Need advice. My inactive jw husband has been lured back.

by ingimar 93 Replies latest social relationships

  • ingimar
    ingimar

    Thanks so much for all of the input. I tried ordering the book as an ebook as I don't want him to see it in the house. It appears that it is not available as an ebook in Canada. I will check into that more tonight. I have tried laying down ultimatums and blowing up everytime he comes home from the hall but have learned that is what he expects me to do. He is told that all of us non believers will oppose his finding the truth. I am sure that he has also been told to not to listen to my questions or concerns as Satan has consumed me and is trying to lure him back into the evil world....which just happens to be his home. I still think that I need him to think that I am accepting of all of this but that I need his help in understanding it. I will study and be armed with facts, ask one question at a time and not let him get off topic. He always gets his bible and quotes things from it. He never refers to the Watchtower literature during our discussions as I have questioned him on why he needs someone else to tell him what the bible says. When he came back from the hall last week, I wanted to look at the current Watchtower and he grabbed it from me and put it away. I think that I need to try to use his bible against him. I have asked him why the name Jehovah never appears once in the new testament in the original greek transcripts. He insists that it does and I insist that it does not. How can I back this up further? Another area of contention is the origination of the name Jehovah and the "hallowed be thy name" in the lords prayer. My research has lead me to see that the name Jehovah is in fact a created name. Any suggestions on how to back this up.

    Another good thing is that he works in a remote location and stays there while working. Again, none of the people there are JWs nor has he told them that he is one.

    I really must go to work now but will check back later. I really appreciate all of the suggestions and I am more optimistic today but realize that its going to be a struggle.

  • ABibleStudent
    ABibleStudent

    Hi Ingimar, Since your husband works at a remote location, erbie has a very good point. Is your husband working at something he loves or something that supports your lifestyle? Asking your husband simple questions about what he wants out of life and what makes him happy should not raise his WTBTS shields but will provide you invaluable insight about why your husband is being drawn back to the WTBTS. Giving ultimatiums and bitching at your husband in my opinion will not help. Helping him to meet new friends and do things that he loves may help him to realize that going to meetings and D2D is not as much fun.

    Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,

    Robert

  • Jim_TX
    Jim_TX

    Ingimar, welcome to the forum.

    I am going to be nosey...

    This is a second marriage for us both.

    Okay, so he was married before...

    ...none of his family are jws, including his three adult kids who never went back to the hall when his first marriage broke up.

    Okay. Was his first wife a JW? Why did his first marriage... well, end in divorce?

    I am asking because, it may shed some light on his past that may (or may not) help you with what is going on right now.

    Just a bit of info - if his first wife is still a JW - he was not really 'free' to remarry, according to JW rules. He may have some issues getting accepted by the other JWs. I.E. he may have to be 'disfellowshipped', and then 'reinstated', prior to his being accepted now - if they learn of his first marriage to a JW wife.

    These are all JW B.S. rules.

    If however, he was the only JW in the family when he got divorced before... never mind. Everything changes.

    Regards,

    Jim TX

  • perfect1
    perfect1

    File for divorce.

  • minimus
    minimus

    I think you need to help him see FACTS. Facts such as, if you have a good sex life, you would not be viewed in a good light if you engaged in oral sex. THAT is a no-no and is "unnatural"....ALL holidays are out the window including birthday celebrations. ABSOLUTELY no political opinions are tolerated. Even the thought of encouraging a person to go to college is considered a sacrilege!

    If you're going to be a JW and accept is as the "Truth", you cannot slave for 2 masters. It's either all or nothing. MAKE SURE he understands that whatever they tell him to believe, he MUST accept it without questioning or else he will be viewed asdisobedient to God Himself!

    Right now, they are fortifying him with the idea that Jesus said that you had to love him more than family or possessions. They are conditioning him to cut you off because this is what CULTS do.

  • wha happened?
    wha happened?

    I would say, prepare to be marginalized.

    I've seen bothers either show up with a "worldly" wife after inactivity in the congregation, or a newly baptized brother, with a non beleiving wife. They will demonize u. And if thie "brother" is over 35, he will have every sister up his ass, making it clear they are avaialble.

    It's completley inappropriatte behavior towards you and your marraige, but we are talking about the most socially retarded people on the planet. They have no shame, or respect for opinions outside the governing body

  • problemaddict
    problemaddict

    So here is the redux of advise that is serious as far as I can tell.

    1) Read the Hassan book.

    2) Learn as much about JW's (good bad and ugly), to understand the mind state.

    3) Ultimatums are useless and reinforce his thinking. You would be considered "persecuting" him.

    4) Unravel trust in the org. Maybe it would even be good to attend a meeting with him, supporting his searching mind. Then things can be introduced by you, since you are not a JW.

    5) Very likely he is going back to chase a feeling he once had, or be part of a community. Friendships and all that. Does he have friends? Have them over. be his friend. You can't light a safety fire around this. Just take it slow.

  • jgnat
    jgnat

    Am a little reassured. It seems you are catching on quickly. Some more tips:

    • Your husband will be most himself and most open to information the longer he is away from the Witnesses. So the best time to have a heart-to-heart is a few days after he returns from work.
    • What the Witnesses did with the New Testament was replace Jehovah in the greek text every time the speaker is quoting from the OT. This can be easily checked against a greek interlinear, where the greek word for "lord" not "YHWH" can be clearly seen. I did a word search on the NWT and there are 221 uses of Jehovah in the NT, listed below.
    • When he pulls out the bible and quotes a proof text, it doesn't hurt to ask him to read the whole chapter in context. The JW's only know a hundred or so proof texts that confirm their doctrine. They don't know the whole bible really well, and often their argument falls flat when they read the whole chapter through.
    • Even if he is hiding what he is reading, you can access his materials available online at http://www.jw.org/en (downloadable to your Kindle). Look for the study magazine. The article to be discussed at this coming Sunday's meeting is regarding King David and how he followed Jehovah's will. There's a dig in there about "unbelieving mates" and how Christians (read Jehovah's Witnesses) are not to be "unequally yoked". The article assumes that the "unbeliever" makes all the advances. You don't have to worry about your husband divorcing you over this; he shouldn't. JW's are big on the sanctity of marriage, but he might start looking at you as substandard goods.
    • Blondie does an extensive review of the article under study every week and her insights might be most helpful for you. I know she has sharp words about David being a "role model".

    Mat_1:20, Mat_1:22, Mat_1:24, Mat_2:13, Mat_2:15, Mat_2:19, Mat_3:3, Mat_4:4, Mat_4:7, Mat_4:10, Mat_5:33, Mat_21:9, Mat_21:42, Mat_22:37, Mat_22:44, Mat_23:39, Mat_27:10, Mat_28:2, Mar_1:3, Mar_5:19, Mar_11:9, Mar_12:11, Mar_12:29, Mar_12:30, Mar_12:36, Mar_13:20, Luk_1:6, Luk_1:9, Luk_1:11, Luk_1:15, Luk_1:16, Luk_1:17, Luk_1:25, Luk_1:28, Luk_1:32, Luk_1:38, Luk_1:45, Luk_1:46, Luk_1:58, Luk_1:66, Luk_1:68, Luk_1:76, Luk_2:9, Luk_2:15, Luk_2:22, Luk_2:23, Luk_2:24, Luk_2:26, Luk_2:39, Luk_3:4, Luk_4:8, Luk_4:12, Luk_4:18, Luk_4:19, Luk_5:17, Luk_10:27, Luk_13:35, Luk_19:38, Luk_20:37, Luk_20:42, Joh_1:23, Joh_6:45, Joh_12:13, Joh_12:38, Act_1:24, Act_2:20, Act_2:21, Act_2:25, Act_2:34, Act_2:39, Act_2:47, Act_3:19, Act_3:22, Act_4:26, Act_4:29, Act_5:9, Act_5:19, Act_7:31, Act_7:33, Act_7:49, Act_7:60, Act_8:22, Act_8:24, Act_8:25, Act_8:26, Act_8:39, Act_9:31, Act_10:33, Act_11:21, Act_12:7, Act_12:11, Act_12:17, Act_12:23, Act_12:24, Act_13:2, Act_13:10, Act_13:11, Act_13:12, Act_13:44, Act_13:47, Act_13:48, Act_13:49, Act_14:3, Act_14:23, Act_15:17, Act_15:35, Act_15:36, Act_15:40, Act_16:14, Act_16:15, Act_16:32, Act_18:21, Act_18:25, Act_19:20, Act_21:14, Rom_4:3, Rom_4:8, Rom_9:28, Rom_9:29, Rom_10:13, Rom_10:16, Rom_11:3, Rom_11:34, Rom_12:11, Rom_12:19, Rom_14:4, Rom_14:6, Rom_14:8, Rom_14:11, Rom_15:11, 1Co_1:31, 1Co_2:16, 1Co_3:20, 1Co_4:4, 1Co_4:19, 1Co_7:17, 1Co_10:9, 1Co_10:21, 1Co_10:22, 1Co_10:26, 1Co_11:32, 1Co_14:21, 1Co_16:7, 1Co_16:10, 2Co_3:16, 2Co_3:17, 2Co_3:18, 2Co_6:17, 2Co_6:18, 2Co_8:21, 2Co_10:17, 2Co_10:18, Gal_3:6, Eph_2:21, Eph_5:17, Eph_5:19, Eph_6:4, Eph_6:7, Eph_6:8, Col_1:10, Col_3:13, Col_3:16, Col_3:22, Col_3:23, Col_3:24, 1Th_1:8, 1Th_4:6, 1Th_4:15, 1Th_5:2, 2Th_2:2, 2Th_2:13, 2Th_3:1, 2Ti_1:18, 2Ti_2:19, 2Ti_4:14, Heb_2:13, Heb_7:21, Heb_8:2, Heb_8:8, Heb_8:9, Heb_8:10, Heb_8:11, Heb_10:16, Heb_10:30, Heb_12:5, Heb_12:6, Heb_13:6, Jas_1:7, Jas_1:12, Jas_2:23, Jas_3:9, Jas_4:10, Jas_4:15, Jas_5:4, Jas_5:10, Jas_5:11, Jas_5:14, Jas_5:15, 1Pe_1:25, 1Pe_3:12, 2Pe_2:9, 2Pe_2:11, 2Pe_3:8, 2Pe_3:9, 2Pe_3:10, 2Pe_3:12, Jud_1:5, Jud_1:9, Jud_1:14, Rev_1:8, Rev_4:8, Rev_4:11, Rev_11:17, Rev_15:3, Rev_15:4, Rev_16:7, Rev_18:8, Rev_19:6, Rev_21:22, Rev_22:5, Rev_22:6

  • goatshapeddemon
    goatshapeddemon

    I agree with everyone who is advising you to take it slow and easy. It worked with (part) of our family - love, love, love and logic, logic, logic. The harder we pushed, the harder they pushed away. The slower we took and the more we showed love sprinkled with facts and "thinking" questions, three years later some of them came around.

    My father went ape every time we pushed him too hard. So we changed tactics - ask questions that are impossible to answer honestly as a JW ... and then back away, drop it altogether. They keep stewing on it later and you're not the bad guy (or gal ) for being pushy.

  • ingimar
    ingimar

    I tried finding the Steven Hassan book "Releasing the Bonds" online but I was only able to order the book "Combatting Cult Mind Control" and I ordered it. I will look elsewhere for the other book. I live in a small town and don't have access to a large bookstore.

    The information that everyone has sent will hopefully help me to get him back. He is away working right now and I can tell that being away from their influence is beneficial to us. However, I know that they know his work schedule and that they will be on him like flies to s??t when he gets home. I am not sure that I can keep him occupied enough during this time but I will try. New Year's has always been special to us so I have been telling him how sad it is that he has to work this year and that I will cook a special dinner for us when he gets home and we will celebrate then. I act like I don't know that he is not supposed to celebrate this holiday and he has not yet suggested that he won't. He seems happy to celebrate when he comes home.

    I realize that they are trying to emotionally separate us and I am going to do everything that I can to prevent this. I don't want to lose him but I also don't want him to look at me and see Satan. I have told him that I am 100% positive that Satan does not influence me. He is not convinced, to say the least. If this marriage ends, I will know that I did everything that I could to save it.

    As per your questions pertaining to his first marriage. He told me that he and his wife were both JW's and were brought into it by her mother. He said that the marriage broke up because he spent too much time working and that she fell out of love with him. Hi son however says that his ex became a JW to try and save the marriage but quit practicing as soon as she realized the marriage could not be saved. The son saw this as a way out of attending the hall and he never went back. He was in school at the time. His ex does not practice and I don't think the ex mother in law does either as I see pictures of them all celebrating Christmas, birthdays etc. Thus, he is the only one that is a JW. There must be some serious disussions amongst the elders as to how to keep his "worldy" family from getting to him and how to convert me. I would love to be a fly on the wall of their meetings.

    My husband has told me that I should maybe attend the Hall with him. I told him that I would attend and that he should invite me to one of their social gatherings sometimes where there won't be any bible or watchtower talk. I, of course, know that there are no such social gatherings. I told him that I would research his religion myself without any help and decide for myself and that if I had any questions, I would ask him and I would expect him to answer them on his own, without consulting anybody. After a couple of weeks, I told him that I had been checking out his religion and I was now further from accepting his "truth" than I ever was.

    Thanks again for all you advice and please post anything else that you think would help me.

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