Another sad non jw falling for a baptised jw girl story

by spirituk 53 Replies latest social relationships

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  OnTheWayOut

  You are at the beginning of what may be years of pain, as she leaves you to return to the JW's again and again. Or it may be just a very short time and she throws you out of her life because the elders and/or her family tell her to do so.

  Of course there would be consequences. She is liable to lose her entire family and lifelong friends over trying to break away and/or be with you.

  Of course it doesn't make sense. She's in a dangerous mind-control cult.

  You want to be the hero and you will hear nothing of "Run away." But she will run away from you. Until she truly works it out that her problem is the Jehovah's Witnesses, it won't work out.

  People like you come on here and paint the impossible situation, insisting to themselves that love will conquer all. If you love her, just tell her straight out that she has to work this out for herself and you bid her goodbye. You may see her later, but not until she firmly figures out what she wants to do. EVEN THEN, IF SHE LEAVES THE WITNESSES WITH YOU, SHE WILL MISS HER FAMILY AND GO BACK AND FORTH LEAVING YOU. It's hard to hear. She actually needs to know why it's a dangerous mind-control cult. She doesn't know that, she doesn't want to know that, she is programmed to disbelieve it when she hears it.

  Many here know, we have to really work this out for ourselves. It takes years to lead the horse to water and give them sips of actual truth until they trust us enough to drink the water of actual truth freely.
• 

  Aussie Oz

  Any relationship breakdown is going to hurt like hell. Not knowing your age, i suspect you are possibly in teens and if so, you need to learn how to handle these things because more likely than not it will happen again with someone else for different reasons.

  Yeah it hurts that this one is so messed up. THAT is the warning sign. All relationships have warning signs that they are about to end or should have ended, we just don't seem to pay attention to them.

  I think you are going to continue to obsess about this girl, i for one do get it. I was with a woman for the better part of one year, she was crazy but i loved her. I ended it to save my sanity and yet i still pined for her another two years on and off.

  You have a choice, to get over it and move on, or chase her. One will heal you, the other destroy you. Your choice, you are not without hope and not helpless either.

  You already know the answer, hence the title of your thread ''another sad non jw''....

  You need to forget this girl, move on. There cannot be a compromise. You cannot join her religion for her and she cannot leave it for you. Wrong timing, not meant to be, whatever works, but RUN like it or not dude. She is messed up and messing you up as well.

  oz
• 

  spirituk

  Thank you for your responses .. when she was in my country for vacation , she seemed like a normal girl and i could say more crazy than a wordly girl.she would flirt with me with sexual implicits etc .. but she would also go to her KH in my country .. isnt that hipocrisy? in our final talks she mentioned that she couldnt stand the guilt of me wanting to have sex and of her that she couldnt have ,inspite the fact that i never mentioned such a thing but she supposed to . she told me that she would make god sad if she have done that .. but it wouldnt make any f**ing sense .. when she kissed me she would regret it afterwards and blame it on drinking wine or other drinkgs , she always told me that she didnt use to do such things and all things were her first time .. i felt like she was trying to ease her concious for that..i dont know..one time she is wordly other time she is psycho.. i want to save her, her family doesnt worth her , they mistreat her , they pressure her and they have her like their servant in house
• 

  mariu

  Let's summarise the obvious - or perhaps not so obvious for you:

  1. This has no chance to work, ever, as long as she's in the JWs. In your case even more, since she seems to live far away.
  2. If - and that's a damn huge if - she ever gets out of the JWs, she has to do it for herself. Not for you. Otherwise she'll be drawn back in no time.
  3. And even if she gets out, there's no guarantee she'll still be interested in you, I'm obliged to remind you.

  In other words, your chances are slim, to put it mildly. However, the same can be said of lotteries, and sometimes people do win a hundred millions in those, right? That's probably what you're clinging to.

  The most honourable, and in the long run least painful, way of dealing with this situation is to finish it. And paradoxical as it may seem, it's the only option that preserves that terribly small chance of winning the lottery sometime in the future.

  Be open, tell her what you feel, tell her you know about her conflict. You can even drop a few hints to helpful websites like jwfacts.com, but don't push it too much or she'll panic. Tell her you'll be there if she ever needs help. But also make clear that you do understand that the way things are now, it can't go on. Farewell. End of story. No further communication, no Facebook stalking, nothing.

  And then get over it. Dealing with crap like this is part of growing up since mankind exists, and you need to learn it, as painful as it may be. Tell your friends about it and ask them to help you - it's much harder to handle this alone. Get some fresh air and distraction even if you don't feel like it.

  Remember that most of the people writing here have first-hand experience with similar situations, and their advice comes from painful experience.
• 

  dreamgolfer
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  spirituk

  when i was going to visit her she will text me and tell me that she was a mess and tha she was throwing up in the toilet while she was at work .. some messed up s**t . anyways now she has cut any contact with me and blocked me on fb , not answering phone calls and she said that its for my good sake..soo, why wouldnt i fax all the covnersation from fb and texts on mobile to her kingdom hall and let her face the consequenses? thats what i think is for her good sake ,would she like it ?would she deserve it? after being so cold with me? it sounds like revenge and maybe it is
• 

  Apognophos

  This girl is a victim of her upbringing. She didn't choose to be raised in that family. Some day she may cut the ties on her own when she's old enough and mentally ready, but right now you're both kids in adult bodies who are still trying to understand life. If you can't see the fact that she's conflicted between her emotions and her beliefs, and just want revenge because of your own temporarily hurt feelings, then you seriously lack empathy.
• 

  jgnat

  I still mark you as a stalker. It is not love to spill all those private expressions of love and confusion to the people who could really hurt her.
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  spirituk

  how could they hurt her MORE, what else could they do to her . they already destroyed her life twice , made her engage a person that she didnt love , supress her all the time and forcing her living a lie . SO , if i send them all those conversations and photos , what would the consequences be for her ? if they kick her out they will make her a favour .. despite me ,she will have a regular life , she lives in a ghetto why wouldnt i help her by doing that?
• 

  erbie

  I've heard it said many times by JW women that they prefer non-JW men because they are more 'manly'.

  I can understand that.

  Unquestioningly following what another man tells you and allowing your wife and kids to do the same is not a very manly or masculine way of going on is it. I've even heard sisters exclaim that there are no 'real men' in the congregation.

  I am certain that this is why so many JW women/girls look 'outside'.