a whol new respect.

    Just imagine if everyone in society forced you to have sex with women so you could appear normal... that is the same feeling they have daily. Why not take the time to go to a very somewhere with someone who is a homosexual and just talk to them. Seeing that human side of another person really helps



    Please be careful. I know this site is all about tolerance and understanding, but you are treading down a dangerous road. Gay people are not content to mind their own business and lead their gay, perfectly coordinated couch and throw-pillow lives. They want to make YOU gay as well. They accomplish this through clever jokes, choreography, snappy dressing, cool hair, and yes..even great sounding music. Notice this bit of wisdom:

    WT 6/1/1989

    Music’s Role in a Christian’s Life

    For some, one way of enjoying good music is by singing or by learning to play an instrument. Great pleasure can be derived from solo and group performances with family and friends. As in all things, however, balance is needed. A recreation or a pastime should never become an obsession in a Christian’s life. If that should happen, even wholesome music, by reason of excess, would have unwholesome effects. Then the Christian would be in danger of becoming ‘a lover of pleasures rather than a lover of God.’—2 Timothy 3:4.

    Music is also an integral part of our worship of Jehovah. In ancient Israel, Asaph and his brothers sang: “Give thanks to Jehovah, you people; call upon his name, make his deeds known among the peoples! Sing to him, make melody to him, concern yourselves with all his wonderful acts.” Yes, music can praise God and please him.—1 Chronicles 16:8, 9.

    The Kingdom songs used by Jehovah’s Witnesses at their Kingdom Halls are based on Bible texts, psalms, prayers, and teachings. Can we not also deeply enjoy this sacred music? And should we not show our joy by singing these songs with feeling and enthusiasm? Even on occasions other than Christian meetings, can we not lighten our lives with the beautiful arrangements of these songs called Kingdom Melodies?
    In these orchestral renderings, all the musicians are Jehovah’s Witnesses. Some are professionals who play in symphony orchestras. Others, including the former rock musician quoted above, are talented young people who enjoy many types of decent music. They do not feel that they lose out because of renouncing music that reflects earthly, demonic attitudes. Their fine example shows that we too, if we allow Bible principles to govern our choice, can find much wholesome joy in music, both secular and sacred.—Ephesians 5:18-20.

    [Box on page 28]
    “Rock music has one appeal only, a barbaric appeal, to sexual desire—not love, not eros, but sexual desire undeveloped and untutored. . . . Young people know that rock has the beat of sexual intercourse.”—The Closing of the American Mind, by Allan Bloom.

    If "rock" music has the beat of "sexual intercourse", how much more so would gay music! It may start innocently enough, perhaps you listen to Erasure at home, when you are all alone. Then things could escalate. You find a set of wicker furniture at a garage sale that you just have to purchase. Never mind that it may be demon-possesed, but is buying gay-styled furniture the best use of our time and resources in this system of things? Now that you have wicker furniture, what is next? More time devoted to re-decorating your home? Time that could be spent in the life-saving rescue work is now squandered at Home Depot tryig to pick the perfect shade of paint, many of which are designed by gays. Surely, that is an unwise use of what little time remains in this wicked world.

    Then comes the art obsession, usually nude sculptures that could make one desire sexual intercourse. IKEA magazines may soon follow. Pet grooming is also an obsession of the gays. One Bible scholar noted that neutering male pets was a common practice among pagan nations. Likely it was to prepare their false god pets for a more gay-friendly afterlife. Not even pets are safe! Often times they are disgraced by gay sounding names like " Mr. Whiskers" or " Snuggles Mc Softy-fur" or " Murray." Gay names are not enough either, outfits for pets are quite common among homosexual, false god pet worshipping gays! It is a never-ending cycle of gay-shopping, decorating, dancing, clothing, hair styles, ect.

    PLEASE be careful! You start watching Glee with friends, perhaps listening to the Violent Femmes and you end up in an Interstate Truck-Stop bathroom with a midget cowboy wearing nothing but a gun-belt and 2 cans of cheeze-wiz, wondering what the hell happened to your life! I have seen it a million times. Such is the sudden and inevitable downward spiral into gayness and ultimately, madness.


  • Laika

    Do you have many gay friends Julia? The more you hang around with them (outside of work and as couples) the more you'll be purged of these feelings.

  • cantleave

    DD what a great post - Indeed a lesson for us all.

  • Adiva


    I agree with most of the comments. You need to hang out with some gay folks. Really, they're just like us.



    Gays don't try to convert you. That's what jehovah's witnesses do.


  • KateWild

    DD-wonderful work there.

    Julia-thank you for telling us about the residual effects of deprogramming from a CULT. You expressed it in such a rational manner although being humble enough to recognise the irrational homophobic reactions you have.

    This CULT clearly affects everyone in different ways. It also could trigger a response in us we don't like or expect.

    Thanks-Kate xx


    A wise man once said, " Gay people are just like everyone else, except they are gay." His name was Data-Dog.


    1) I don't like your name. "Diva" sounds like a gay.

    2) Gay people do try and make others gay. Take me for example. I have a Adonis body. I look fine in frumpy clothes. So why did Calvin Klein and his gay workers have to make soft and comfortable V-neck shirts and perfectly fitting suits that hug my shapely form? What's wrong with Levi jeans and ill-fitting clothing? Why do gays have to make other kinds of clothes that look and feel great? Why do men give me things for free when I go out to dinner with my family? Why are their gay eyes watching me? Why do they say , " Hi, how are you?" Their intentions are obvious.


  • Mum

    All gay people are not the same. They, too, are individuals. What other people, heterosexual, homosexual, asexual, or whatever, do in their private lives (as long as it is not harmful to anyone) is their business. If you have some primordial need to feel animosity, it would be a good idea to transfer that to pedophiles who actually prey on children. The sex lives and sexual preferences of adults are their own business, not ours.

    There used to be a television show in the U.S. called Northern Esposure. It was set in Alaska, hence the name. But I digress. On a particular episode of that show, they were grappling with the "issue" of homosexuality. One of the characters wisely stated something to the effect that "if you look at it rationally, we (heterosexuals) are the ones riding a motorcycle without a helmet down life's highway at a high rate of speed." The planet is overpopulated, a problem to which gays do not contribute. Many gays adopt children who need a home as well.

    My cousin, now deceased, was gay. I, to my eternal regret, converted him to the JW cult. He was disfellowshipped. When I had to get away from my JW husband, he was the one who gave me a place to come to. I got to know his friends. I had more fun with those gay guys than anyone else ever! One of the most fun times was on Hallowe'en in 1979 when a gay friend took me to a gay bar and we all watched The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Hilarity reigned!

    Blondie is right: you should expand your circle of friends to include all sorts. Once you learn to think of others as fellow human beings without labels, you're off and running.

    Best wishes,


  • LisaRose

    It's understandable that you are having a hard time overcoming something so deeply ingrained. Just because you understand intellectually that there is no reason to hate gay people does not mean those feelings go away overnight. Part of the problem is that many gay people are still closeted, especially in more conservative areas of the country, so you probably already know many gay people, you just don't know that about them. Not every gay person is obvious about their orientation. You may only notice those who are more flamboyant, and that may make you uncomfortable, because you don't understand it, or see it that often. If you got to know those people, I think you would find that are actually not that much different than you.

    I moved to the SF bay area three years ago, it has been interesting because you see many more openly gay people, it's not uncommon to see gay couples holding hands or kissing in public. I fully support gay marriage, but still, at first it was a little uncomfortable, you just don't see that as much in other parts of the country. But after a while that went away, now I don't even notice it. We have a neighborhood pub that we go to a lot, it's owned by a lesbian couple and it's been wonderful to get to know them, they are so nice, it has helped me get over any residual negativity about gay people.

    Even here, gay people still face prejudice and hatred, a young person was set in fire by a young man, because he was wearing a skirt and had fallen asleep on the bus. Gay rights have come along way, but there is still a long way to go. Many people only get over their prejudices when they are confronted by the fact that a relative is gay.

    Maybe you could volunteer for a gay rights organization to help you see things from another point of view?

  • scotoma

    If you want to see what theater would be like without gays just watch a Watchtower Convention Drama.

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