Hi everyone, first I just want to say if it wasn't this forum, I'd be baptized! So THANK YOU for that.
I haven't managed to successfully end my studies with a zealous JW. She uses everything against me to brainwash me into believing i NEED the org. But I don't feel the love of the so called family and all their motives have become questionable. They're obviously desperate not to lose me and I don't know if it's out of love, or because they have to convert people. Everytime I have a problem it's the devil. This is only causing me even more damage because now I'm only convinced Satan is more powerful than God!
Anyway, the 3 day convention is coming up and Hitler my study conductor knowing I'm likely not to go the whole 3 days, arranged for us to stay in a motel with other JW's so I can't go home or decide not to go the next day. I told her I'm sick and really won't be able to do it. She fires back with there's first aid there, so no problem, "oh you'll feel so much better when you're there", Or you don't have to come to the convention, you can stay at the motel.
WHAT!? What is the damn point then of me being there if I'm just going to stay at the motel? Does it look GOOD on her if i go or something or reflect badly on her if I don't because I'M REALLY struggling to understand the logic. I told her I'd drive up on my own for one day and she won't hear of it. I just want to her to accept my "NO" but I'm so confused as to what she's thinking. Is it possible she likes me and wants my company? LOL. I'm a worldly person after all, hard to believe. I'd like to be friends with her but I know JW's don't work like that. I'm thinking it looks better for her if she can tell people she got me there but I'm sick at the motel instead of "she didn't come at all." I'm going crazy anaylyzing the situation and that stupid idea of going and sitting in a motel room instead of just STAYING HOME! She implies I'm in so much better care with them than i will be with my very non JW family at home.
But for some reason she wants to me to haul my sick ass an hour away and then NOT attend the convention if I don't feel like it. It's a really awful feeling not knowing what someone's true intentions are. Since she won't take "No" for an answer, I was thinking of using the waste of time to my advantage like:
-Going to the motel, not going to the convention (since she said it was OK!) and let her see me reading the KJV in the motel room and other religious books that I know JWs aren't allowed to read.
-Going to the convention in a bad mood and showing absolutely no interest and maybe after those 3 days of misery I won't even have to tell her I'm not studying anymore.
All other suggestions are welcome! I don't know what to do. On one hand I like her and the other I don't trust her enough to enjoy this weekend.