Oompa: hugs, know how you feel. Tomorrow's another day with new opportunities to get to know new people. Not to worry about our JW baggage nearly everyone else has their own brand of baggage they're carrying around.
F@L
to date JWism has defined my life and i hate that TRUTH
by oompa 90 Replies latest jw friends
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zed is dead
A little cheese would be nice with all that whine.
zed
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SixofNine
zed lives!
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Emma
After having "automatic" friends, making real friends takes a bit of work. It's worth the effort because they will be real friends. I'm trying to remember when I left 20 years ago. (Yikes! That long?!) I did join a church (Unitarian Universalist) and have a couple of close friends from that. I like to sing, joined an informal group. Struck up conversations with neighbors, invited them over for coffee. I made friends with coworkers. I realized that what I used to count as friends were high in number and short on committment.
It takes time Oompa but you'll get there one friend at a time!
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whathappened
I am in much the same boat. At 58 and divorced, I do not fit in with the so called "worldy people" but I can't go back to the JW's. It is very real and very depressing. Having made every life decision based on Armageddon coming any minute now, I am left in a very vulnerable position.
Hopefully, it will all work out and we will find our way. But we must stop hating and move forward, that is what I am beginning to believe.
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dreamgolfer
Oopma my brother, you can do this, but I will be truthful - Emma has great advice and so do others that offer suggestions.
I remember when you told me "why" you wanted a divorce, please rethink that , i think you may have some "Wiggle room" there,
I know she loves, and you love her, remember you may search the REST OF YOUR LIFE and NEVER find another like her again., Now that would be tragic.
We all got "Hoodwinked" it's what my shrink said "we got born into" JWland. - Our buddy in New Zealand said the same thing on another post, we just had the "fortune" of being born as JW's, Heck it could have been alot worse and we coulda been born in PAkistan and be Muslim, wouldn't that be a trip!
We were lied to, told things to control us, but now we know better and can move forward. It isn't easy but with friends we can do it. And we can make new ones. I am learning to do that every day. IT isn't easy, but it's possible and better than staying in bed all day.
We are walking similar paths, and we can help, support and encourage each other, That is what the "TROOF" is here. Look, the NFL is starting (Cam is the man), the weather is cooling down and you have a business that can support you and your family, you got some good things going on - the "glass is half full" so to speak.
Lets meet up on a regular basis, we can help each other, I need support, you need it, lets make it happen so we BOTH can have a long and happy life (however long that is ) Neal Armstrong RIP at 82.
I told you we need to play some golf. Lets do it!
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MrFreeze
I have not fared too badly in that regard. My brother was always a lax JW growing up (never got baptised) and had many "worldly" friends so I had some aquaintances that I was able to turn to for at least some semblance of a social circle. Also, cultivating some form of friendship with people I worked with before I made the jump. I do have a friend I grew up with and now we are roommates. I made sure to never cut ties with "worldly" people, even when I was a serious dubbie. I guess maybe I always knew I would end up leaving.
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DeathSentry
Have to say that, similarly, I stopped attending last year, the overlapping generations was the last straw for me. So turned 50 this year and facing the definite eventuality of getting older and dying one day. But like "lois looking for superman" commented, you grew up with this belief for so long, its hard to face the harsh reality.
My parents have been lifelong JWers and now in their early 80s, my father is fighting cancer and it kills me to see him try to shield the fear of death as he also was told he would never have to die. So the JWs stop by from time to time and last time I told them I am angry at the false prediction. The response I got was the light getting brighter and like a ship "tacking" its way through a storm, some adjustments but still heading to the destination.
I finally said I just can't believe in them anymore. I mean, I stayed in a marriage for 16 years (horrible from the start) because I reasoned that the end was close and Jehovah would "hate a divorcing". Well at 40 I moved out and stopped attending for a number of years as I went through my divorce.
So to me, to be told that perhaps I'm not flexible/am bitter about the changes...is just frustrating. So I wish you well oompa in finding peace, its tough but its at least reality vs. the fairy tales we've been fed for years.
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DesirousOfChange
Oompa, I too have found it difficult to cultivate other friends. Being self employed (at least I think you are), it's impossible to meet other peers and work who have similar interests. Employees will never be real "friends", as there is that employer/employee relationship that gets in the way. Employees can be a social outlet, but you'll probably have to throw most of the parties, and many will think they are obligated to socialize with you vs. being real friends.
Let's face it. All of our friends were JWs when we were "IN". As you exit, even if it's just a fade, they gradually dry up and disappear. After all, you are no longer "good association".
I think it takes meeing people with whom you have common interests at some other venue. Country club, community group, volunteer organization, businessmen's club, amateur sports competition teams, clubs for a specific hobby, etc.
Also, I have found that I really don't care for some of the people after we have become better acquainted. I can't stand smoking, or over-drinking, use of drugs, or those who have a level of morality that conflicts with mine (I don't want to go to strip clubs with the guys, or be around some married guy who is always trying to score with some other woman). Maybe it's from my JW background, but I don't want to be involved that.
Being a JW gives you millions of automatic "friends" the minute they find out you have the Truth in common. But you can lose them as quickly/easily as you found them.
On the personal relationship level: I think it's sad that the difference in religious views destroyed a marriage. Esp the JW spouse should still have a high level of respect for the sanctity of marriage, even if the spouse leaves the Truth.
Good luck!
Doc
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oompa
zed this is more than just a whine...i am increasingly challanged and am having serious thoughts about going back for some stability i need in my life....but part of me thinks i would die inside...i may be at a crossroads....amazingly an old jw childhood friend who went to bethel and came a few years later and became a ragin apostate (johnny held)...he has been out like 30 years and has ome back....now i hear he was attending for THREE YEARS before they let him back in....mine would be five at least lol....actually i am crying inside
and talk about bad luck i just lost my biggest customer and had to lay off four good employees today....im lower than low
thanks for all the nice responces...yours too zed...i know i need to be more positive...just struggling right now