Need advice. My inactive jw husband has been lured back.

by ingimar 93 Replies latest social relationships

  • Sulla

    In the interest of offering a variety of opinions...

    You are attempting to fight something with nothing. That puts you at a big disadvantage. The solution is to go, (how to put it?) apeshit. You have to credibly threaten him with his marriage, relationships; you have to argue and fight after every meeting, you have to be a bitch to his JW friends.

    Otherwise, you will lose him to the JWs.

  • jgnat

    Sulla, I saw that work...once. A shut-in studied with the Witnesses for over a year. Her husband went ballistic and threatened to disown her if she got baptized. Her study partners briefly conspired to have her baptized without her husband's knowledge, but chickened out at the last moment. (I don't think they were prepared to take her in).

    I think the poor woman remained a "true believer" but never took it further.

    You can throw down an ultimatum but of course it might backfire.

  • wasblind

    Use your P's

    You have the priviledge, and the power, because you control the............................

    Do what you have to do to save your marriage from this cult

    Lets this man know you ain't playin'


  • FatFreek 2005
    FatFreek 2005

    I love it when suits and dresses with fake smiles call. I always get a chance to divulge the fact that I studied with them many years ago. Not a lie -- I simply don't expose the fact that I then became a MS, an elder, developed a bothered conscience that resulted in disfellowshipping.

    Their inevitable question -- "Why did you stop studying?" -- is the perfect lead to my introduction to The Great Watchtower Contradiction, an 11 minute read designed for new ones but which poses questions on topics that the most seasoned JW -- your husband included -- would cringe at.

    Contradiction contains a table handout that you can snip for purse or billfold. I always keep my billfold handy.


  • 00DAD

    I'm seconding, thirding or whatever the suggestion to read Hassan's Releasing the Bonds. Do it now!

  • wasblind

    I'm seconding, thirding or whatever the suggestion to read Hassan's Releasing the Bonds. Do it now!_________ 00DAD

    That along wit' a few strategically places P's, and eveyone will be released

  • moshe
    Lets this man know you ain't playin'

    wasblind is right, there is no nice way to divert the JWs away- you have to get tough, like she does in her own kitchen--

  • wasblind


  • BluesBrother

    There are a variety of ideas here, all might work on the right person ,but my view is to recognize that:

    1] The first thing any prospective J W is taught is that they must expect family opposition , "well meaning but that is how Satan works". By outright opposing, one is just feeding that belief. They are taught to be resolute and maybe win you over to the faith.....It does happen

    2] It is almost impossible to defeat the teaching without firsthand inside knowledge. Their arguments are slippery and plausible. They sound good. J W's are taught how to handle common objections.

    If you can stomach it, and will not be drawn in ! Could you offer to study together as a couple? Listen and learn what he is learning....then go on line at the sites, or on here and learn how to debunk the teaching by solid reasoning and exposing the inconsistencies and even lies in the books.

    Ask about the U N scandal. Ask why the books miss quote their sources . It is important to undo the trust in the WTS. This is a big ask, but you love him, right?

    An emotional plea based on ones own "bullshit monitor" will never succed without the facts.

    Good luck

  • Apognophos

    I just want to second the advice of LouBelle, erbie, and jgnat (except the intervention part). To be honest, "Would you choose me or the religion?" is the worst question you could have asked, and it might have damaged the relationship, but you can repair that damage. The fact is that most men, when faced an emotional confrontation, are likely to become colder in response -- the increase in emotions that they're presented with results in a decrease in their own emotions. They shut out anything you say at that point because it's just "emotional talk". I think we've seen that your man has that same reaction.

    As erbie said, it could be that he is still feeling somewhat empty (no romantic relationship is supposed to be totally fulfilling of a person's needs, at least not a healthy relationship) and he doesn't have anything better to replace the Witnesses. The sad fact is that there is probably no quick solution you can apply here. You can't suddenly get him into a social group or new hobby, you can't suddenly start asking him to go out on dinner dates on meeting nights, and an intervention is likely to trigger his persecution complex and make things worse. You may need to let things run their course.

    The truth is (and this might get me yelled at), the Witnesses are not an evil organization. They may be called a cult, but they're more of a high control group, like the Mormons. They encourage lots of wholesome values, and many JWs are friendly and sincere. Nobody in the org. is going to suggest that he leave you unless you are an "opposer"; many JWs have "unbelieving mates". Your reaction to his rediscovered sense of religion came partly from a sense of threatened territoriality ("No, he's mine!"), and that's obvious to him. Yes, you are also concerned about him, but he fails to see the reason for your concern, so he discounts your whole reaction as being 100% about possessiveness.

    I suggest just showing respect for him, misguided though he is, and slowly reason with him over time. It's probably impossible to halt his increasing involvement in the org., but there may very well be a downward curve on the other side, which is when you need to be ready to tactfully help him break free of their thought control. Remember, you don't own him, and as he's reminded more and more of the JW "subjection/headship" principle, he will be likely be resentful of your attempts to seemingly control him. He's still going to come home to you at the end of every day; nobody's going to toss a bag over his head, throw him into a van, and take him to a re-education center. You have time to work with him.

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