Another sad non jw falling for a baptised jw girl story

by spirituk 53 Replies latest social relationships

  • Godsendconspirator

    You poor guy. You really think you love her. Even worse if you do, I was in your position and I was also the one in her position who fucked over a really nice girl. I'm just going to post what I posted in another thread. At least you're not considering converting for her (hopfully).

    -As a teenager I was very shy. I had friends but meeting new people was tough. I met a JW girl. We would talk constantly from morning till late at night. I was shocked that I was able to have an interesting conversation with someone for 13 hours everyday! We instantly became best friends. One of my other friends was also very close to her. One day he kept asking her if I liked her. I kept denying it. He said that she admitted that she had feelings for me.

    So I asked her out that night.

    She broke down crying. She said she liked me too but she couldn't. She explained her stance as a JW and how they don't date outside of their religion. For months we had this weird relationship where we would try to be as close as possible (walking her to class, calling her at night, saying 'I love you') but without any physical contact. She brought me to a meeting and their memorial (kinda like easter) and I started taking interest. I started attending meetings twice a week and a bible study and I started to really believe in them.

    Well something happened in her family so I let her have her space. I didn't want her keeping our "relationship" in mind because I knew she had a bit of guilt of it and I figured thats not what she needed at the time. After a month she said she doesn't feel the same way about me and she was sorry. I lied and told her I felt the same and that was the reason why I wasn't around as much. I lied to make her feel better. And we remained friends.

    I continued to study. Fast forward a bit, went through depression, I was betrayed by some of the JWs, I forgave and kept on, almost killed myself. And one day while sulking thinking why I wasn't happy when I "should be", why all my friends who are in college seem to be doing great if college is so bad (at least by JW standards), I was on the internet and found some information. I forgot what it was but I remember being confused and deciding that if this was the "truth" I shouldn't have any problems doing research. I have always said that I believed that JW's had the truth. If mormons had it I would study with them so I decided I needed to be fair to myself in this and do as much research as possible.

    It wasn't the truth and I realized they were the cause of my depression and I needed to get the hell out.

    If you want to be with this girl (similar to my case, she was my first love), I suggest you give up. She's not going to go out with you unless you are baptized (which takes years [I did it in 2]), have a full time job, and of course thats if she agrees as well (JW's are encouraged to be single so they can do more for Jehovah).

    I loved this girl for years and I had to give her up. It may be tough for you right now but it's a lot better than wasting years of your life and then deciding to quit and having HER shun you (because of THEIR policy) and everybody else.

    At least right now you can still talk to her. That's probably as far as you're gonna go but still better than anything else you're hoping for.

    BTW, JWs need a chaperone whenever they go on a date and no touching (including hugs and kisses)

  • ABibleStudent

    Welcome spirituk to JWN. Let your feelings for her go and live your life to the fullest. Time will heal your pain. Distance, BITE Control, and different cultures are too much to overcome, unless both people want to be together. Obviously, your friend's cult persona doesn't want to be with you and maybe her authentic persona too.

    Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,


  • steve2

    One of the best recipes for being fulfilled is this: Get a life before you get a wife; don't get a wife in order to get a life.

  • MrFreeze

    You will look back on this later in life and realize this person probably wasn't really worth the trouble. That's what I've experienced. Before you can look back on that you have to let the person go in your mind and in your heart.

    Maybe that's just my experience because I seem to get caught up with the wrong women and it turns out badly. I've been on the opposite side of your story (I was a JW with a non-JW girl) and the conflict was just too much.

  • spirituk

    :'( i like her so much , inspite her insecurities i like her so much and i love her .. she told me that i became obsessed with her but how cant i be when two person like each other so much and the other tells him they cant be together without explanation .. she tells me she cares but she DONT want us to be together and she wants me with a different way in her life , a thing that i think its wrong .. i just want her to explain me about the pressure she feels from the inside and the guilts that are like cancer to her as she told me .she never explained me, she just ran off.. why did she tell me the last day after we were having so good time those days and after our first kiss that i wasnt the man of her life and the man she thought i was from facebook since she already knew me before we chat in facebook .. she never explained it to me even if i begged her to.. by the way ,when she told me all those things that day , i started crying.. and she hugged me very hard that i was chocking and as we were sitting on bed she pulled me and i laid on her and she grabbed me with her legs at my waste .. it didnt make sense after she told me those things to act like that . i took it in a way '' thats what i had to tell you to eliminate my guilts ,but with these actions(hugs,laying on bed with you now) is really how i feel about you ''

  • OnTheWayOut

    I am with her brother. I wouldn't go to another country for Pamela Anderson either. But Beyonce or Scarlett Johanson would be different. Boing!

    But seriously, thanks for sharing. "Another sad.....story" might have another sad ending.

    She's pushed you away because she doesn't know what to do. She has to free herself from JW's before she's able to be in a relationship. If she acts as if she's free, she will go back to them. If she gets kicked out, she still has a bunch of turmoil to go through with her family and friends.

    Since you don't want good advice, here's the slim but possible outcome: She has a good chance of breaking away. She went to college and took a trip to see someone who is not JW, her friend from college.

    Ask her if she has read a book by Ray Franz about the Jehovah's Witnesses, CRISIS OF CONSCIENCE. Read it yourself. It's from a former Governing Body member (the leaders) of the JW's. It'll help her.

  • spirituk

    what guilts and what pressure did she felt? why would she lie to me that she dont want me anymore , why would she change her mind over one night?

  • Gojira_101

    The feelings she is talking about comes from the cult mind-control. All JW's believe that is we go against the "rules" not dating a nonjw that God will kill us. I know it's hard to understand but it all comes down to fear. I have only recently broke free of the JW's and this so far has been the hardest thing I've had to do in my life.

    I truly am sorry for you and the pain you are going through, but this girl is deep in the cult and it's very hard to break away because if you lose your whole life in that you lose your family...they think of you as dead, and you lose ALL of your friends. The JW's control by using fear. Fear of God and fear of losing your friends and family...

    Ask anyone on here, it's happened to all of us that we lost someone when we left. My Aunt, cousin and my grandmother all refuse to talk to me and they think I'm scum and God is going to kill me because I left. If she leaves the JW's, that is probably what she is fearing. Fear of God and of losing her family.

    It's hard I really do feel for you, but read the book the other person told you Crisis of Conscience...Also if you want to understand the mentality behind cults and mind control, Read some of Steven Hassan's books.

    I know it doesn't make sense to you, but you are not fighting her, you are having to fight the cult mentality she has been indocternated with probably her whole life. The the JW's have a strong control over all of the members, and it's very hard to break free of it. I've been out 3 months and I'm still having to fight the pull back to the cult.

    I'm not sure if this helped, but the best thing you can do is try to understand the fear and control. I was the good little JW girl, and I knew this man who wasn't a JW and he was very kind to me and I liked him a lot, but the JW in me at the time won out and I never gave him the time of day. My husband has told me about the problems he had when he was in highschool dating a nonjw and when his parents found out, they forced him to break up with the girl and he is still bothered by how me treated her. He didn't give her a reason as to why he broke up with her either. And he left her heart broken.

    Peace be with you!

  • ABibleStudent

    spirituk - what guilts and what pressure did she felt? why would she lie to me that she dont want me anymore , why would she change her mind over one night?

    Hi spirituk, As I previously wrote, let her go, but if you want to feel even more pain then I would recommend that you read one of Steve Hassan's books (i.e., "Combatting Cult Mind Control", "Releasing the Bonds: Empowering People to Think for Themselves", or his latest "Freedom of Mind: Helping Loved Ones Leave Controlling People, Cults and Beliefs") and visit his website. I would recommend that you buy his latest book first so that you can learn about BITE control techniques and communicating better with a person's authentic and cult personas.

    Try to purchase his book in your native language, so that it will be easier for you to understand - your English is good, but the concepts may be difficult to understand. I know that sells both a paperback and e-book of "Freedom of Mind".

    Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,


  • spirituk

    I tried my best to ease her guilts and fears and thoughts but it comes to be that this cult was much stronger than reason that i started researching this cult was to understand what was this power that was so strong enough to break this connection between my precious girl and me that we care so much for each other, we cried together , we laughed together , she would put me on her chest to listen her heart after she told me to break up , and she would ask me what her heart was telling me :( i hate her ,shes been through it before but she had done it again now with me .. its a prison to still feel for her , to know that she wants me but she cant be with me .. its madness...its sick but she wont understand it ..i am hopeless..people tell me that if she trully liked me she could be with me and that non jws can marry jws without consequences, didn t i worth the sacrifice ? all i gave her was love..

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