by notverylikely 150 Replies latest jw friends
"Well, she's leaning towards scriptural divorce. Will wait a few days to decide."
NVL, i really hope the two of you can come to a positive conclusion in all of this,
if she leans towards a scriptural divorce , why can't you show her from the scriptures
where her faults lie, and explain to her that you both made mistakes and it's up
to only the two of you to work it out .
Be yourself, but be nice to your wife; its only a religion- don't let them f---k up your family. my .02 worth.
knot,
Its part of being a man but Its not pride. Its self respect.
Elderelite.....
'man talk'.... I really don't get that.............. but I discern it is a male truth..... so I digress as I am sure it aids in the balance between the sexes.
____________
What I do I know is what she has said in regards to taking you back.........
It basically means woo her back....and it is a good opportunity, one you know you don't fully deserve. (ie you wouldn't take her back under the circumstances)
In dubbieland (remember she is in a cult, you were once alseep like her) going back to the meetings is wooing.... it also gives you the opportunity to resume your place in the family as head of household....leader of FWN and other influencial positions
You have far greater control and influence in a temporary undercover job once you start to regain trust.......and she wants to earn that trust back.
You can do a 'bible study' with her taking the momentary lead, but allowing yourself to ask the 'right' questions, questions that can lead you to suggesting the history overview and letting her in what we all know as common knowledge.
If she was going for a full on sciptural divorce......she wouldn't have given you a chance to win her back.
Women like to feel special and valued....(just like you boys do too).
Remember you did just confess to obliterating every aspect of her life (spiritual hopes, marital fidelity)
You will never be able to remove this 'stain' from the fabric of your marriage, but she does appear willing to try and mend it.
A marriage counselor can help yall fix or dismantle yalls marriage with at least some sort of dignity and closure
believingxjw... your comments are ignorant, offensive and bloody unhelpful. Raising our children as JWs is what all of us did before we escaped the brainwashing. What a useless and dangerous attitude you have in telling someone to throw their hands up and leave their children to the clutches of this cult.
To the others who are pushing marriage counselling for NVL - can I just ask, with respect, what is your motivation for encouraging the marriage? In my humble opinion I cannot see how a marriage between a witness and an apostate could possibly be healthy. Add in the fact they were already experiencing marital problems and to me the answer is obvious.
NVL, you have a right to be in a healthy relationship with good sex life and with a person who respects your beliefs. Don't settle for anything less. Sadly, your children will suffer whether you stay or go. Now that you are not wearing your dub blinkers and you won't take any more of their shit, your home will not be one of peace. There will be some tough times ahead for your wife, for your kids and for you. You are not to blame, the Jehovah's Witness religion is to blame.
I am speaking from my own experience. I don't know your situation well. Having said that, in my opinion, if you stay you will only be dragging out the agony.
Yknot, I see your point, but personally I would sooner stab my own eyeballs out than live life as a hypocrite. But that's just me.
I totally agree with everything Hot Chocolate said - and I know the situation quite well.
Hugs NVL.......
Just do what you know to be the 'right' thing for your family.....that way you won't have any regrets.
Divorce is hard on kids, but so is living with 2 unhappy parents. My parents (pre-JW involvement) stayed together "for the sake of the kids". Our lives were a living hell, and we were always in fear of someone, or everyone, being killed.
Their marriage finally ended 24 years ago. They're both dead now, one in 2001 and the other in 2006. My nightmares remain.
I suggest trying marriage counseling, but if you see no progress in a reasonable amount of time then maybe it's better to divorce.
W
One more point, although it may be too late.
If you can avoid disfellowshipping, it may be worthwhile. Just feed them bullshit for now, you've been severely depressed and not thinking straight and yes you believe the borg is the earthly spokesperson of God (groan)... see if it works, you never know. Then if they try to see you again later, tell them that you are having a mental breakdown and cannot face the discussion.
I made up my mind if they were going to play their stupid little games, then I'd play right back. My family are all dubs, so avoiding the df title was important to me, only because it is important to my family.
If you don't have family in, then let 'em disfellowship you, it's the perfect way to stop the do-gooders coming around to upbuild you.
x
I haven't beleived for years, been faking it. I am leaning towards what you are saying, hotchocolate. I think in the end, the religion is a huge thing that won't go away and that i am betting off taking up the ass in the short term to save my kids' future. If they, in the end, decide when they are older to become a JW knowing all the facts, I would support that. I will support their mom financially and supprt her authority when she has them and just be their dad that they can trust to talk to.
