Sickening Dilemma

ItsMyLife

Hello all

I would like to have your opinions on what I should do about a situation please.

I have recently discovered that a 'brother' in the congregation (which I no longer attend) is a child molester. I've seen documentation from his psychiatrist dated a few years ago, stating that he doesn't feel that this person is likely to offend again. The 'brother' has said to the elders at some point that he has it under control but cannot be 100% sure it won't happen again. I don't know if he went to them to confess, or if someone found out and went to the elders about it. I have no idea if the police know, but my guess would be no as there has never been any mention of him being arrested, and our family has been very close to his for many years (shudder). The people who do know, according to the paperwork I've seen, are the elders, his sister and her husband, and his mother. I'm assuming his step-father also knows.

He has been warned by the elders to not be alone with children - mainly girls, as he has no interest in boys, just girls aged 7-10.

I have just found out today that this man has gotten engaged to a sister in the hall with 3 children. The youngest of these children is a 2 or 3 year old girl (I can't remember exactly, there are several baby girls in the cong). I know the elders advised him that he should tell the sister the details about his 'problem' (she knows there have been problems in the past and that he was removed as an MS, but doesn't know why or what those problems were).

I don't know if he has told her about his prediliction for little girls. I can't imagine any parent of young children agreeing to marry someone who has admitted to being sexually aroused by his niece when she was 2.5 years old. But she could be very forgiving and believe he's got it under control.

How do I find out if she knows? Should I let her know, somehow? If so, how? I felt sick when I heard about the engagement. What if they do get married and he gives in to the desire to - no, I can't even finish that sentence, it makes me feel so ill. I am the ONLY person outside of his family and the elders who knows about this. I don't know what to do. Does anyone else know?

Thanks for listening x

james_woods

I would say that he is virtually certain to do this offense again.

It may not have to be you, but SOMEBODY really needs to tell the mother of this child before she marries him.

BTW - what kind of whacked-out shrink would say that this kind of person is cured and will not molest again? That goes against everything we have ever read on the nature of these offenders.

sir82

Call the police.

You can report it anonymously if you want to.

You are not qualified to investigate this - let the authorities who have experience with this sort of thing work it out.

The probability is extremely high that he will do it again.

He needs to face justice for the criminal activities he committed in the past, and those kids need protection.

Call the police today - right now.

Splash

Maybe an anonymous letter through her door.

That way the you have been responsible and the ball is in her court - on her head be the consequences.

Splash

Ding

How did you come across the psychiatrist's report?

Do you have some sort of relationship with his/her office that requires you to observe doctor-patient confidentiality?

I'm not trying to "out" you.

Just trying to understand what constraints you may be under.

james_woods

What Sir82 said is the best advice.

cofty

His girlfriend needs to know the facts - it is highly likely that her children are in danger.

Pedophiles don't get cured of sexual attraction to children, the best they can hope for is the self-control to avoid acting on their impulses.

Living in the same house as minors will likely be an impossible temptation for him.

Professionals need to be involved. Perhaps he has a probation worker from his last offense?

How do you propose going about it? Will it cause trouble for you or others if it is known how you got this information?

ETA - Surely his psychiatrist would have reported the previous offense?

ItsMyLife

Thank you for your replies. I have been thinking of reporting him anonymously. I don't know where she lives and I don't know her well at all, really only to say hello to.

I was also shocked at the psychiatrist's report - I know molesters and abusers are more likely than not to do it again. We're told not to be alone EVER with a member of the opposite sex that we're not married to, whatever the marital status of either person is (i.e even if older mother in law and younger son in law), just in case we're overcome with desire. But child molesters can apparently be trusted to control themselves?! WHAT THE HELL?!!

I have no requirement to observe doctor-patient confidentiality as I saw paperwork that an elder held. I knocked a file over accidentally, and when I picked it up I saw his name, and the words child molester. I couldn't help myself then, I had to read through everything, as I grew up with him. I know it's awful of me to read through confidential stuff like that. All I can say in my defense is that if it had said ANYTHING other than child molester, I would have put it straight back. But I have a child and I trusted him so I had to read it.

His mother and his sister and her family are truly lovely, lovely people and it would tear their lives apart if he were investigated and charged by the police.

But it would do irreparable harm to any other children he may molest.

I will have to look at how to report him anonymously, the police will know how to investigate him. Although don't they need the names of the victim/s? I'll look into it now.

I can't believe that a particular one of the elders who knows about this hasn't done anything about it, as far as I'm aware. I would have thought he'd do something, I really would.

RubaDub

What Sir82 said is the best advice.

I also agree ...

I don't know, nor need to know, how you have obtained this information. But it could make the situation more tenuous if you are known by him to be in a situation where you would have access to the records (employee, consultant, auditor, etc.).

I hope that you can report this anonymously and then quietly step away.

Rub a Dub

Found Sheep

second vote for sir82

Sickening Dilemma

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