Definitely getting DF'ed now (page 3)

LostGeneration

Yeah I agree....but still if its being used against you in that way....what else is going to happen?

notverylikely

i don't fucking know what i want, except not to be shackled to this damn cult anymore.

jwfacts

Sorry to hear you have to go through all of this, and I hope it all works out for you and the children.

she said she could probably forgive me if i really honestly tried to get back in and be a good JW, but if i didn't want to teach the kids that way i should leave.

After telling an elder I felt the Watchtower was a damaging cult he said a similar thing about am I not concerned about my children. I couldn't understand how he felt I should worry that the children will not be raised as JWs when I just told him how damaging I felt it would be. Your wife seems to also miss the point. You have shown you do not agree with the GB, of course you are not going to want to leave and let her control the minds of your children.

yknot

Play smart at this point....force clarity and strategy........

notverylikely

she's at her parents with her bible right now (they live next door). we'll see what happens

Finally-Free

I'm not excusing my behavior, but when your partner witholds affection for months at a time (like, 6, sometimes) because you aren't spiritual enough....well, if there's no food at home, you go out to eat.

Same thing happened to me. When the elders turned down my pioneer application the affection at home stopped. Stupidly, I hung in there for 11 more years thinking it might get better. It never did. I should have left much, much sooner.

If you need to leave get a good lawyer asap.

W

hotchocolate

I really feel for you, when I found out the real "truth" I also was forced to make decisions about my marriage.

I know this is a scary thought, but I urge you to consider it. You have said that you already have issues in the marriage. Six months?? PLEASE. That is just freaking ridiculous. Of course you went and got it elsewhere. YOU HAVE MAJOR MARRIAGE PROBLEMS, with or without the truth. Now you also have the insurmountable issue of apostasy. In her JW eyes, you are almost like the devil. And this is a healthy relationship how exactly??

The children is where you need to stop and think. No-one can tell you what to do on that. Very tough facing the thought of seeing them less often. But be realistic. If you work full time, you probably only spend the last hour of the day with them? On the weekends, you waste Saturday and Sunday mornings dedicated to the Watchtower Society. Imagine the quality time you could have if you alone had them over every second weekend. And then you would be free to stand up without hypocrisy and gently teach them the real truth. The thought of less custody is scary, but the benefits make it worth considering.

I left a marriage that was actually a very good marriage in many ways. The clincher was when I realised that our beliefs were too far apart for reconciliation. You can't live with someone that thinks you are the Devil. It was very difficult, very lonely and scary. I had been married 17 years (married at 18). Still, I have NOT ONE REGRET. It was the best decision of my life. Trust me when I tell you that if you make that decision, in a years' time you will wonder why the hell you hadn't done it earlier. Don't sit around letting your wife control your future, take the decision into your own hands.

Good luck, and don't be so hard on yourself.

x

Definitely getting DF'ed now

Share this