my life... well the first part at least

by Found Sheep 134 Replies latest members private

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  ABibleStudent

  Found Sheep - sorry just a bit sensative! I feel like everyone should hate me!

  Hugs Found Sheep. Why should anyone hate you? Do you hate yourself? Found Sheep you are a good person with the rest of your life to look forward to living, dancing, laughing, and enjoying. From your post you didn't do anything wrong. Your husband did not show you love (nor love for himself). I do not know whether you believe in christianity. I do believe that your husband did not love you enough to sacrifice himself for you (Ephesians 5:25-33).

  Ephesians 5:25-33 (NIV 2008) 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing [b] her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” [c] 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

  Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,

  ABibleStudent
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  Retrovirus

  Raveen, thank you for sharing your story!

  You are a courageous and honest lady!
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  spaceinvader

  Found Sheep - there are few things more powerful and liberating than to "expose" our personal "shames." Such dark secrets fuel the negativity and self-hate that keep far too many trapped in dysfunctional patterns in our lives. There is no doubt that almost always our own judgements of our "horrible" selves are more severe than most others' evaluations of us, because we all battle our own demons. Your courage and honesty are not only admirable, they will inevitably empower other people here who are following your story to step out of their own shames, and most importantly, they will further you on your path to health and freedom. What you are sharing here is a true gift... :)
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  Found Sheep

  I've come a long way dealing with my self shame. Just exposing myself brought up some left overs. Thanks for the suport and love!
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  snowbird

  Found Sheep....I suspect you were referring to snowbird's "reading and weeping" comment. Terry would appreciate the pithiness...but definitely NOT sarcasm. Not snowbird's style. Just a misunderstanding.

  Thanks for the vote, Unshackled.

  Found Sheep, honey child, Baby Girl, I would never make light of anyone's pain.

  I've been through - am still in - too much myself.

  You are commendably brave for opening up like that.

  Peace and lots of love and understanding.

  Syl
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  Found Sheep

  NOT MAD AT ANYONE! I love your comments!

  I was just raw for a moment!

  Let me keep going it does get better!
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  Found Sheep

  Keep in mind I still believed it was the "truth"

  After the second three hour JC they decided to publicly "humiliate" reprove me. No privledges except FS? and the one elder I still like was going to "study" we me, with his wife. (fear I may suduce him?)

  LM kept asking details about my relationship and I didn't feel like it was any of his business. Even at the JC they didn't ask much just when it started, ended. LM I think wanted to keep control over me. After doing some digging he thought he had more info to tell the elders. This led to my third JC - this time I told LM NOT to come or I won't go. They asked a few questions, nothing I remember but in the end didn't think they needed any thing else. They said the book is closed with that and they will never ask if I don't want to tell.

  By this point I was so exhausted I couldn't think. I went to the meeting they "reproved" me in. The local needs was all about childhood problems that can result in adult problems... and a little on King David...

  The reactions were intense. You would think being reproved vs DF would have been a blessing. The one big problem was they were able to tell me what they thought of me! I was treated like I had leporsey! Some would run the other way when they saw me. then I had a few that asked why it took me so long.
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  dgp

  My sympathy.
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  Found Sheep

  shoot just wrote it all out and it went away...

  one story that made me later think-

  There were three elders left in the congregation afer my JC. LM steped down and the elder that hit on me was Privately reproved.

  One of the three elders is Otis. He is a WV graduated 8th grade. He is a great person. Although he let his 12 year old daughter die because of the no organ transplant rule in the 70's and shuns his son because he is df'ed. LM and I became adopted by them.

  So here I am during the three worse months of my adult life. I did my best to make all the meetings. I'm in Otis's home, a guess in his home. He will not even LOOK at me! He is one of the elders trying to solve my problem and HE DIDn't LOOK at me. No one talked to me! no one glanced over and smiled or hugged me! I wasn't DF! I was in need of love!

  I went home, not my home since I was living with TBA (to be apostate family) and cried and cried all night because Otis no longer loved me!
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  Morbidzbaby

  As someone who came from a loveless JW marriage, I can understand the justification of cheating...I did it myself. Sometimes you feel so numb and angry, and all it takes is ONE PERSON of the opposite sex to pay attention to you, to SEE you, to show you they care and take an interest. I know for me, it started with just friendship. He was someone I could talk to because my husband sure as hell didn't talk TO me or let me talk (he monologued all the time, so he was pretty much talking AT me). He made me laugh, he understood my humor, he let me vent when I needed to...and then he told me he loved me, which I was so used to NOT hearing. He accepted me for who I was and was there for me. At first it was just a verbal and emotional relationship and it was all online and over the phone. Once I separated from my ex husband, it became physical.

  I don't hate you or think badly of you because of what you did...If I did, I'd be a hypocrite. I felt badly at first about it, but honestly if these JW men want to take their bible so seriously, they need to understand that their treatment of their wives can and does make them a subject for adultery. There is equal blame to be had.