For years now after my exit from the WTBTS I have searched for God. As I have previously mentioned in other threads I looked into many other religions, including Druidry, Zen and Tibetan Buddhism (not really a religion), Asatru, Native American Shamanism, Kemetic Orthodoxy, Gnosticism and Pandeism. What I have found is amazing similarities between them all as far as their moral codes go and some similarities in their origins and personalities. I mention this because with the exception of certain differences between the archetypes for the most part they are the same religion.
For years I wondered why the God of the Bible blatantly ignored most of the world and only focused on one small nation of people. Then at the slightest sign of disloyalty he's playing whack-a-mole with their lives.
Yahweh seemed to be a very bloodthirsty God (see the link for a detailed account). I couldn't understand why the rest of the world was just ignored and prophets sent to only one group of people, unless of course that wasn't the case at all. To the Hebrew people the world was very small and so the accounts in the Bible as Yahweh being the Creator of the world made sense. But in our modern age we know the world was much bigger than the ancient world, including yet to be discovered continents. How do we reconcile this? How can the other people of other countries and continents be reconciled to the Hebrew God if they had never heard of him, or how could he rightly hold them accountable if he never bothered to contact them (send prophets)? It just doesn't add up.
Pandeism seems to answer this question.
Then we have the problem of the Bible. The Bible is not a unique book. Many ancient texts claim to be the sole "word of God". The Qur'an, the Apocryphal Books, the Dead Sea Scrolls, The Egyptian Book of the Dead (the Book of Going Forth By Day), the Sumerian texts, and the list goes on and on. Many stories in the Bible are obviously borrowed or even plagarized from much older texts. An example would be the Ten Commandments being an almost word for word copy of the 42 Purifications from the Egyptian religion. Not really surprising when you consider that according to the Exodus account many Egyptians left Egypt along with the Hebrews (if the account is even true) and may have had a hand in their writing. Consider also Moses had been raised an Egyptian and would know these laws by rote.
Then consider the personage of Jesus Christ himself. As has been pointed out in other threads there seems to be little or no evidence of a man like Jesus who existed in the 1st Century. Most everything about him seems to come from his followers. There is not one text (to my knowledge) that was written by Jesus himself. Then consider certain accounts in the Bible. When Jesus was praying in the Garden of Gethsemane and the Apostles were asleep, who recorded Jesus words to Yahweh as is found in the book of Mark? Since Jesus had been taken away shortly after that there would have been no time to relate it to his Apostles. One could reason that he told them after his resurrection but the account of the resurrection wasn't added to the scriptures until some 300 years later (according to some sources).
Then we have the problem of the NT itself. Most of it seems to be geared towards the people of the times. Even Revelation is written to the then existing seven congregations in Asia (seems like a small number for all the work that Paul did). Yet later John says he was "in the Lord's Day". The problem is that the book being written in symbolic language makes it as unintelligible as the Nostradamus Prophecies. It could mean any span of time. Many times Jesus says "Look I am coming quickly" to the seven congregations, yet 2,000 years later we are still waiting.
Now some on these forums (myself included) have said many parts of the Bible cannot be trusted as it's been altered. The question is then, which parts can be trusted and how can one tell? So if it can't be trusted then why quote from it? If we throw the Bible out all together then what basis does anyone have for believing in anything that is written in it? It just doesn't make sense. basically it's being said to read the Bible, then trow it out and rely only upon your relationship with Christ. Well here's the rub. How do we know for a fact that the deity/spirit that we're in contact with is in fact Yeshua? It could be anything or anyone pretending to be such.
One thing that has bothered me is reading the thread where people spoke about praying to YHWH and getting no answer. I tried to figure out why this must be but couldn't come up with a satisfactory answer and be able to keep my faith. Then consider the immense unfairness of this world towards those who follow Yeshua and YHWH. One would think that IF they cared at all then they would at least look out for their own. But history has shown this isn't the case at all (the Inquisition, The Holocaust).
Then we have the Biblical accounts of burning bushes, ravens feeding people in the wilderness, a global flood, a marching band causing walls to tumble down, an unrecorded eclipse, the sun standing still so Joshua could kill more people, etc, yet NONE of this stuff happens anymore. Those people were supposedly given miraculous signs, whereas we today are given a collection of books who's authorship is questionable and a bunch of wars in the name of God. It seems to me that Yahweh was nothing more than a localized deity (much like Ra, Daghda,Shiva, were in other places) and his worship only spread because Christian missionaries used the sword to "convert" people. Had it not been for their efforts, many civilizations would still exist (the Celtic Druids for example), but because of their efforts to convert others, entire civilizations were wiped out. yet no word from heaven about any of this. We're all still waiting for an answer.
Were it not for some of the spiritual experiences I have had over the years, I would just chuck spirituality out the window and pronounce myself an atheist. I can't deny my experiences as being "in my head" but I can deny that there is something rotten with Christianity.
For myself I must apologize to everyone on these forums for promoting Yeshua. I have talked about "hearing" his voice in my head. But the truth of the matter is, I really am not sure who/what it is. Part of me wants to think it's Yeshua (Jesus), BUT when I was into paganism I still heard that voice. Given that the Bible is against witchcraft, this doesn't seem likely. I guess that I'm still holding onto some of the Wt teachings in regard to the 144,000 and other things. I feel SO stupid.
Also I have to admit that I have been back and forth on this issue many times. Perhaps it's time to finally admit that I simply don't know. There are too many prayers that have gone unanswered and I have seemingly wasted away most of my life on something that leaves me with more questions/doubt than answers.
So I guess what I am saying is I'm done with Christianity and all that goes with it. The things supposedly taught by Jesus (showing love to others) in the Gospels are wonderful things, but many books say the same things.
Oh and please don't send me any PM's regrading this issue. If you have something to say about this post, reply in this thread. I'll ignore ANY PM's sent to me regarding this issue. You know who you are.
That is all.