by Found Sheep 134 Replies latest members private
Snowbird - I'm trying must say purging here is so so much healthier then to the elders
Aaron Eldridge Desilusionness and Broken Promises - lots of messes along the way but yes oh so happy now. Thank you for reading my story! I know I would have stoped at the first post if I didn't get nudges. It means a lot being I'm telling my life
Desilusionness I loved avitar!
I have a long ride home and was trying to remember what my mind was like before the light went on.
When I was in NC, not with my brother, I was able to think. I knew no one and that was what I needed. I spent the evenings thinking. I had no TV or internet.
One big thought I had was getting over "elder God syndrome"
First, I went step by step in my life to figure out how I get here. Was it my childhood, Mom left me, Dad Alcoholic, abuse, my ex-husband? It was as if I was trying to explain why I was such a bad person. In the process i realized I wasn't, I wasn't a bad person.
I started to change how I looked at it. It wasn't what did I do wrong, more what I rose above. That is when I had the revelation that elders are not God. I remembered every elder that made a mark in my life. They are so not perfect! Two married Elders were sexualy innapropriate with me. Then I remembered how many were alcoholics, negected there families, controlling, narcistic...
I remembered my Otis story. How I went to bed heart broken. Then I thought - What !!!
I was going through by far the worse two months of my adult life! He was one of three elders in the hall that should have been trying to make my "situation" better. I was a guest, a GUEST in his home and He would not even LOOK at me!
Where in the bible does Jesus show THAT action to be sheparding!?
Yes I discovered Elders were not God's special people
They try to have it both ways. "The brothers are just imperfect men... but you'd better do EXACTLY what they say!" That kind of corrupting power goes all the way to the top.
My self esteam started to grow. I wasn't constantlly being beat down at meetings, I wasn't getting that "so dissapointed in you" look from the JW's. I was working and supporting myself after loosing everything I owned to the LM. In only three months I was able to get my feet on the ground. I even had some friendships from work.
My three moths were up and I was offered to keep the job permanently. I tossed the idea around for a while but decided to go back to WV to Ahab. I still had JW thinking and told him if I came back we would have to marry right away. Sure he was a bit confused, I was willing to have an affair and now after my confession, I wouldn't get together unless we were married. I just NEVER wanted to have another JC! I promissed myself I would NEVER violate myself that way again.
We didn't want the whole world to know we got married, but before we got back from our honeymoon everyone knew. I was told all the JW's were dissapointed in me again. His ex was quite pissed too, not that I blame her. She started a rumor that they weren't divorced. She thought they still had papers to sign and she was going to refuse to sign them for a while. Truth was they were divorced.
Wes The Ass, an elder in my hall at the time, heard about it and wanted to make a JC over it. He even went to the court house and got a copy of there divorce papers as proof. There was no proof, they were dovorce! I refused to meet with them and told the Dave, a good elder, that it was a rumor and not true.
I contacted a lawyer and explained the situation just to make sure it wasn't true. He reasured me that they were divorced before me married.
At this time Wes The Ass wrote the GB to see if they should continue with a JC. This took months for a reply. During this time I started to wake up. I was so hurt! I didn't understand the reasoning behind such a bogus reason to DF me.
I was watching a gold fish pond, as my husband had job interview. For an hour I watched these fish swim, and it hit me. There is no possable way the God that made these fish would want me to die at the big A because of a rumor. It made me think that there is a major problem with this religion.
I joined this site and a few others. I was a dry sponge soaking up all the information I could. I spent hours at a time reading stories and learning the real "truth" I read on this site to read Crisis of Conscience and Steve hansons books.
I couldn't put them down untill I read them from cover to cover. When I was half was through Crisis of Conscience I looked up at Ahab and said "they are wrong, JW are not God's chosen people" The grin on his face was priceless.
I went to the next step half way through Steve Hansons book and looked up and said "JW are a cult" Same great grin.
The GB wrote back and yes, they said there was enough proof to have a JC. For the sake of the reputation in the community...
I contaced two more lawyers and made sure there wasn't anything to there accusations. I even had one lawyer agree I had a case against them, for slander. I decided if they persued it I would sue them. Dave some how stalled them for two years. Yes two years after we were married Wes The Ass and the new CO show up at my house looking for me. I wasn't home and Ahab said I wouldn't be home till Monday.
When Ahab first told me they were looking for me I got so angry! I thought of all the things I was going to say to them. Monday came around and I knew they would show up. It was Wes The Ass and Otis. I opened the door and when I saw how pathetic they looked I didn't say anything. They were smiling and said "Hi Raveen it is good to see you..." I had a straight face NO SMILE and just looked at them and didn't say a peep. Wes The Ass then said "uhh we are here to invite you to a meeting..... a JC concerning your marriage"
I SLAMMED THE DOOR IN THERE FACES!
At first I thought well it's over. They will now DF me without me. The next day after going for a jog with Ahab I started to panic. I NEVER wanted them to come to my house again. I decided to write on a sticky note "I no longer want to be known as One of Jehovah's Witnesses, sincerlly Raveen" We drove up the the KH and I put it in the door. There were a lot of cars in the parking lot, from people in FS and I was hoping a "publisher" would be the first to see it not an elder. I got my wish as the news quickly spread. I wanted them to know I didn't want to be part of the cult, not that I got kicked out!
I thought about suing but by this time I was over it. I just didn't want them in my life anymore!
Exaclt Billy the EX-Bethelite!
Now I see it as "cult" control! and control they Do!
Good for you Found Sheep! My story is unfolding as we speak. I'm just now starting to feel the heat from family and elders, a year after leaving. We'll see how it goes. Your story is definitely an inspiration!
And thank God for Ahab! Your knight in shining armor!
I had an air mattress one pot, fork, knife and 4 wine glasses. What else does a woman need!
That was my favorite line...until this one...
I SLAMMED THE DOOR IN THERE FACES!
Iconoclas - I hope hearing there is a good ending any time someone gets out helps! You can do it!
Unshackled - It sure did feel great!
One good update I left out. The family that I stayed with when I first left are now OUT!
Some in the congregation thought it was because of the way I was treated. Fact is, after reading CoC I just had to share. I gave them the book and that was it. Three more JW's saw the light. They saved me - then I saved them. Real friendship.
We are happily married. Looking back if I didn't get out not sure it would have worked. I'm treated like a partner not a "lesser one", he loves my silly side, he loves me for me. I no longer have to be someone I'm not. If I get drunk, he helps me to bed. When I get silly, he smiles. If I dress to show I'm a woman, he's proud to be with me. Some days I feel like an 18 year old, learning things for the first time. I get so excited about birthdays, holidays, voting...
I've made some friends, but it has been slow. I had to get JW thinking out of my head to loosen up.
The hardest thing to replace was my hairdresser. She is a JW. I found one I like about two months ago. Now the only thing I miss is my Brother.
My brother has disowned me. That can make me sad, and was the one reason i didn't want to be DF. I've learned that the problem is HIS and I'll be here if he ever changes, but I need to live.
Life is GOOD! I'm known as the "happy" person at work.
Thank everyone for reading my story! If you have any questions I'd be happy to answer!
Love and Peace to each and every one of you!
Fact is, after reading CoC I just had to share. I gave them the book and that was it. Three more JW's saw the light. They saved me - then I saved them. Real friendship.
I have done this too! The only thing is, my best friend won't read it yet. She says she's not ready and asked me not to judge her for it. I promised her that I would never do such a thing. If JW's are something that she needs to get by, I would never judge her for that. It would make me no better than them.
Then she asked me not to get DF'ed. I told her that I couldn't promise that since I am now attending an Episcopalian Church.
Dear Raveen,
Your story is so very moving. You have endured all manners of pain, insecurity and absurdity and oh yes the all the while swallowing a near fatal dose of toxic religion all the while. I will never complain about anything again. How you were able to do that and come out on the other end such a lovely and endearing person is a wonderment to me.
J
