I Could Really Use A Friend

by Hargitay 51 Replies latest jw friends

  • LouBelle

    I live in a home with my grandparents. I moved there because I couldn't afford my own flat anymore. They have made it very clear to me I am just a tenant. I am blatently disregarded, I am blatently lied about, I am ignored. They make me feel extremely unwelcome. I have been living like that for nearly a year.

    You have got to learn to control yourself. You have got to learn to let go of certain expectations - yes it bloody well hurts like hell. You have got to grow a very thick skin. You have got to let go of the ego (when it comes to asserting your rights etc) You keep the peace in the home. You have got to learn to suck shit up and go about your day. You are polite when they are in your space and you can converse if they wish. You don't cause a fuss. You make sure you stay out of the way. You keep your nose clean.

    It's not easy - not at all - but you know what - I have grown such a huge amount. I am in control of myself. They can say what they like and they do - I won't crumble, I won't fall, simply because of the way they have treated me, they have made me stronger.

  • wannabefree

    How do you remain in a home you built for people who do not want you there? How do you do that?

    How do you run away from your children using the excuse that they don't want you there? This is hard for me to understand unless you really were awful to them.

    Tell me, please, how do you force your will upon another human being and expect to reside in any kind of peace or without causing them to disregard you even more than they already do?

    You have to recognize that you DON'T force your will upon another human being, you set the example for your children. Whether they can understand why you don't believe the Watchtower anymore is of no consequence, what they do see is how you are acting after losing your faith. You are a father and you abandoned your kids, I don't know how old they are, but try practicing the future conversation you might have with them explaining why you walked out of their lives.

    So many say go back and assert your rights, but they have not yet answered those questions or offered any strategy for doing so without doing more damage to the children. Of course, I want to go home. Of course I want to put my foot down and assert MY rights. Easier said than done.

    More damage to your children? If you have been a total @ss to your children and treated them like dirt, maybe they are better off that you left ... if you have been a good father to them, how is leaving them not more damaging than staying with them and letting them see that dad isn't the wicked person that the religion paints him to be?

    ..... I truly hope you can sort this out

  • perfect1

    Could you please post here a little more often- I have thought of you often and wondered how you are doing.

  • Hargitay

    Update: I am now at my SIL's, have a job, finishing projects my brother could not finish before he died, and I'm safe and getting back on my feet. I will post more in time. Meanwhile, if you anyone has any questions, feel free to message me or post them here. I will try and respond asap. hugs.

    C, I'd toss your lying ass under the bus, but the smell of squashed bullshit is more than most people can handle. Do not contact me again here or any other way. I'm not kidding.

  • mamochan13

    Hargitay - glad to hear you've managed to settle for now. It will get better. Sometimes we make decisions that seem like the only choice at the time, and sometimes we are not emotionally able to take a certain course of action. Perhaps once you are back on your feet you will be in a better position to work on a relationship with your kids, but you need emotional and practical stability right now.

    I did not comment previously but I have been thinking of you and hoping things would take a positive turn.

  • Band on the Run
    Band on the Run

    You are in a transitional time. Transitions are very painful for me, even when it is for the better. It only seems that you are alone. If you view your situation as temporary, and force yourself, to leave your comfort zone to make new friends, you will have friends in due time. This might be a good time to enjoy solitude.

  • Band on the Run
    Band on the Run

    Homeless. I checked it out in NY. Frankly, I don't think I could survive a public shelter. Dudes used to cry for a church shelter. Try a church shelter. I volunteered for two church shelters. The volunteers called the system a pimp. We had the creme de la creme of the homeless. Seek out priests or ministers on your own. References would help. I could survive a church shelter. You will be safe and with a different crowd than the public system. Even if you have no belief, pretend you do. I would lie to be in a safe and warm place.

    If it were warm out, I think I would trust the streets.

    I met men who were in the system a short time. So there is hope. Chat up everyone.

    You don't belong in a public system.

  • clarity

    Hargitay ... glad to hear that you are in a safe place for now,

    with family.

    Give yourself some time to sort things out ok,

    you are probably just running on nerves at this point.


    Since my avatar starts with "C" I need to know who you mean

    when you say ... " C, I'd toss your lying ass under the bus"


    Can't see my complicity in that at all ... must be those who went back

    on their word in your travels???


    Sending best wishes from Canada...........


  • Hargitay

    Yeah, clarity, C is not you. He has a sn starting with an entirely different letter. He rolled out the red carpet for me and then yanked it out from under my feet on a pretext. he will not stop harassing me. I have asked him to leave me alone, but he keeps pm'ing me on this board and if he doesn't stop, I am going to go apeshit and out him with his pretentious messages of hope and generosity, and then his U-turn in slamming the door of his tender whatchamacallits in my face. He has called me a fraud, called the police on me (FOR WHAT???? I have not asked anyone for anything but emotional and mental support here and I did not take a damn dime from this tool though he offered plenty . . . but he twisted the facts then nit=picked them to death like he is some super sleuth just to justify his backsliding. I was not even going to mention it publicly, but he keeps harassing me and I will not only report him to the mods, but i will also notify the local police of his stalking and harassment. I have asked him at least two times in a written pm to stop contacting me, but he won't relent, and wonders why I am pissed. He is obtuse and pretentious. Pathetic.

    Yes, it was a public shelter at which I lost my wallet and ID. It was new friends who stole my laptop. It was an employer near Austin who druggd me in my sleep and sexually assaulted me, and did not pay me what he owes me when I left. I am going to sit in a dark room for a while. This has been a nightmare, and I now have plenty more issues to deal with.

    thanks, again, to all for your continued encouragement. xo

  • Hargitay

    Now, let me just own this entire thing. let me take full personal responsibility for things turning out the way they have. I should have kept my effing mouth shut to my wife. I should have just gone through the motions dead inside, letting it eat away at me slowly and agonizingly. I would have not caused all this if I had have just kept it all to myself.

    "C" used as an excuse for not keeping his word, and this was just one of his excuses, that my sarcasm in a previous post turned many off and they refused to help in a collection he was taking up. Fine. I did not ask for a collection, but I was challenged by another poster as to the truthfulness of my sorrow and lamentations. Receiving encouragement, apparently, rested in me proving I was who and what I said I was. WTF? I have been reading this board for a few months and how damned difficult is it to write a few words of encouragement, share experiences, offer direction to someone coming out of the org without expressing doubt as to their honesty? I was not asking for money or a handout. I was just reaching out for what this board claims it offers. So, if some of you were turned off by my sarcasm, that is your tough luck because I don't have to prove a damn thing to any of you. So, you doubt, have been tricked by people like Rick Fearon and Johnny the Bethelite and so you want to vet all nubies, is that it? Or you slam the door in their faces? Lame. You'd rather post to threads like, "Who has bigger penises: Bethelites or Auxillary Pioneers?"? So, if it is the way "C" says it is, that my sarcasm pissed a bunch of you off . . . ? Well, you have the same pair of britches to get glad in. I DON'T GIVE A RAT'S BEHIND whether you believe me or not.

    that is all I am going to say on that topic, and C, seriously, stop contacting me. I don't care anymore. Go make your sad weak-ass promises to someone else. You shipped me a bill of goods I did not ask for, and it all came in a big empty box. Go tithe or something.

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