Progress ( I think? ) in helping my wife to see the "truth"

by stuckinamovement 93 Replies latest members private

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  stuckinamovement

  As a follow up, my lovely wife now as of this week openly talks with me about what would happen if we "both" were disfellowshipped for apostasy. We have resolve to fade away, keep our friends and family and attend the occasional meeting. We are keeping our traps shut to any family or friends though.

  We have missed alot of meetings lately due to the "kids being sick". One elder has called and asked if he could come over for a visit, we said sure we then talked together about what we will say in response. The visit still has not happened. When asked what our reason for slowing down is the response will be that we are discouraged and depressed.

  This is a good feeling to be marching towards the door hand in hand with my wife. She will at least daily talk about how hypocritical the org is and has taken a harder stance on some issues than even I have.

  I will keep you posted. For those out there who have spouses who are still in. Be patient and give it time. with the right approach they will come along.

  SIAM
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  stuckinamovement

  Holy crap, several days ago my dear wife said to me with tremendous sadness in her voice......." I am beginning to think that all religion is a scam."

  Honestly it is scaring me to death to observe someone going through the same transformation as myself. It is one thing to feel a hole ripped inside of youself, but it is a whole other thing to see the person that you swore to protect and care for, with the same pain. I am thrilled that she understands that the Watchtower is not everything it claims to be, but I am also very sad that she has to endure the pain. I am also feeling guilty that I am the root source of the pain.

  What do you think, Is it better to happily believe a lie, or is it better to be miserable and know the truth about the organization?

  I hope that we can heal together.

  SIAM
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  leavingwt

  What do you think, Is it better to happily believe a lie, or is it better to be miserable and know the truth about the organization?

  This varies from person-to-person. This is demonstrable.

  However, I agree with Hassan. Within every human being is the desire for FREEDOM.

  We each much choose "comfortable delusions" of varying degrees.
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  ABibleStudent

  stuckinamovement - What do you think, Is it better to happily believe a lie, or is it better to be miserable and know the truth about the organization?

  Hi stuckinamovement, I am sorry that your wife and you are feeling so much pain and disillusionment. You both should feel happy that you broke free the the mind control of the WTBTS. In a year or two your wife and you will be able to answer your own question with a resounding "Yes", if you have the courage to change and grow. Now might be a good time to see a therapist, who is aware of the special needs of people who have suffered from mind control, with your wife. Seeing a therapist may help your wife and you start running sooner and faster so that you can enjoy your lives more. Good-luck!! You are both lucky because you are leaving together with your love for each other intact - it doesn't get better than that!!

  Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,

  ABibleStudent
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  Billy the Ex-Bethelite

  I remember that feeling. I first went through depression because of how miserable I was living in "the truth." Then as I woke up to the truth about "the truth," I went through more depression. It was as if my pet tiger had just died and my paradise home had burned to the ground. I mourned and still mourn over the wasted years and opportunities. I grieve over the prospect of losing friends and family when I disconnect from the hive. But mostly I've healed. I've recovered from the worst of the withdrawal and look forward to living a real life rather than existing in a Watchtower induced coma of darkness and mind-control.
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  just n from bethel

  Hey that's still good news SIAM. If it wasn't hard to leave, it wouldn't be a cult. I always like to think: it could be worse - you could've been born muslim in a country that practices the death penalty for defection.

  Maybe you can remind her how awesome it is that you guys are going through this journey together. So many of us have to do it alone while our spouses prefer the org over a more complete family relationship.

  It's not anyone's fault that they were born into a religion. It's not anyone's fault that they trusted their parents' choice of religion was the right one. It sucks to find out that our parents were wrong and that you too invested so much into something that turned out to be one big deception. But after the shock of the realization wears off, it's not so bad. If anything the experience makes us so much better as people. The lessons we learned from the whole experience will prove invaluable for our entire life. What better thing to look forward to - and to share it as a couple - what a bond - congrats!
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  nugget

  Speaking for myself there was initial anger and a morning process it is natural, the religion was essential part of life and part of what made me who I was. I also found that all the answers were ripped from me and it was like I had lost my balance. There was a low period but once I changed my focus onto what direction the future would take and how we would be as a family things started to take a more positive turn. I started to appreciate the lack of stress as the hundreds of reasons to feel guilty were gone. We appreciated time we were spending together not just being in the same place together but actually enjoying one anothers company. The chance to think and express thoughts without having to edit for appropriateness was such a breath of fresh air.

  We got to a point where we had to draw a line between our old life and the new and we were happy to make that adjustment.
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  Mad Sweeney

  No matter how hard it is to leave the cult together, think of those around JWN who have left it ALONE with a spouse still in. Yeah, it is hard emotionally but together you can build a new life for yourselves.
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  stuckinamovement

  JIFB, Nugget, ABS and Madman,

  Thanks for the insight. I know that time will heal all. It is a crazy process. Last night she asked how I dealt with it. I told her, I go from being angry to depressed to angry again. I can't wait until we both reach the acceptance phase and start planning our lives forward.

  SIAM
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  zoiks

  I can't wait until we both reach the acceptance phase and start planning our lives forward.

  It's a good place to be in together. Here's hoping it comes sooner rather than later for you, and without too much turbulence along the way.