To Dissassociate or just Fade into Inactivity ? Your Choice ? Reasons ?

by flipper 66 Replies latest jw friends

  • flipper

    This has been asked before, however I thought it may be good for newer members of the board to read some of our reasons on HOW we decided to exit the JW cult and why we decided to do it the way we did.

    First off - I have been faded for almost 8 years. Essentially I decided to fade into inactivity and not DA because I have elderly JW parents who would shun me if I did get DFed or DAed myself. Also- I like keeping open the possibilities that some of my many JW relatives may in time start doubting and have questions and reach out to me in my inactive state. I feel I'm more able to assist them in a fading state than DFed or DAed because of the WT society telling them to avoid me if I was in a DFed state. They wouldn' listen at all to me if I was in that state.

    I consider myself a non-Witness and conduct my life as such , but just sit in waiting like my older son does - hoping like him that some of our JW family in time will start questioning things. So have you folks faded or are you DFEd, or DAed and what led to your decision to remain such ? As always I look forward to your takes and observations. Peace out to all, Mr. Flipper

  • minimus

    Flipper, I'm with you.

    I wouldn't disassociate simply because it would mean I have accepted their terms and consequences. Someday, I hope that their could be a legal problem for disfellowshipping people whereas if I decided to quit, I'd have no legal recourse.

  • leavingwt

    I ripped the Band Aid off in one clean motion, by writing them a letter to inform them that I'm an Apostate. Best thing I ever did.

    Your mileage may vary.

  • leavingwt

    Flipper: If you want to maintain contact with your JW family, you did the right thing.

    Minimus: Please let us know how your legal action against the WT goes.

  • minimus

    JT, an excellent poster from yesteryear made some great points about this. I will try to find his thread and resurrect it.

  • Reopened Mind
    Reopened Mind


    I am not disfellowshipped nor have I taken the formal step of writing a letter of disassociation. The Memorial in April was the last meeting TotallyADD and I attended, that being in a KH an hour away with our son, his wife, and his children. Then we moved a thousand miles away with the purpose of fading. TotallyADD had our publisher cards sent to a nearby congregation where we have not shown up, neither has anyone come inquiring of us. We don't know if any action has been taken in absentia.

    I've had my moments when I just wanted to write a letter saying I was no longer a JW, but refrained for the sake of our children and grandchildren. So here we are in spiritual limbo, not in, not officially out.

    If I could make a choice without consequences to my family I would definitely make a clean break. But the cult controls our minds, our lives, our emotions. Our lives will always be stained from our association with the WT.

    I, like you flipper, consider myself a non-Witness and am learning how to conduct my life as such.

    Reopened Mind

  • No Room For George
    No Room For George

    I'm still pretty active, and it appears its going to be that way for at least the forseeable future. If and when I do decide to make my move, it will be to fade into inactivity. I've got significant family in this religion, particulary parents who are up in years, and knowing them like I do, for me to Disassociate would kill them, literally as in they'd die of a stroke or a heart attack. Twasn't for them, this religion would have been history to me about a year ago.

  • minimus


  • leavingwt

    minimus: I read that thread. Interesting stuff.

    So for me I would not give them the Legal Document in THIER hand that "Could" prevent me from at a Future time SUING them SUCCESSFULLY-

    I can definitely say that I have zero interest in suing the WT. I wonder what JT decided to do?

  • breakfast of champions
    breakfast of champions

    Slow and steady, steady and slow...

    That's how my fade is going. At this point, my life is far too intertwined with my JW family to do anything but slow fade. Plus, my feeling about writing a letter of DA is that you are playing by 'their rules' which are, in fact, imaginary.

    The good news... In a tense conversation with my wife a few weeks ago, she admitted that she found FS difficult since half the stuff we are taught is pure nonsense that she does not believe at all and how can you teach this junk to someone else. She also said she isn't ready to just 'throw it all away.' What this says to me is though she still wants to believe in the whole beautiful paradise earth myth, she KNOWS something is wrong, but is not ready to know 'the truth.' I'm fine with that. It will just take time.

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