Need advice. My inactive jw husband has been lured back.

by ingimar 93 Replies latest social relationships

  • LouBelle

    Perhaps you could make sure that you guys are going out on the nights that he needs to go to the hall. Plan movies, dinner, a get together at your house - just to keep him from going to the hall.

    I would also suggest you sit down with him and ask him what is truthfuly going on and that you would like to discuss this religion he is heading into. That with any major thing in life you need to see if it is the best decision.

  • FlyingHighNow

    Hmmm, has he got any vices you can tempt him with?

  • FlyingHighNow

    If you are pretty confident in his love for you, maybe you should shake the sugar tree. Maybe insecurity would help him get perspective.

  • zeb

    Tell him no sex if YOU have become a regular WT wife

  • punkofnice

    Welcome to the forum.

    I understand how the JW mindset works. Your husband is being programmed not to listen to anything critical of the watchtower.

    He WILL be vague in his answers as he is being brainwashed. There ARE NO answers but the WBT$ convinces people using NLP and propaganda methods that they are right.

    When he quotes from his Bible to prove a point, why not ask him how to prove the point without the Bible. Perhaps ask him to prove the book WITHOUT using the book.

    Be very wife left me because I no longer wanted the WBT$ mind control anymore. No other reason. She is now a zealous JW and left me and my 2 boys in favour of the WBT$.

    Just ask him questions (when the need arises, don't push it), to prove his points. You have an excellent tool with JWFacts.

    Questions neither he nor the filthy WBT$ can answer.

    Beware of logical fallacies being used against you.

    This might be tough babes!

  • erbie

    In my experience, the only thing that would motivate him to go back to the JW's is a feeling of hopelessness and/or a lack of meaning or purpose in his life.

    I think you need to try and discover (tactfully) what it is that he wants from life.

    The Watchtower has nothing to offer him but false promises of a wonderful life in a perfect new world. This is the perfect escape from the real and actual world that we live in but it is nothing more than a blind alley with no end that will, ultimately, make him feel betrayed and deceived.

    For a long time after I left I had occaisional 'urges' to return to the hall but after quite some years (eight or so) I came to realise that this was because I had not filled the 'void' that the JW's had left with something purposeful.

    My guess is that your dear husband is in a similar situation and that he has a void in his life that has not been filled. Most people join a cult because they need a purpose and if you leave, that need for meaning and purpose does not magically disappear. And importantly, that sense of meaning is rarely to be found in human relationships alone so do not be offended if he needs something else in his life.

    Granted, the JW's do offer a very attractive package but when one delves beneath the surface just a little it is exposed for what it is. This is something only he can do and as I say, in my experience, if one pressures a partner into being critical of the JW's it only serves to reinforce their claim that family members (such as you) will pursecute them aided by Satan. I know its mad and underhanded but that is how they work and in order to combat their tactics you need to play it carefully.

    I do hope this is at least of some little help. I'm afraid I can only speak of my own experience and I do appreciate that every case is unique. Nevertheless, I do believe that the principles remain the same so I wish you well in your efforts and the very best for the future.

    It would not surprise me if he has been feeling quite 'low' lately and that this is just a reaction to it but please do keep us informed.

    Love & peace.

  • Chaserious

    Welcome, and best of luck with this. As someone who is not a JW, there is no reason you can't do your own research and present it to him, even if it would be considered "apostate" by JWs. If he tries to use the buzzword, try to explain to him that you are trying to learn both sides of the JW doctrine with an open mind, and whatever label he wants to put on certain reasoning, the most important part is what is correct. I think the books that were mentioned were a good start, but I think specifically what logic you use depends on what kind of person he is and what attracts him to JWs. Some JWs are really into the prophesy and doctrine (and I think a large percentage of those are the ones who end up here, lol). If he is into the detail of bible chronology, prophesy, etc, I think the best ammunition is the sheer frequency with which they change their interpretations of these. It's enough to make your head spin. There is plenty about that here and on the other Truth about JW sites & blogs.

    But for a large portion of other JWs, it's enough for them to wave their hands and assume all of the "deeper" doctrine is true, because they enjoy the social aspect of it, or they are under the impression that the JWs are "cleaner", "happier" or whatever, or the glitzy prospect of living forever on earth is too good to pass up (even if it does sound a little too good to be true). It can be a little harder, because this group tends to not care about or even understand the doctrine, so proving its foolishness is not going to help. I think if this is the case, it's a combination between discovering the underlying reason he feels some kind of need, and exposing the cracks in the armor. Things like the families they break up through shunning, the intellecutual growth they stunt by discouraging education, the lives lost due to the blood policy and former policies that have now been tossed away, like vaccines and organ transplants. Not to mention the change in the blood policy where they now take all kinds of things that are part of blood, like hemoglobin, which is almost the entire red blood cell. They love to use the illustration that if you were told to abstain from alcohol, would you inject it in your veins? What about if you had a peanut allergy, would you eat peanut butter, peanut brittle, and things made with peanut oil? Would he want you to be left a widow if he got sick and needed a transfusion because of following this organization's strict, but ever changing blood policy? If they change their policy in 5 years like they have done lots of times before, will he have died for God or died for his Watchtower leaders?

  • moshe

    Go to the next KH meeting with hubby- when they start crowding around you and start asking questions, mention you guys have been together for 7 years and , uhh, well we lived together for 3 years before we got married- be sure as many as possible hear this story-- and don't forget to tell what nice Christmas you have been having- look here is a ring hubby gave me for Xmas-- uh, how was your Xmas this year? The adult men, elders will be forced to do something, as it is now public knowledge that hubby has been on the wrong side of the JW fence-. If hubby gets upset, just mention that " the truth will set you free",-- that should do it.

    good luck- and don't delay on this.

  • tornapart

    Could you get your hubby to read Crisis of Conscience by Raymond Franz? Ask him to read it and if he does, promise him you'll accept his decision to continue with the JWs if that's what he wants. Most JWs that read this book are shaken to the core.

  • jgnat

    You have to get yourself educated, and fast. He is already sucked in to the JW mindset.

    • Don't challenge any hypocrisy you see, and don't freak out in front of him any more. This drives him further in.
    • Read one of Steve Hassan's books cover to cover.
    • Could you work out a truce that you want to be involved and understand this religion? Can you get him to agree to no more private book studies but that you must join in as well? You can ask interested observer questions as long as you don't challenge the religion generally. This is to avert the Jehovah's Witnesses "divide and conquer" plan, which they have already started, to emotionally separate you from your husband.
    • That intervention idea sounds really good, as long as you get yourself educated first and as long as the interventionist has experience with the Jehovah's Witnesses.

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