I am sorry you feel so cruddy. It is a vicious circle when you feel like junk on the inside, and are not motivated to do anything about it. I always seem to need something to look forward to. If I don't have that, I am a LMCP-little miss crabby pants as I have been referred to.
You need something to be excited about, to plan for, to look to the future about. Easier said than done. Winter time sucks if you really experience winter.
I wish I could help, I would do my best to break the cycle for ya. Is there anything that really gets you excited or interested in?
I went through a nasty spell when I was exiting the JW's and starting the divorce process. My JW family left me for dead, I was reparing a relationship with my other ex-JW family, my husband was a total emotionally draining ass hole, and I felt like a bad mom for changing my kids lives. I moved out of my pretty (marital) home into a little house in a neighborhood that had a rodent issue. I eventually went to the doctor and she said I had seasonal depression. I couldnt bring myself to explain the whole JW divorce thing to her. I took some pills. Don't think they helped but they did cut my appetite so that was a nice effect, skinny jeans ya know. Once in a while I get a bout of the blues back when the loss of family gets to me and I go see a therapist. She helps so much. Therapy is really great if you click with your person. I wish I had some magic words, but I don't. You need to figure out and be determined how to beat this slump. It might take time. Hang in there.
I know we are not close, but if you want to talk, I am available and am a good listener. Take care my friend. :)
