Not sure what to do next

by magotan 94 Replies latest jw friends

  • ABibleStudent

    magotan - I want to leave, but I don't know how. I have a decent job, but because moving out is strongly discouraged, I fear I will have to DA - and lose everyone I know will never talk to me again.

    Welcome magotan, Being gay is a lot better than living life as a JW or living a lie. What type of research have you been doing about the WTBTS? What books have you be reading? Have you read non-WTBTS approved books or articles? What type of job are working at?

    You are nineteen so make a plan to help yourself fade and start living the rest of your life. I would recommend that you read Steve Hassan's books (i.e., "Combatting Cult Mind Control", "Releasing the Bonds: Empowering People to Think for Themselves", and (his latest book) "Freedom of Mind: Helping Loved Ones Leave Controling People, Cults and Beliefs"), visit Steve Hassan's website, get a better education that will qualify you for a job that you love, make new non-JW friends, post about your feelings often on JWN, and ask for advice on JWN about fading. If you own a Kindle, you can purchase "Freedom of Mind" on as an e-book, so that family will not know that you are reading his books.

    Best of Wishes for you and hopefully for you maintaining your family relationships and friendships.

    Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,


  • happy@last
    [email protected]

    Welcome here, you'll find much support here. I'm glad you are getting help from outside the 'organization', be honest and truthful to them and yourself. It's a pity you were baptised despite having doubts at such an early age. And with people watching you so closely your nerves must be on edge all the time. Take your time, set goals about where you want to be, and live your life, not someone else's.

  • flipper

    Welcome, Magotan. It would be a really good move to go to the support groups. You will get to know a lot of good people who are gay. Seeing that they are just people like everyone (except for things that are nobody's damned business anyway) could help overcome all the vitriolic criticism that's been thrown your way by the crazy JWs. They, like a lot of religious fanatics are beyond ignorant about homosexuality.

    Eventually you will have friends gay and straight who don't think twice about your sexuality, they will just enjoy your friendship and appreciate the person you are.

    Being isolated inside the jw religion is about the worst thing I can imagine. I speak as an outsider - never a jw but married to flipper. I have been blown away by the cruel and punishing treatment a good number of jw's dish out to one another. Seeing this I thought, were they were raised by wolves?

    Sorry you have hard choices to make about your family. If you ever get really down and need to talk to someone pm us. We are kind of old and all, but we are here. Wish you the best. Mrs. Flipper

  • BorgHater
  • cantleave

    Hi Magaotan,

    Welcome to the forum.

    Your story is not unique, here is a poster who came here feeling very much as you do, read his old posts.

    I wish you the best on on your voyage to freedom.

  • irondork

    Magotan: I don't want to hurt anyone.

    I'm afraid there's no way around this one. The WTS has set up it's mind control in such a way that if you sneeze sideways, everyone around you will be crushed by your apparent lack of love for God. Waking up and exiting this horrible cult ain't for sissies.

    Magotan: Moving out doesn't seem possible either, although I can afford it, I would never get my parents blessing.

    You're 19. What sort of blessings do you require?

    Magotan: I've also gotten the gist that my dad would have to step down as an Elder.

    Your father would only have to step down if you faded and remained in his household. Moving out of your fathers house would spare him the indignity of having to relinquish his elevated position.

    You have a tough road in front of you, Magotan. There's nothing easy about it. But it's worth the trip to be free from the Watchtower cult. I don't presume to know where your head is on the subject, but leaving the WTS is not synonymous with leaving God - no matter how hard they try to make it seem so.

    Once you start realizing all the misinformation fomented by religion about homosexuality, you'll become more comfortable inside your own skin. If maintaining your Christian identity is important to you, visit this group:

    Also, some suggested reading:

    TORN: Rescuing the Gospel from the Gays-vs.-Christians Debate, by Justin Lee

    Homosexianity: Letting Truth Win the Devestating War Between Faith and Sexual Orientation

    ... available at

    I remember the comments comming from the platform of the Kingdom Hall and the pages of the literature so well. The jokes and slants made by fellow "loving" Christians in the congregation, and how it made me wish I could just be dead.

    Stick around here for awhile and tap the resourses of this forum. You'll come out of this a stronger person... we guarantee it!

    Watch out for the monkey!


  • maisha

    You have several choices.

    apply for acceptance at Bethel. with your background you will probably get in.

    second, leave home be free. after leaving tell them you are gay. then they will NEVER bther you again. make sure youhave a network of friends before doing this however.

    thridly, do nothing stay put, visit a doctor and request / take hormones and then adjust your thinking inline with wtbs thinking.

    i reccomend second choice...

  • Pickler

    Welcome magotan!

    Im sorry you're going through this.

    I feel your stress levels must be crazy high at the moment. Please find support & ways to feel good about yourself & relax.

    Exercise, nature, pets, yoga, meditation, music, swimming, anything that works for you.

    It will get better

  • jgnat

    I like you. I am adopting you as my virtual son as long as you need me. (((((magotan)))))

    I echo the other advice that it is time to leave home. How long were you planning to stay? Until you are eighty?

    As for coming to terms with your orientation, I see other posters have already started you on the path and given great advice.

  • tiki

    magotan - i just read your post and feel so sad for you. first, please do not buy into the low self-esteem that they dole out to you. you are a valuable person and you must be true to yourself. given your situation, i would think you seriously need to make a definitive move toward being your whole self. they will never accept you - not unless they come to a major shift of stance regarding sexuality.

    one thing that had a profound effect on me in my fade was a realization that i was being a hypocrite by staying even on the fringes. my heart and soul was not with the brain was long lost to the rhetoric. i had to be honest and getting away from it all was the biggest relief. you need to allow yourself that freedom.

    i truly wish you courage and determination!

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