Help! I'm having serious thoughts about going back

by lola28 81 Replies latest jw friends

  • hoser

    lola28 you have a pm

  • LostGeneration

    Would any of those things have been prevented if you were in the Org over the last year?

    You are just looking for some peace in your life, all of us would feel the same if in your shoes.

    Sometimes "time and unforseen occurance befall us all" (probably one of the few scriptures I would ever quote)

    Things will get better!

  • mrsjones5

    " A real friend loves you even if you are of a different religion."

    Or if you simply don't believe.

    I hope you feel better soon.

  • tec

    I am sorry that you are going through such a hard time, though I do not think it has to do with the WTS or not.

    Do you think these things would not have happened if you were still a jw?

    For instance, losing your mom to cancer has nothing to do with you. Unless you think God cursed your mother with a disease to get at you? (does sound silly)

    You should talk through those things as if you still WERE a jw, and see how much changes.



  • Adiva

    Hi Lola.

    I'm sorry these things are happening to you. But having stuff happen to you is part of life, part of living. The important thing is your response to what's happening, not assigning blame but, simple acceptance.

    As far a going back is concerned, I tried going back 3 times, thinking that it would fill the void in my soul. It didn't. I felt empty. I would have to echo 'Headisspinning's words: Paying attention to MYSELF was the key. That's where I found the answers to my questions, that is where the 'truth' lies.


  • Think About It
    Think About It

    Don't know how long you have been out, but I can certainly understand the thoughts and conditioning that would make you think going back would be something worth considering at this time. It's just the mind control and guilt working on you that is causing you these thoughts. The things you've mentioned can happen to anybody. Go back if you must, but it's not going to suddenly bring you blessings.

    Good luck.

    Think About It

  • elderelite

    Lola.... If your mom had cancer, she had it BEFORE you left, not because you left. If jehovah is the god they claim, he would never kill your mother with a loathsome disease because you stopped attending the hall. Thats unthinkable.

    The buissness debt/issue.... Chances are it was a decision or group of decisions you made dating back for sometime, again before you stopped going to meetings. Even the dubbies quote proverbs from the living bible where it says "men make bad decisions and then blame god".

    And relationships end all the time. It happens. Jehovah dosent keep people together or break them up. None of this has anything to do woth the org... I think you nailed it when you said you needed a support system. Thats prob what you miss

  • Paralipomenon

    I'm an advocate for doing whatever makes you happy. If being a witness again for the support would genuinely make you happy, then you should do it.

    Keep in mind though, when life is down it is common to reflect on happier times. If you had been a Witness for quite a while, it would be understandable to pull on those happy memories. While good memories can be uplifting be careful that you don't romanticize the memories.

    You left for a reason, if you are seriously thinking of going back weigh the pros and cons.

    As for the nagging doubt, before giving it a voice try to rule this out first "do you have any mental guilt left over that is making you sabotage your relationships and career"? Making a clean break from such a controlling organization is going to be different for each person based on the control it had in their lives.

    I think you'll get great advice here, but before making a decision, I'd suggest making an appointment with a doctor to evaluate yourself for depression.

  • lola28

    For those of you who have sent pms, I can see that you sent them but when I go to open them it says that there's an error in the application, so I'm unable to see what you sent thru.

    I think the reason going back sounds like a good idea is because the years that I was a witness life was good, since I've left I have been hit with one things after another, from my sister becoming ill, to my mother passing and everything else, life just feels unbearable right now.

  • Muddy Waters
    Muddy Waters

    You know what... we (we as in human beings) tend to magnify the bad stuff that happens in our life more than the good stuff.

    Yes, some really bad stuff has happened to you. BUT think about this: when you were hit by a car, you weren't killed thankfully. You probably had wonderful people at the hospital who did their best to help you and put you back together in whatever physical way you needed.

    You lost your mom to cancer, but that would have happened regardless of being in the org or not.

    You say there's support at the hall, and yes that's true ONLY if you're an active JW. Their support is conditional. Have you any non-JW or ex-JW friends who have supported or helped you through the loss of your mom?

    Business is really bad for a lot of people right now, in the org or not, because the economy is so messed up right now. There are a lot of people hurting. So this can happen whether you are in the org or not.

    Ask yourself: What good things have happened to you since you left? Make another list. Think on those things.

    When I stopped going to meetings and found out "the truth about the truth" I had tons of things happen in my life as well. Very negative things. I also thought that maybe it was because I left the org. (Funny how "they" can make you think that way). I read Steve Hassan's books (one is called, Combatting Cult Mind Control, which is an absolutely excellent resource! Almost vital reading for any ex-JW!!) You start to see how you "filter" everything and every event through your past "programming", and also because we've been conditioned that way at meetings. We always hear from the platform about people who leave and how messed up their lives became.

    Well, think about this: how many people still "in" have messed up lives? How many JWs still contend with troubles and financial difficulties and sickness and cancer and illness and family break-ups and divorces and any number of other bad things?

    When you say you have "support" from JWs, just what kind of support do you mean? Will they help you financially? Will they search for a job for you, will they help you with home repairs or shopping or gardening or housework? (okay, a very few might. But this is the exception, not the rule!) Most JWs "help" or "support" you with WORDS. Words, words, words. And yes, sisters are good for giving hugs with those words. The offer a sympathetic ear, but they really don't want to hear too much about your troubles and trials BECAUSE THEY'RE DEALING WITH THEIR OWN TROUBLES AND TRIALS. Most JWs are quick with sympathy, quick with words, but slow on practical help. And what are their solutions for all your trials and troubles?? FIELD SERVICE and MEETING ATTENDANCE. And if that doesn't seem to be helping, then DO MORE field service and meeting attendance and study and prayer. Must do more, more, more. And when you finally exhaust yourself and burn out and wonder how serving the needs of a publishing corporation can grant you any sort of relief from your troubles, you will be right back where you are now.

    Sorry if I'm being depressing. Just trying to help you look at the situation objectively.

    Love, Muddy

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