by White Dove 91 Replies latest social relationships
If you're looking for a polite way, you could just take his and when he touches you and move it back to him and let go. If it's innocent chances are he'll appologize. If it isn't, then he should get the message that he's crossed over a line.
If he continues, the next time you take his hand, make eye contact and say something like "I don't like being touched".
You were an asshole to me with all of your smart ass and sarcastic comments. You weren't blunt or to the point. You were RUDE!
I was sarcastic and smart ass. I wasn't an asshole to you, however. I wasn't rude. If you go back and read your threads (which I strongly suggest you do) the common victim theme running through them is that someone ELSE is always doing something wrong to you. Asking for sex in a park when all they said was to go for a walk, betrayed by friends, only sleazeballs want to date you, someone is mad at you and you did nothing wrong and can't figure out why, etc., etc. It goes on and on and on and on.
If you felt that I was being and asshole and rude to you before, then suck it up. Let me be what you accuse me of not being before, blunt and direct.
You don't want help, you want affirmation that it's not your fault. In all of those threads, when anyone questions your interpretation of events, you flip out. You want to be told that you are right. Poor you with all these rapists and sleazeballs and betraying friends. If that's the kind of people that keep showing up in your life, they aren't the problem. Look in a mirror.
I say this to help you. You have a pattern that keeps repeating itself and you keep doing the same things over and over. The people you deal with and the way you handle them will not change until YOU do.
You can call it being an asshole, you can call it being rude, I really don't care. Emotionally and intellectually it's about the same level as my 11 year old telling me he hates me because I won't let him have a facebook account yet.
Sorry you feel trampled on, but really, I only tell you this for your own good. Take a long hard think about things.
@ WD
In my faraway land, touching a person when they have told you not to, is considered a 'common assault'. Yes, that is the LAW.
Cultural differences can be an issue, but anyone who comes to THIS country needs to learn fast that women have the right to say "HANDS OFF", and anyone who is born in this country knows bloody well ---- no touching unless invited.
Copping a feel is usually tried by randy teenagers, those who are experiencing arrested development, or, well just plain disrespectful of women in general.
t
*no one touches me unless they are invited* klass
In my faraway land, touching a person when they have told you not to, is considered a 'common assault'. Yes, that is the LAW.
Very true. In this scenario, however, no one was told to stop. Also, what you described generally isn't considered "common assault". Assault generally required intent or attempt to harm. You may be thinking of battery.
Cultural differences can be an issue, but anyone who comes to THIS country needs to learn fast that women have the right to say "HANDS OFF", and anyone who is born in this country knows bloody well ---- no touching unless invited.
That's great except my example didn't involve women or hands, but rather the concept of personal space in general. And there are differences withing countries. Within the same state or province, in fact. Within neighborhoods. There is no common univeral national, regional or local ethic that applies.
Copping a feel is usually tried by randy teenagers, those who are experiencing arrested development, or, well just plain disrespectful of women in general.
I know. Girls never have those dirty sexual thoughts or touch a man. And you forgot drunks.
and this might sound crazy, but you could politely ask him to not do that in private.
I agree. If he lives next to you there is no reason to make things uncomfortable by a public confrontation. Give him the benefit of the doubt the first time, and politely conveying to him your boundaries. You can be powerful and in control, yet repectful, and hopefully he will get the message. If the behaviour continues, then you know what sort of person he is and have every right to embarrass him in public.
EP,
Oh, you know what?
You are right.
I sooo do not want your brand of "help."
I don't have any problems.
The ones on those threads don't exist anymore, thanks to the fantastic advice and ideas provided by the posters on this board.
Things happen and I deal with them, like everyone else, and I prefer to handle them with grace.
I'm blessed.
Talesin,
You are so right. I'm a non-toucher because I worry how others might react to it.
You just provided an example where I'm doing the right thing by not imposing touching without being invited, I mean unwanted hugs.
After a while of knowing someone, I like a hug or arm around me, but not the required kind of hug when leaving. I hate those fake ones.
Even then, I'd have a hard time making a scene.
I'm not a scene kind of person.
I was kidding about using mutilation tactics, of course.
Let's keep this thread going so Entirelypossible can't get his work done, lol.
You are right.
Thanks!
I sooo do not want your brand of "help."
Children don't want bedtimes or to eat their veggies either. And it's not so much a brand as "you don't like what you hear", which, of course, in no way changes the truthfulness of any of it.
I don't have any problems.
Right, because not knowing how to ask a 60 year old man to not touch you is ... an asset?
The ones on those threads don't exist anymore, thanks to the fantastic advice and ideas provided by the posters on this board.
Yet somehow these people, through no fault of your own, keep finding their way into your life. I'll tell you the same thing I told my friend when, after his third divorce, complained he couldn't find a good woman, maybe, just maybe THEY aren't the problem. Something to think about.
Things happen and I deal with them, like everyone else, and I prefer to handle them with grace.
You may feel free to re-write history any way you wish. The way you handle people that disagree with you on this board show a distinct lack of grace. It takes no grace or tact whatsoever to deal with people telling what you want to hear. If the other situations that show your true mettle.
I'm blessed.
Being "blessed" is like being lucky. Generally you make your own of both.
I was kidding about using mutilation tactics, of course.
Mutilation jokes, tact and grace. Which of these things is not like the other things?
Sometimes asking a mutual friend/acquaintance to mediate is a good idea. In this situation, a male would probably be the way to go, so as not to completely humiliate the old geezer. Maybe he's a pervert with very high hopes for a long-shot bet or maybe he just comes from a different culture or upbringing than you. If he gets defensive or it doesn't work, then he's just an obnoxious sleezebag who needs to be taught a lesson.
An ex-buddy (a totally creepy slimeball, by all rights) and I used to frequent an establishment. There were a couple of attractive women working there and he took a shine to one of them. She was completely out of his league just in having a full set of teeth, so it was hopeless. He was persistent, though; so much that one time we went in, her manager (whom we had chatted with on occasion) took him aside and asked him to back off or he was going to ban him from the place. Since he'd never said or done anything frightening or disrespectful (just weird and insulting, believing he had a chance) he only got a warning. It was all he needed and he chilled out.
Some guys are unaware, while others are playing the numbers. Relying on the vast majority of people being uncomfortable with confrontation, they feel there's little or no risk and the payoff of landing a pretty young thing is worth it. If the old guy is just being nice and he's oblivious, you might look like a psycho if you snap on him for touching your arm as though you caught him hiding in your closet, whacking off with a pair of your panties on his head. Keeping a cool head, making an honest assessment of the situation, and sending a 3rd party as a liaison could make sure things are handled in a reasonable and sensible manner.
I know many women in Western societies will find this next potential scenario totally impossible, but I'll throw it out there anyway. There exist cases where the woman is just looking for something to piss her off and is hyper-sensitive to everything. I don't know the situation and haven't heard anything but your version of events, or maybe your life experience gives you excellent reasons for very certain personal-space boundaries. But I've been on the wrong side of a woman's seething tirade and I'll tell you one thing: The first thing to suffer in those situations is the truth.
That's great except my example didn't involve women or hands, but rather the concept of personal space in general.
Off-topic
Also, what you described generally isn't considered "common assault"
Wrong
I know. Girls never have those dirty sexual thoughts or touch a man. And you forgot drunks.
Sarcasm, vs valid debating point
This is just too easy.
t
