A polite way to ask someone to keep their hands to themselves...

by White Dove 91 Replies latest social relationships

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  jgnat

  White Dove, I'm glad you brought this up. I hate being touched without permission, which my children know very well. They grin when they see some well-meaning "sister" approaching me with her bear paws stretched wide. I get touched a lot at the Kingdom Hall, too, which I interpret as some sort of talisman. Like their superficial intimacy will charm me in to submission or something. I hate it.

  At the Kingdom Hall, I take my time sitting down, so I can back up quickly if someone invades my personal space, just as you did. The SECOND attempt would get a verbal warning.

  This has had limited success. I've told an aggressive toucher at my church that I don't want to be hugged. She has taken this as a challenge and goes out of her way to poke me or slap me on the arm. (wince)

  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eTQY1Aw9zcs

  Don't get me wrong, I like to hug...with meaning. None of this random acts of touching stuff.
• 

  White Dove

  JGnat,

  He is quite a piece of work, isn't he?

  That was disrespectful, in my book.

  I don't care the level of authority I may have, I'd never touch an official.

  Bush has a pair, huh?

  Talesin,

  You have a PM :D
• 

  jgnat

  The German Chancellor and the President of the United States are peers. Though I am sure, from the Chancellor's point of view, he's somewhat lower than that.
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  Terra Incognita

  Carry this picture in your purse at all times. Then when he touches you show it to him.

  
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  blondie

  You have the right to determine your boundaries. People who go beyond those after being asked nicely but firmly are being abusive. Be specific and if possible have a good friend there to witness your request. A brother should not be touching any woman except his wife, especially if he has been asked not to by another woman. Touching after that becomes sexual harassment. There was an elder in our congregation that felt up all the young single sisters but they were afraid to say anything. He did so others did not see. He tried to add me to his "harem" and I quietly broke his finger without anyone seeing. (Do not piss off Blondie) He made no accusations and kept his distance from us after that.

  
• 

  aSphereisnotaCircle

  many women struggle with this issue, especially those of us who were taught to be 'nice' at the expense of our own personhood. It's a VALID QUESTION.

  I agree, us females that were rasied to be meek and submissive can have a very hard time standing up for ourselves.

  It's easy to make excuses, "hes just being nice" "hes a touchy feelie type person" "he didnt mean anything by it" "he thinks of you like a daughter" etc.

  In the last hall i was in there was a touchy feelie brother that had all the sisters upset. Do you think any of them told him to keep his hands off? No, of course not, sisters dont tell brothers what to do. They either complained to their husbands or to the elders and the elders had to tell him to stop it.

  How effed up is that? Grown women did not feel they had the right to tell this guy "hands off" Talk about dysfunctional!
• 

  Nathan Natas

  The guy is trying to "play" you using techniques from NLP and/or SpeedSeduction (google each).

  A polite way to get the message to him is to grab one of his pinky fingers and snap it back, breaking it. Then whisper in his ear, "STOP TOUCHING ME."
• 

  mrsjones5

  I stepped away after he attempted to caress my hamstrings on one leg.

  Wow, where have I been? I missed this whole thread. Sounds to me like the older gentleman is interested in you. You have every right to tell him to back off. Polite or not the gentleman may not be too happy about it but that's not your problem, he's a grown man he can take it and I bet you aren't the first to tell him hands off and you won't be the last.

  Boundries, boundries, boundries.
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  EntirelyPossible

  When you have a question about social issues, who do you ask?

  People.

  If a situation is new to you and you wonder how to handle it, who do you go to for ideas and advice?

  People.

  Who'd you go to when you were newely out of the control of the WTS?

  I was never newly out of control of the WTS.

  You two obviously know better places and people than this board.

  I do? I surely haven't suggested such a thing. Why would you denigrate the fine people on this forum that way?

  Obviously, you two don't believe that questions of such nature are appropriate here.

  Hmmm....not sure how you could know that since I never said it. Perhaps you might try dealing your issues rather than projecting them on me.

  I suggest these folks just refrain from clicking on your threads if they are not interested in being supportive.

  As I have said before, being supportive doesn't necessarily mean telling someone what they want to hear. For instance, I suggest you just refrain from reading posts if you are not interested in supporting me.
• 

  White Dove

  NotVeryLikely/EntirelyPossible,

  I'd be thrilled to shake your hand if we ever meet up at an Apostafest.

  My goodness, I just can't wait to meet you!