As some of you know I have been pretty open with my wife about why I resigned as an elder and the doubts that I have. To her credit she has not shut me out or spoken to the elders yet. She has commented in the past that she sees things within the organization that don't seem to have God's stamp of approval.
Several nights ago we had a really intense conversation. She told me that she is angry at Jehovah for allowing his people to be mislead by men who claim to be spirit directed. She said "how can God leave 7 million righteous people on their own?? She also said that she felt numb inside.
She expressed disappointment in the overall spiritual direction that we as a couple are going and is convinced that unless we are able to serve God in an active way that our lives are pointless. She openly wondered if I was being used by Satan to destroy her faith. I countered that all I am doing is comparing the doctrines and practices of the org with the scriptures. If Satan use the scriptures to cause questions then we are all screwed. She strongly feels that God will make another way of worship apparent to replace the corrupted Organization.
I will be honest, it is terrifying to see how mind controlled a Witness can be and the mental turmoil that they go through when they begin to realize that what they believe is a lie. Witnesses are taught not to trust their own hearts and minds when it comes to questions about their faith. It seems as if as Witnesses we are wired with a self destruct mechanism in our minds. We become so reliant on the organization to think for us, and to give us direction it becomes almost unbearable to imagine ourselves without it. When you are repeatedly told from birth that you can't trust your own heart and mind it becomes almost impossible to ever do so because you second guess yourself every step of the way. That's where my wife is right now. Anything that is not congruent with her current beliefs is viewed with skepticism. How is it possible, that this organization can get so many people to believe in a concept that has no proof, or scriptural, historical or scientific merit and yet when the person is confronted with a conflicting idea actually based on science, history, or the scriptures they default to what they have been taught. It is crazy how mind controlling this religion is. The sad thing is if you are able to break free that you are psychologically and socially damaged.
I told her about having a conversation with a nice Mormon guy that we both know, and how he has the same bible based morals as we do and preaches what he believes to be the truth. He sincerely believes that what he has with the Mormon faith is the truth even though other people look at his belief system and think it is nuts. I asked her, what makes us any different? She responded that what makes us special as an organization is that you could go to any Witness's house and feel safe and secure with your brother or sister. I asked her if she would feel safe in Brother Child Molesters house? Silence... I told her that I do not feel that an organization that claims to be directed by God could be repeatedly wrong in its predictions. She was quiet......
Through all of this we have drawn closer as a couple. We read the bible every night and have been praying for God's direction and wisdom. I can tell that she is at a crossroads and will make a decision one way or another pretty soon.
The fact that she is angry at God tells me she sees the truth about the truth. Best wishes to all others out there in the same situation.