To Dissassociate or just Fade into Inactivity ? Your Choice ? Reasons ?

by flipper 66 Replies latest jw friends

  • kazar

    I had disassociated myself for years - then finally was disfellowshipped. I was heartbroken at first because I still believed some of it. After years of attempting reinstatements and never making it (it seems every time I got close to reinstatement I changed my mind and did a disappearing act again) I just stayed away--amd then I found the internet and this forum was the first place I went and found. Talk about good luck! However, in reading these prior posts I suddenly realize how really fortunate I am that I have no family members or any friends who are JW or even associated with them. I think I would had to have been reinstated because of my family and then gradually fade.

  • yourmomma

    I havent set foot in a kingdom hall for 3 years, and i never will for any reason. i have no contact with any jw's except one couple who have one foot out the door.

    i dont acknowledge their authority and will not return phone calls, answer the door, etc if the elders were ever to try to contact me. i havent da'd because i have no reason to since i dont acknowledge their authority, and do not believe that God (if he exists) holds people accountable for the behavior of an organization because their names might be on the rolls, but their mind and heart are completly against it.

    but really its not a one size fits all situation, i think any of the options are good for each person. to each his own.

  • MrFreeze

    I just one day said "screw this" and told the elders I wasn't coming back.

  • mamamo

    I started to fade in 1991 but got called out by my mom who contacted the elders. So I decided I would DA. BTW I was a 25 year old virgin and planned it so my letter was in before I was no longer a virgin. I quit because I wasn't going to be a hypocrite like I had seen so many others be.

    Basically other than my father's memorial in January, I haven't been back.

  • luna2

    I had been unhappy with myself as a witness and with the WTS as a whole for many years. I wasn't born in, I was recruited in my late 20's. I've come to see that I'm the type of person who wanted to be told what god wanted from me and how he wanted it, so I fell right into the JWs. The only thing I had a really hard time with right from the beginning was going out in "service" and trying to tell other people what they should believe and that they were destined for death and destruction if they didn't become a Jehovah's Witness. That never felt right.

    I floated along, never making any real progress in the preaching work, but believing and attending meetings for about 10 years. The final 8 years, I was having more and more issues with contradictory teachings, uneven application of rules and principals based on how important a person was in the congregation, and the sheer amount of time the WTS expected you to devote to their stuff. I also didn't like the way they handled young people; how they were treated as favorite targets for the elders and constantly browbeaten to conform, but given no real encouragement or help.

    I didn't plan to fade or disassociate myself. I finally just became so depressed that I quit the ministry school, stopped going out in service at all, and began to miss most of the meetings. A few noticed and would call, but most were happy to let me go. I've written about it before, but the final straw was sitting in the back of the Hall reading a Watchtower magazine (for the first time, hadn't bothered to study) and finding that it wasn't about anything. It was all 'do whatever your conscience dictates', with one paragraph dedicated to one point of view and the following paragraph all about the opposite. I felt kind of betrayed in that I'd always gone along with their hard line views on education, recreation, work and "worldly" friendships and here they seemed to be saying that you could do whatever your conscience allowed pretty much. I felt like they didn't stand for anything any more and what with the change in the meaning of "generation", which extended the time for Armegeddon indefinitely (just as time was running out), I decided that I'd had enough. I walked out of the Hall as soon as that stupid Watchtower study was over and never went back.

    It was easy for me, though. I had no family in the religion. In fact, my family was delighted that I wasn't going any more. And its not like you have real friends as a JW. Everything is conditional. If you miss a few meetings or don't go out knocking on doors and drinking coffee with the "friends" every week, you're marked as weak and a bad associate pretty quickly and nobody wants to hang out with you anyway.

    I never sent a letter disassociating myself and was never called in front of a judicial committee. If they disassociated me, they never let me know about it. What I can't believe is that I subjected myself and my sons to that crap for so many years. What a waste.

  • daringhart13

    Every time I read a thread like this I'm just STUNNED at how many have DA's themselves, allowed shepherding calls, etc.

    These 'elders' have no power unless you give it to them.

    I faded almost 3 years ago. I'm open about how I feel if asked....just last week, I lost a friend of 34 elder....who didn't even know what "generations" was..........

    They leave me alone. I have no problem giving them a look of death if they try to approach. I also knew how EASY it would be to lose my cards.....they are floating around somewhere..... lost in a file somewhere.....

    I still have many on my Facebook.....even though they KNOW my current state. The 'elders' leave me alone......I believe mostly because of my years as an elder and the library of dirt I have on ALLLLLLL of them in the circuit.

  • Midget-Sasquatch

    Slow fade. In the early part of it, they deleted me as a ministerial servant because of poor meeting attendance and inactive field service.

    I chose this mainly to keep my immediate family talking to me. Once I was freed from the tasks of a MS, I just started moving about to make the fade even more complete but my persistent family keeps telling people where I'm at and the sheperding calls are continual.

    I may just decide to simply DA myself just to end that horrid bother.

  • wobble

    We just stopped going to the KH in spring 2008, I intended to fade, but couldn't face going to one more meeting ,ever.

    We were both inactive at the time, but as we both had parents who were jw's and in their late eighties, we decided not to DA or get DF'd, this has meant biting my tongue sometimes,but now we are off the radar, our last shepherding visit was three years ago.

    They have no power over me, I no longer care if they DF me, so say what I like now, I would not DA as they have no right to my respect.

    I am becoming an Ex XJW . Just regular Joe, a member of the public, one who is not interested in joining any religion.

  • ziddina

    I had extremely poisonous, vicious JW parents - both are in the "truth", and both were hateful and nasty towards me... I was beaten and bullied into the cult, and I hated every minute of it - and them - because they were mistreating me due to their insane notion that everything that had gone wrong in their lives, happened because I was born...

    So I DA'd. That means that they aren't supposed to talk to me - though they were still trying to maintain contact with me, until I wrote THEM a very special little letter, too...


  • sizemik

    I didn't fade, DA or DF . . . I just left . . . with my family intact, thankfully.

    We decided that the religion no longer meant anything . . . just a collection of deluded people. So we refused to "categorise" ourselves according to their rules and perceptions . . . which meant no discussions, no letters, no announcements . . . nothing from us. We've had a few visits since then . . . and have talked briefly with one close friend about our thoughts, but mostly about the weather. Whenever the subject of religion, our beliefs, what we think, will we come back? etc., is introduced I just say I have no interest in discussing it. I don't much care what they think, how they categorise me, how they behave toward me . . . I just treat them like everyone else.

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