A polite way to ask someone to keep their hands to themselves...

by White Dove 91 Replies latest social relationships

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  White Dove

  Luo,

  You and a couple of others gave me what I needed. It was a sound idea, and I really appreciate it.

  I based my question also on what my dad said along time ago.

  "Men have feelings, too, and women should be nice about turning them down for dates and things like that."

  I took it to heart and try to be careful to not hurt anyone's feelings.

  I love my dad, and I imagine that other men can hurt just like he can.

  I never noticed your lack of tact in your other posts.

  My last comment on that last post was not directed at you.

  Oh, and before I take my leave, all those other LIFE threads come from being around people all day, day in and day out, at work and at home (tenants all know each other and get together frequently for BBQ's and such).

  I'm a people person, not a homebody. I'm naturally going to have socially alive issues to deal with and may need help in understanding and dealing with them.

  THAT IS NOT A CRIME NOR AN INDICATION THAT I'M A HORRIBLE PERSON!

  I've stated that ad infinitum all over those threads.

  If people don't have helpful and tactful things to say on my threads, why bother reading and posting?
• 

  Snoozy

  Actually I think this is the classiest answer,

  and this might sound crazy, but you could politely ask him to not do that in private. I know, it's a bold and risky plan, but it just might work

  I actually know of guys that get turned on by threatning to break their finger/hand if they put it on your leg...

  Snoozy
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  EntirelyPossible

  Some people on this board would do well in asking a better way of saying things to people, because tact is not something you stick on a cork board.

  No, it isn't. Sometimes tact is pulling someone aside for a private conversation, sometimes it's being blunt and direct. Depends on the situation. I daresay we could ALL use more tact at times as not a one of us is perfect.

  My last comment on that last post was not directed at you.

  As I said, we all need to take a good long look in the mirror. I was blunt and direct on purpose. The world needs hammers as well as scalpels. The value is in knowing how to figure out which is the right tool.

  I actually know of guys that get turned on by threatning to break their finger/hand if they put it on your leg...

  I know, I usually have to pay extra for that.
• 

  White Dove

  I don't believe that sarcasm is necessary in giving an idea.

  I had no plan to harm or embarrass anyone. Period.

  Does anyone get that?
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  EntirelyPossible

  I had no plan to harm or embarrass anyone. Period.

  Does anyone get that?

  We get it. why do you think we don't?
• 

  talesin

  WD, it's entirely possible that you are letting someone who enjoys getting off on tying people in knots, yank your chain.

  You had an extremely valid question, and need not be personally attacked for looking to the board for advice on handling a sticky situation.

  Many of us (women) have a hard time learning how to assert ourselves after having left the b'Org.

  t
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  EntirelyPossible

  You had an extremely valid question, and need not be personally attacked for looking to the board for advice on handling a sticky situation.

  She hasn't been personally attacked in the least. And the situation wasn't sticky. She's a grown woman with two grown children. She should have at least 18 years of experience telling people to stop doing things.
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  Band on the Run

  The post about respecting the vibes you are getting summed it up perfectly. This is what rape victims told me. Incest victims are raped at a higher percentage than nonincest victims. No one knows why but one theory is that your early warning system is taking out. We can post detailed plans but no one has the knowledge of the situation at the moment in time as much as the woman does. This is why there is no rape protocol.

  I thought it was sexual touching. Personally, I hate huggers who are not family members or close friends. Casual acquaintances will leap up and say they need a hug and unbidden embrace me. I need a way to stop it tactfully. People have critiqued the stiffness of my body. My children and hubby are free to hug me. This is so common there should be some ethics about it.
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  White Dove

  My neighbor is not a child and I am not his mommy. He's close to senior citizen age.

  He's a nice man who deserves to be told to knock it off in a polite way.

  I actually studied rape victims (have a college degree in criminal justice) and, yes, incest victims do get raped more than non-incest victims.

  I believe it is because they are groomed by their molester to believe they deserve no less than bad treatment and also that the warning system has been damaged.

  They also go on to become prostitutes more often than non-victims because it's what they know and they have been groomed/trained to be very good at it.

  Sad beyond words.

  Yeah, I know that I do recognize a good chain pulling way too late in the game. Darn it!

  Here's my reply to that chain pulling:

  Entirely Possible,

  You were an asshole to me with all of your smart ass and sarcastic comments. You weren't blunt or to the point. You were RUDE!
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  EntirelyPossible

  This is so common there should be some ethics about it.

  From my experience in the US, South America, Eastern Europe and the UK, the ideas about touching and personal space seem to be LARGELY a cultural thing. That is to say, there ARE ethics about it, but the vary from region to region. For instance, when I was in Eastern Europe, it was very common for a man, when talking to me, to sit so close that our legs were touching. Weird? By traditional US standards, yes, but they often lived 5 people to a 700 sq. ft. apartment. There was no concept of personal space, no one grew up with it and no one had it.

  Just an example.