To Dissassociate or just Fade into Inactivity ? Your Choice ? Reasons ?

by flipper 66 Replies latest jw friends

  • minimus

    I think JT just moved on and made a success of his life.

    JT was one of the sharpest coolest guys on this board (other than you and me, of course).

  • diamondiiz

    I DA myself for a couple reasons. The main one was when I got recruited they wanted me to write a letter to RC church and get my name off of their list before I got dunked and became a JW. Since, I've done that I wanted to do the same thing to wts. The second reason, I wanted to know who would accept my decision for what it was and not have fake friends only because I was a dub. Maybe that's selfish of me, but my view is that if I get shunned these people can go and fuck themselves, I would care less if they leave the cult or not. I have no use for them nor would I help them if the need arose and this includes my inlaws. Thus far, the inlaws still talk to me but I've lost all other contacts and that's alright by me since I rather have no friends than fake friends. That's just me though.

  • leavingwt
    I think JT just moved on and made a success of his life.

    Excellent. I think a person can get to that point, no matter how they exit. It's not usually easy, but it's worth it.

  • nugget

    We started off fading to preserve family relationships and to prevent our children from experiencing the pain of shunning. We then realised that this put a strain in the children who had to dodge questions about why we no longer went to meetings and having to hide what was happening. When the elders confronted us about our internet posts we decided enough was enough. Our children needed to be free to live happy complete lives and as a result we told the elders they should do as they felt right we wanted nothing to do with it.

    We are probably Df'd we refused to speak to them or open their letters they are nothing to do with us now and we are happier and healthier for it.

  • blondie

    I never considered da'ing unless df'ing were on the horizon. Then I would have my letter posted in the local paper for all to read; not send it to the elders who would never read it. No pearls before swine.

    I have successfully faded into "inactivity" the last ten years. I don't debate the "truth" with family or jws. I had to see it myself to get it, someone telling me it was wrong would never have worked. The unloving actions of the elders, my jw family, and others in the congregation convinced me and the easily seen lies of the WTS I found in my own research.

    I do not try to humor my jw family by going to the "memorial" or "funerals." I figure the dead person won't benefit and I certainly don't need to be in an enclosed space listening to the jw infomercial. (With the WT and my comments I can stop reading any time, in small doses, with no jw intonations. No one coming up to say, "I missed you" when they have my phone number and address and have neither called or sent a card for 10 years.)

    This has worked for me; I do not presume to say what works for others. But, I would try fading first for a couple of months and if it is not working for you you can still da. It is just hard to da and then wish you had faded to keep contact with family.

    Blondie (ten happy years and counting)

  • Quendi

    I was disfellowshipped and spent the next five years in fruitless and frustrating efforts to get reinstated. By that time, I had come to realize that the religion was a cult and no longer worth my aid, strength, and support. I ended all communication with my judicial committee, but I still maintain contact with those Witnesses who refused to shun me. Now that I'm out, I feel much better and am rebuilding my life.


  • discreetslave

    I wanted to fade but us being an exemplary family would make that hard.

    I thought about keeping status quo. & not placing lit. and planting seeds of doubt.

    My husbands knee jerk reaction to call the elders again re more questions and doubts scared me into thinking his awakening is going to take too long if ever. The elders visit that night sealed the deal. I needed to cut out the infection. I was afraid of becoming depressed and irritable again. Plus my conscience couldn't live a lie. I figured my being out could save my kids. Give them a chance to think hey what about mommy's way. As far as my husband I hope he can be won without a word or not too many words.

    DA for me was best. I didn't want to be df'd because I did nothing wrong in examining my beliefs. The freedom I have to associate with whoever I like and not be confined is great. No more door to door or meetings!!!! I do informal anti-witnessing, so far good results. I enjoy family worship so I asked if I could sit in and my husband said fine as long as I'm silent. Yesterday when we were talking he gave me a flicker of hope. So maybe ripping off the band aid is a wake up call for him. He admitted he can't reconcile my change for the better with leaving. It shouldn't be that way he said. Then he said either your callous or you may have a point.

    Each of us has to do what is best for us.

  • leavingwt


    I never considered da'ing unless df'ing were on the horizon.

    Let me be very clear. Had I not DA'd myself, they would have most certainly DF'd me. Why? Because I was intent on telling everyone what a sorry sack of _____ the WT organization really is. Further, I was going to live my life as a free man, in public. Without question, I would have been DF'd, for any number of reasons, including: violation of Christian neutraily (voting), practicing false religion (Christmas) and apostasy.

    The very best thing about writing a letter is I haven't seen a single JW on my property, nor have any of them ever called me on the phone. WT disappeared. My kids don't even know what a Kingdom Hall is. When we pass by the local KH in our car, I point and tell the kids, "Look kids! There's the School for the Blind."

  • Botzwana

    I am still in fade mode. Living in Mexico I had to leave certain things to a brother in Georgia that I still want. Until I can leave this hell hole I will continue to lie and say I go.

  • discreetslave

    When everyone started asking me why am I doing this take back the letter, I said I was going to be df'd anyway. After that 2nd elders meeting there was no way I was going to shut up and eat the slop. I no longer believed it was "the truth". So I decided to take the power back they had sapped from me and cut them out.

    @ LeavingWt "Look kids! There's the School for the Blind." I'm ROTFL

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