She refused to Return His Calls After a First Date, Then in Rage, He Rants Out, Very Revealing

by Scott77 254 Replies latest social relationships

  • Scott77

    NB: This is internet re-post Lindsay Mannering's Article. Enjoy reading. Scott77

    investmant guy emailIf ever there was a reason to hide under the covers with a box of wine and swear off menfor good, this might be it. A 1,600-word email has been making the rounds recently that's written by a poor man who really doesn't get it. His name is Mike, and he and Lauren went out on a date. Mike then proceeded to text, call, and finally email Lauren after he hadn't heard back from her.

    You see, Lauren thought the date was horrific and didn't want anything to do with Mike. But Mike didn't like being ignored. Not at all. So he googled her, figured out her email, and sent along the most epic tome of embarrassing un-self-awareness that there ever was. He writes:

    Hi Lauren,

    I'm disappointed in you. I'm disappointed that I haven't gotten a response to my voicemail and text messages. FYI, I suggest that you keep in mind that emails sound more impersonal, harsher, and are easier to misinterpret than in-person or phone communication. After all, people can't see someone's body language or tone of voice in an email. I'm not trying to be harsh, patronizing, or insulting in this email. I'm honest and direct by nature, and I'm going to be that way in this email. By the way, I did a google search, so that's how I came across your email.

    I assume that you no longer want to go out with me. (If you do want to go out with me, then you should let me know.) I suggest that you make a sincere apology to me for giving me mixed signals. I feel led on by you.

    Things that happened during our date include, but are not limited to, the following:

    -You played with your hair a lot. A woman playing with her hair is a common sign of flirtation. You can even do a google search on it. When a woman plays with her hair, she is preening. I've never had a date where a woman played with her hair as much as you did. In addition, it didn't look like you were playing with your hair out of nervousness.

    -We had lots of eye contact during our date. On a per-minute basis, I've never had as much eye contact during a date as I did with you.

    -You said, "It was nice to meet you." at the end of our date. A woman could say this statement as a way to show that she isn't interested in seeing a man again or she could mean what she said--that it was nice to meet you. The statement, by itself, is inconclusive.

    -We had a nice conversation over dinner. I don't think I'm being delusional in saying this statement.

    In my opinion, leading someone on (i.e., giving mixed signals) is impolite and immature. It's bad to do that.

    Normally, I would not be asking for information if a woman and I don't go out again after a first date. However, in our case, I'm curious because I think our date went well and that there is a lot of potential for a serious relationship. Of course, it's difficult to predict what would happen, but I think there is a lot of potential for a serious relationship developing between us one day (or least there was before your non-response to my voicemail and text messages).

    I think we should go out on a second date. In my opinion, our first date was good enough to lead to a second date.

    Why am I writing you? Well, hopefully, we will go out again. Even if we don't, I gain utility from expressing my thoughts to you. In addition, even if you don't want to go out again, I would like to get feedback as to why you wouldn't want to go again. Normally, I wouldn't ask a woman for this type of feedback after a first date, but this is an exception given I think we have a lot of potential.

    If you don't want to go again, then apparently you didn't think our first date was good enough to lead to a second date. Dating or a relationship is not a Hollywood movie. It's good to keep that in mind. In general, I thought the date went well and was expecting that we would go out on a second date.

    If you're not interested in going out again, then I would have preferred if you hadn't given those mixed signals. I feel led on. We have a number of things in common. I'll name a few things: First, we’ve both very intelligent. Second, we both like classical music so much that we go to classical music performances by ourselves. In fact, the number one interest that I would want to have in common with a woman with whom I'm in a relationship is a liking of classical music. I wouldn't be seriously involved with a woman if she didn't like classical music. You said that you're planning to go the NY Philharmonic more often in the future.

    As I said, I go to the NY Philharmonic often. You're very busy. It would be very convenient for you to date me because we have the same interests. We already go to classical music performances by ourselves. If we go to classical music performances together, it wouldn't take any significant additional time on your part. According to the internet, you're 33 or 32, so, at least from my point of view, we're a good match in terms of age. I could name more things that we have in common, but I'll stop here. I don't understand why you apparently don't want to go out with me again. We have numerous things in common. I assume that you find me physically attractive. If you didn't find me physically attractive, then it would have been irrational for you to go out with me in the first place. After all, our first date was not a blind date. You already knew what I looked like before our date. Perhaps, you're unimpressed that I manage my family’s investments and my own investments. Perhaps, you don’t think I have a "real" job. Well, I’ve done very well as an investment manager. I've made my parents several millions of dollars.

    That's real money. That's not monopoly money. In my opinion, if I make real money, it's a real job. Donald Trump's children work for his company. Do they have "real" jobs? I think so. George Soros's sons help manage their family investments. Do they have "real" jobs? I think so. In addition, I’m both a right-brain and left-brain man, given that I’m both an investment manager and a philosopher/writer. That’s a unique characteristic; most people aren't like that. I've never been as disappointed and sad about having difficulty about getting a second date as I am with you. I've gone out with a lot of women in my life. (FYI, I'm not a serial dater. Sometimes, I've only gone out with a woman for one date.) People don’t grow on trees. I hope you appreciate the potential we have.

    Am I sensitive person? Sure, I am. I think it's better to be sensitive than to be insensitive. There are too many impolite, insensitive people in the world.

    I suggest that we continue to go out and see what happens. Needless to say, I find you less appealing now (given that you haven't returned my messages) than I did at our first date. However, I would be willing to go out with you again. I'm open minded and flexible and am willing to give you the benefit of the doubt. I wish you would give me the benefit of the doubt too. If you don't want to go out again, in my opinion, you would be making a big mistake, perhaps one of the biggest mistakes in your life. If you don’t want to go out again, then you should have called to tell me so. Even sending a text message would have been better than nothing. In my opinion, not responding to my messages is impolite, immature, passive aggressive, and cowardly. I spent time, effort, and money meeting you for dinner. Getting back to me in response to my messages would have been a reasonable thing for you to do. In addition, you arrived about 30 minutes late for our date. I'm sure you wouldn’t like it if a man showed up thirty minutes late for a first date with you.

    If you're concerned that you will hurt my feelings by providing specific information about why you don't want to go with me again, well, my feeling are already hurt. I'm sad and disappointed about this situation. If you give information, at least I can understand the situation better. I might even learn something that is beneficial.

    If you don't want to go out again, that I request that you call me and make a sincere apology for leading me on (i.e., giving me mixed signals). In my opinion, you shouldn't act that way toward a man and then not go out with him again. It's bad to play with your hair so much and make so much eye contact if you're not interested in going out with me again. I have tried to write this email well, but it's not perfect. Again, I'm not trying to be harsh, insulting, patronizing, etc. I'm disappointed, sad, etc. I would like to talk to you on the phone. I hope you will call me back at xxx-xxx-xxxx> (if it's inconvenient for you to talk on the phone when you read this email, you can let me know via email that you are willing to talk on the phone and I'll call you). If you get my voicemail, you can a leave a message and I can call you back. Even if you don't want to go out again, I would appreciate it if you give me the courtesy of calling me and talking to me. Yes, you might say things that hurt me, but my feelings are already hurt. Sending me an email response (instead of talking on the phone) would better than no response at all, but I think it would be better to talk on the phone. Email communication has too much potential for misinterpretation, etc.

    Best, Mike

    Is your jaw on the floor? Totally maniacal. I'm not sure what the lesson is here, either. Never date a guy in finance? Never date, again? Never date anyone named Mike? Never play with your hair lest you lead on Captain Crazy? Don't make eye contact like an adult if you're dealing with a man-child who might interpret that as flirtation? Never go to a classical concert by yourself? Really, though, we may have to stop saying "nice to meet you." I think that's what got Lauren in hot water here. She should've known better than to use the world's most common and insignificant platitude. What was she thinking?

    Have you ever been out with a guy who just won't leave you alone? Ever received anything at all even remotely like this horrible email?

  • Room 215
    Room 215

    Boy, I'd love the get the movie rights to this...... A restraining order seems likely to be in Lauren and Mike's future

  • clarity


    He made a lot of money for his parents????

    What, he's got three heads and they put him in the circus!!

    (no offense to those who actually have three heads!)

  • NewChapter

    Can I get his number? It's not often you find a right AND left brained guy!

  • King Solomon
    King Solomon

    I've seen robots who had smoother moves than this guy, lol! I love how he's trying to edumacate (sic) her about how "real life" goes....

    He's obviously been reading some of those "how to get any women begging you for sex" books, and should be demanding a refund, since the "sure-fire" methods didn't work for him!

  • Cagefighter

    NC, PM me and I will give you my number!


    Poor guy just had enough. Part of the break down between men and women is men don't feel respected anymore. Not justifying him actually sending this, but it could have been avoided with "Lauren". Just texting the guy and letting him know she isn't interested and thanks for the free meal.

    If a guy takes a girl out and ignores her after a good date he is a dog. Some women are so eager to be the victim and be "stalked" and there are plenty of guys like Mike that are frustrated and happy to oblige. It's like gasoline and fire.

    First sign of evasiveness, I split. This is why.

  • Scott77

    Lol. Ok, please, anyone is welcome to take over this thread and shepherd through while other posts to express their views. My view is that, regardless of how matching each one of us may be, sometimes, it does not work out. A lady's silence or non-response is itself a pointer to what is going behind. In other words, she means Iam not interested Period.


  • NewChapter

    Well Cagefighter---after watching you blame the stalking victim---I'm kind of scared to pm you.

    There is a school of thought/flirt, that a man should find a flaw in the woman. Like he thinks she's great, BUT there is this one thing. And then the guy is supposed to graciously announce that is okay, he can deal with it.

    It's supposed to really make us swoon.

    You're less appealing now that you haven't returned my calls, but I'm willing to overlook it and give you the benefit of the doubt.

    My paste doesn't work.

    I've never been out on a nightmare date like this, but there was an incident a few months ago that made me a bit tense. I went out with a perfectly nice guy, and had no problem with considering a second date. Then I looked at my phone and saw I had two calls from him after leaving the date. There was one message--and that made me uncomfortable. So I checked the message and he was apologizing and said he'd bumped his phone. Fair enough. I did go out on the second date, and again he was very nice. But he kept talking in terms of the future, and that made me uncomfortable. He felt a real connection, and while he was pleasant enough, I kind of need a bit more time. It has been my experience that those that form immediate attachments have a distorted view of the person, and may even be hiding things about themselves, so they try to get you caught up in a whirlwind so you move on emotion and not reason and don't look too deeply. I get this isn't 100% accurate, but it is a flag that should not be ignored.

    He kept saying that he liked me because I was very modest. Well YEAH, first dates and all. I know how to act in public. He had a false view of me cuz my boobs weren't hanging out. Sure I could be comfortable and appropriate at a classical music concert with him, but the next night I wanna be drunk and screaming at a rock concert. I'm pretty sure I would have fallen off of that lofty pedastal in no time.


  • fakesmile

    wow. thanks for posting. i have seen this behavior from a 16 yr old virgin, never a 33 yr old virgin(no offense). to all the gals who read this, dont give up on guys yet. and to the guys, be carefull not to make the rest of our speciMEN out to be specibitches.

    everything in this email screams... murder/suicide.

  • Scott77

    NewChapter, here is your take, this thread. ok? and thank you in advance. Cagefighter, I hope everythings are ok. :)


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