I Could Really Use A Friend

by Hargitay 51 Replies latest jw friends

  • Hargitay

    Have been in the Austin area for a little over a week in the midst of trying to start over. I was df'd recently after being in the truth my entire life. Everyone has abandoned me, and I am lost out here. If there is anyone in Austin area, I could really use a friend.

  • LoisLane looking for Superman
    LoisLane looking for Superman

    Hello Hargitay,

    Sorry I am not closer. I am sorry you are lonely tonight.

    I do not know how many people are still up tonight to comment.

    You are going thru a terrible, traumatic time. Many, many have been down that/this road before you.

    It is not fun. It is not easy.

    Being DF'ed is abusive. The Society knows how unloving that is. To be suddenly cut adrift, with no JW friends, is cruel.

    We understand. In time, you will find Friends here. They may not know you personally, may not know your history, but they understand your back ground and what misery you are going thru now.

    There was an xJW from Dallas area that was on a few days ago, maybe a week ago. Talking on the Board that we need to do something, set up something to help people when they first come out. You do need help. It is good you recognize that. Something was mentioned about a possible 1-800-(helpJWS). NOTHING is set up. I don't even know if there is even a "ball" rolling, but yes something needs to be done and soon.

    I understand your wanting to be with someone face to face. You are going thru your own personal tsname, tidal wave. Everything isn't as it should be. All topsy-turvy.

    There is a brother (xbro) from Germany that invites people to skype him. I think a week or a month ago he was on. I am new here myself. Just 12 days on for me. I have been reading old posts. I find them very encouraging. I do not feel so alone when I am here on this site.

    Be strong Brother. (((((((((((((((((((((BIGHUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))) The pain of it all will lessen in time.

    I know that doesn't help you tonight but things will get better. Believe me.

  • Giordano
    Sorry Hargitay that your alone. BUT.....none of us were born yesterday so how about more information? Tell us about yourself especially your life as a JW. Age, sex, family, education, job skills, relationships etc.
    We get a fair amount of trolls and don't want to invest in helping you find a better life until we know your the real deal. Use JW terms and your past history so we can know that you are what you claim.
  • cofty

    Hi Hargitay welcome to the forum. I live aong way from Austin but I am sure you will soon find a new circle of friends. Its time to pursue things that interest you, sport, hobbies, voluteering, education etc. As long as you can overcome the JW habit of judging people you will make friends. Good luck, it will get better.

  • OnTheWayOut

    If you are really "Lost in Austin, TX" here is a waiting list for a meetup group.

    Consider it: http://exjw.meetup.com/members/us/tx/austin/

    It's free, join the list and email these others who are also looking for others in Austin.

    Oh, and hello. Welcome to this forum. I hope you find friends here also. I know I did.

  • panhandlegirl

    Hargitay, sorry about your situation. Keep your chin up. Things will get better. There are many nice worldy people out there. Looks like OTWO has provided you with a start for meeting people. And, yes, welcome to this forum.


  • Hargitay
    "Sorry Hargitay that your alone. BUT.....none of us were born yesterday so how about more information? Tell us about yourself especially your life as a JW. Age, sex, family, education, job skills, relationships etc.
    We get a fair amount of trolls and don't want to invest in helping you find a better life until we know your the real deal. Use JW terms and your past history so we can know that you are what you claim."
    Was born and raised in the organization of JW's. Sorry, but the information I give in a public forum will be limited because of the very same trolls you speak of. I have minor children still in the organization, all my friends and family are there, some of whom I still love and care about although they have chosen to treat me as dead for having tried to share a differing veiwpoint. I am homeless and penniless at the moment and have limited access to the internet. I am not asking for a handout or anyone's personal information. What would you like to know? My name? My date of birth, social security number, my driver license number, perhaps? Would you like to know the name of the congregation I was born into? The location of the Assembly Hall I was baptized in at the age of 16? How about the names of the elders on the committee to disfellowship me? The name of the Presiding Overseer in my last congregation? Would you care to see my monthly field service report dating back to 1970? Want to know the average number of placements I hacked out at my own expense ever since I started working for a brother cleaning carpets at the age of 15, who also "studied" with me helping me reach the goal of dedicating my life to serving Jehovah because I was a fatherless boy? Was I consistent in following up on Not At Homes and Return Visits? Did I ever get up before dawn to go do street work downtown before I started my work day just to get in my aux pioneer hours? Would you like to know the name of the brother who fired me from his janitorial service and who asked me politely if I would not use him as a reference after having worked for him 14 years? What sort of proof do you require in order for me to post here, make friends, acquire resources, find work, earn a living, find a place to live, get off the street, get past the one most devastating experience of my life as I have lost everyone near and dear to me because I could no longer in good conscience carry lies from door to door, or recite them a la Watchtower study article on Sunday morning?
    About seven years ago, I was talking to some sisters out in front of our Kingdom Hall where they were displaying the publications to passersby on a folding table. A man on a bicycle stopped to engage them and began asking questions about some of the topics therein. His questions were different and kept the poor sisters thumbing through the Reasoning Book looking for a proper response, but he wouldn't relent. They could not answer his questions about 607, about 1914, about blood, about 1975, etc.. They turned to me, but I was no help. I listened to the man who was very kind, concise, and patient. The Ministry School and 30-something years of Bible study had not prepared me for what this guy had. I decided to do some independent Bible study comparing what the publications said with what other sources said. There were some things I could no longer deny, and had to accept the WTBTS had it wrong . . . seemingly deliberately. Two years ago, I got ahold of Crisis of Conscience in PDF form and read it in two days. I was amazed and had no reason in my mind to doubt what Franz says in his book. I sat for two years with all this information in my head until I couldn't take it anymore. I started sharing it with my wife who sometimes made fault-finding remarks about the brothers and the Society and figured she would be open to hearing a little validation for he complaints. Just the opposite was the result. She hardly said a word, then went to the elders in our congregation, one of which was her brother, and she told she was afraid I was trying to lead her and our children away from Jehovah and the Truth. I was ambushed after the Thursday night Service Meeting the following week by my brother-in-law and two more elders who wanted to confirm whether I had been reading apostate literature or talking to former brothers about their apostate beliefs. Thinking that my brother-in-law would be sympathetic and understanding, I told them I had read a book written by a former governing body member, and attempted to toss out a couple issues I was in doubt about. I was cut off by him and was asked rather contemptuously, "how long does it take for a man to realize he doesn't have the truth?" I didn't understand the question. He then said, "you've been in the Truth all your life and you are JUST NOW realizing it isn't the truth? Seems kind of silly, don't you think, for anyone to spend so much time in the organization and come to realize after decades that he doesn't have God's truth". I told him I had spent all the time not questioning or studying other sources, that I had always just trusted and take the Society's word for everything I was being taught, and the word of my parents, and yours, too". I was disfellowshipped two weeks later after their attempts to readjust my thinking failed. My wife asked me to leave. I did.
    That was three weeks ago, and I am here in Austin, on the street, no friends, no family, no resources. I spent the last of my money on window cleaning equipment so that I can at least try and earn some money daily to eat on, perhaps save up and get my own place. I have a storage unit I keep my clothes and personal things in, I stay clean by showering and shaving at a local bicycle shop that provides that kind of amenity for a dollar. I am even having a hard time doing accounts for free just to get references. I do eat most days, I keep presentable, I am exhausted from sleep depravation, and though I am homeless, I do not want a handout. I do not want charity. I simply want a friend to share a cup of coffee with who understands, because people out here in the world who were never Jehovah's Witnesses- they don't get it. They don't care.
    I have to close for now
    Thanks for reading, for your encouragement, support.
  • Anony Mous
    Anony Mous


    I would go to the police and tell them the situation and tell them you want your house back. If you own or co-own the house, your spouse cannot simply kick you out, you have the right to be in your own house.

    I would suggest you find a job as well. You can probably end up selling the house if you go for a divorce. What I did was live in a room in a shared house (with students) for a couple of months while I stabilized.

    Sorry to hear about you, you may be able to find some kind of pro-bono lawyer or public service for you if you need help recovering your assets.

  • rebel8

    Wow. Personally I tend to take people at face value unless there's major red flags. It's no skin off my nose to be nice...

    Welcome and holy cow, you've been through a lot. Congratulations on taking this serious but healthy step toward a Life Worth Living.

    I've been in very bad straights and lost nearly everything, though clearly not as severely as you. Your story is not unheard of. Very sad indeed. Wishing you the best. (( ))

  • blindnomore

    What Annoy Mous said. You are entitle to half what you and your spouse owe. You were terribly wronged by your wife and JWs. Pleas go to the police. The Police would accompany you to your home and would oversee the situation.

    Where are all the texans when someone need help? Would any of you go check on him?

    Hargitay, PM me for further assistance. I have a friend who was in your situation when she first left Organization. She went back her house accompanied by the police and got her home back from her husband.

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