Help! I'm having serious thoughts about going back

by lola28 81 Replies latest jw friends

  • zacktac

    Hi Belize,

    I'm new here. Been lurking for a few days. I'm not, and have never been, a JW. I was a believing Mormon until about 4 years ago. I felt rage over the sense of betrayal because of false claims of the Mormon Church. Part of what help me get past that anger a couple of years ago was reading a book I think many of you are familiar with, Crisis of Conscience. As a result I feel a kind of kinship with ex-JWs.

    At any rate, your thread has pulled me out from lurking. First of all, I'm so sorry for the difficulties you've experienced lately. These things are hard for us to understand, and I think it's natural for most of us to seek understanding and solutions that are irrational when we cannot make rational sense of things. One of the others already said this, but I agree, if going back will really help, I would encourage you to do that. I think if you take a long hard look at it though, you'd see that going back probably wouldn't help in the long run.

    If it helps, Mormons think this way too. Mormons are conditioned to think that happiness and other good fortunes of life are dependent on worthiness and obedience, like paying tithing (to the tune of 10%) to the Mormon Church. Shortly after I stopped paying tithing, my wife and I were struggling a little with finances. Fortunately I had just gotten a raise at work (in spite of not paying tithing). Because of her indoctrination, my wife told me that we wouldn’t be having the financial challenges if I were just paying my tithing. I reminded her that I had just gotten a raise, and that it was incredibly irrational to think we were being punished with financial difficulties when I had just gotten the raise. I also pointed out to her that if I started paying tithing again, we’d be an additional 10% in trouble.

    I hope life’s journey gets a lot smoother for you soon!

    Your new ex-Mormon friend,


  • nugget

    Zack what a lovely first post welcome.

    Lola when you wanted help your first instinct wasn't to phone the elders but it was to post here where people are happy to offer advice without an agenda. This is a brilliant support network and has a host of wisdom from many decades in and out of the organisation.

    I am so sorry all that bad stuff happened to you but do you truly believe that all those things wouldn't have happened if you had still been going to meetings? Sadly those things would still have happened. You wouldn't have saved anyone's life or not had an accident just because you were regularly attending. It is perfectly natural to feel a sense of guilt along with a sense of loss, when someone close to you dies it is a huge shock but you are not responsible for those things happening. That would suggest that god is vindictive and spiteful punnishing the innocent and not the guilty.

    I would get some professional counselling to help you deal with all this trauma and help you find a balance and a way through all of this. They will help you to negotiate your feelings objectively and help you make a clear judgement not based on fear or guilt.

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