I'm new here. Been lurking for a few days. I'm not, and have never been, a JW. I was a believing Mormon until about 4 years ago. I felt rage over the sense of betrayal because of false claims of the Mormon Church. Part of what help me get past that anger a couple of years ago was reading a book I think many of you are familiar with, Crisis of Conscience. As a result I feel a kind of kinship with ex-JWs.
At any rate, your thread has pulled me out from lurking. First of all, I'm so sorry for the difficulties you've experienced lately. These things are hard for us to understand, and I think it's natural for most of us to seek understanding and solutions that are irrational when we cannot make rational sense of things. One of the others already said this, but I agree, if going back will really help, I would encourage you to do that. I think if you take a long hard look at it though, you'd see that going back probably wouldn't help in the long run.
If it helps, Mormons think this way too. Mormons are conditioned to think that happiness and other good fortunes of life are dependent on worthiness and obedience, like paying tithing (to the tune of 10%) to the Mormon Church. Shortly after I stopped paying tithing, my wife and I were struggling a little with finances. Fortunately I had just gotten a raise at work (in spite of not paying tithing). Because of her indoctrination, my wife told me that we wouldn’t be having the financial challenges if I were just paying my tithing. I reminded her that I had just gotten a raise, and that it was incredibly irrational to think we were being punished with financial difficulties when I had just gotten the raise. I also pointed out to her that if I started paying tithing again, we’d be an additional 10% in trouble.
I hope life’s journey gets a lot smoother for you soon!
Your new ex-Mormon friend,