To Dissassociate or just Fade into Inactivity ? Your Choice ? Reasons ?

by flipper 66 Replies latest jw friends

  • blondie

    Leavingwt, well, I guess we agree; df'ing was on the horizon for you, so you da'd so you were in control of the decision not them. So far df'ing has not been on the horizon for me. If I da'd I can tell you that would not keep my jw family out of my hair. In essence, I have df'd them, refusing contact. As to any jws that drop by, we have chosen on some occasions not to answer the door, and on some just to say how great things are going and then politely say adieu. We absentee vote due to my disability, we put up lights (all year long), and as I said we refrain from discussions about jw dogma/doctrine with the jws we know under the "no pearls before swine" concept. We have no children, so that is not an issue.

    I don't consider "fading" going to 2 meetings out of 3 weekly for 2 years (which may be all that some can do)...eventually you have to make a decision to cut your ties with the KH. After several nasty events by people in our congregation towards us and unloving words from the platform, KH and assembly, we left, and never went back ten years and counting.

    Just as good parents protect their children against pedophiles, I feel if we had children, we would educate them to protect them regarding jws.

    Love, Blondie

  • watersprout

    Fader but we are treated like we are d'fed. Even babysprout is shunned. Carrots parents still talk to him (just). They are the only ones he is bothered about. Me??? I have no-one in that religion that I give two fruits about. I hope that one day their eyes will be opened and I will go to them to help them. Until that day I will not lose a moments thought over them. They slandered me, treated me like shat and then when I needed them they turned their backs on me. So if they d'fed me I would laugh in their faces. I will NOT give them power by sending in a letter. They have no power and I refuse to play by their rules.

    Phew that rant has cleared my head. Lol


  • DavinciCodeBreaker


    "Look kids! There's the School for the Blind."

    Funny! I almost fell off my chair. What a great line, hope you don't me stealing that line for my kids.

  • OnTheWayOut

    I faded because of my JW wife and mother. I suppose when my mother passes away in 20 years or more (healthy upper 60's) I could DA but I would probably be used to my fade status by then. My mother actually said she would have to support "the rules" if I were DA'ed/DF'ed.

    But I ain't fooling anyone. Like Blondie, I feel that a fade has to come to a point of total inactivity (for me anyway). I don't go to the Memorial and I haven't yet been to a funeral talk. If I can help one living person who is in my life, I would go to the funeral talk, but only for that reason. Any JW in my past or occasionally crossing my path is pretty sure I ain't ever coming back. Good riddance.

    I do understand the fader who feels he cannot cut ties with meetings altogether. I just know that would never work for me.

    If I had children being raised by me and one JW parent with JW influence in their lives, I would DA so I could freely expose them to a proper upbringing of birthdays and holidays and stuff. No child of mine would miss out on stuff because of the cult.

  • discreetslave

    As far as my letter. I gave out 30 copies after the meeting and emailed 30 more.

    When I was handing the letters out I was singing "Devil with the Blue Dress On" to myself, since I was wearing a smoking blue dress and high heels. I loved every minute of it.

  • cult classic
    cult classic

    We discontinued all Witness activity completely. Set a date and walked out the door while still in "good standing." My family has called me everything from inactive to out of the truth to apostate.

    I don't care about witness labelling at all anymore. We've discussed our reasons with family and a few witness friends who have maintained contact despite our exit. Everyone knows I'm not into conditional relationships and if they drop me in their life, so be it.

    But I'm glad the ones I care most about haven't.

    P.S. Initially my husband wanted to write a DA letter. But even if we get out those we love, we're still not writing it. We don't care what we're called in witnessworld anymore. But I understand completely the reasons for the paths many choose when exiting.

  • Babyruth

    My hubby and I have been fading for the past 11yrs. We chose to do it this way out of respect for our elderly parents. We never speak out against their faith, yet kindly listen when they want to talk.

  • leavingwt
    We chose to do it this way out of respect for our elderly parents. We never speak out against their faith, yet kindly listen when they want to talk.

    I can understand and respect this approach. Had I known exactly how my letter was going to be received -- or had I been on this Internet forum to gain more wisdom -- I would have had more options. I was following my gut and being HONEST with people.

    Being HONEST with JWs is a good way to find yourself disfellowshipped. Funny how that works.

  • factfinder

    I just stopped going to the meetings altogether. It was not planned but I had been unhappy as a witness for many years and had no friends in the cong. I had been making very few meetings by that point anyway. Nobody seemed to notice or care that I left. I did informal witnessing, however, but stopped in 2007. I had not discovered this site yet so my leaving was not really over doctrine but I felt I had wasted my life as a witness and was extremly discouraged that the new system that was "right around the corner" turned out to be right around the corner of a block that has not been created yet. And the coldness of the cong. towards me was very discouraging. I felt alone and out of place there.

    I have at times given thought to writing a letter to the elders and disassociating myself when I've been especially angry at the organization, but unless they were going to DF me it seems I would not take that step. It will be 6 years in August since I last went to any kind of meeting or to the kh and not one person from the cong ever comes by or calls me-no one ever asks why I left or tries to encourage me to come back. I don't know what has been said about me there. The only jw I ever see is a sister from another cong who works at the mall I used to work at. I was getting the mags, KM and new releases from her. She knows I gave up meetings and I told her I don't agree with the new generation teaching but she does not know what I am talking about. She misses a lot of meetings herself due to work and although she was an AP in April and got in her 30 hours she was exhausted and told me she would not do that again! I have not seen her in 2-3 months however as I feel like a hypocrite taking the mags from her ( I never make a donation) and I started to feel that the cult still has some control over me if I go get the mags from her. She does not encourage me to go back to meetings, really we have no scriptural discussions at all-she just places the mags with me- I am her RV that is all.

    My jw brother disowned me last July telling me I am "the mouthpeice of Satan" and condemning me for doing research on non jw sites, especially this one!

    I voluntarily became a witness, and I voluntarily left. So I have not chosen to DA myself.

  • no more kool aid
    no more kool aid

    Fader here, I have not been to a meeting in over 3 yrs (abrupt stop). My husband quit too but went to memorial for 2 more years, then stopped going to those too. For myself and the kids I would like to stand on the highest mountain and denounce that cult but my husband is not quite ready, so I don't mind waiting. Most JW family has stopped talking to us and the ones that do is very far and few between. We live our lives, one kid in college, other kid in sports, everyone celebrating birthdays and holidays although we don't decorate the outside of the house. I have about 400 people blocked on face book, hahaha. For anyone sitting on the fence, do what you have to do for you kids! Try to think a few years ahead. Do you want them to go to college? Do you want then to be able to date whom they please? Do you want them to have to feel lesser than at school during every holiday? Do you want them to marry in to some JW family that may end up shunning you or their own siblings? Think down the road! ...................DF wannabe.

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