Definitely getting DF'ed now

by notverylikely 150 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  palmtree67

  Damn.

  Just....damn.

  Been through alot of the same of crap, darlin'.

  My kids were 20 and 13, though. The older one was already out and the younger one is out now, too.

  I don't think there is a magic formula for getting through this. Just "ride the wave" as best you can. Shore will be there at the end, guaranteed.

  Focus on your children and getting them through it. Then you will have no regrets later. Even if they don't appreciate it at first, they will later on. Mine did.

  Please let us know you you are doing.

  (((( NVL ))))
• 

  notverylikely

  The children is where you need to stop and think. No-one can tell you what to do on that. Very tough facing the thought of seeing them less often. But be realistic. If you work full time, you probably only spend the last hour of the day with them? On the weekends, you waste Saturday and Sunday mornings dedicated to the Watchtower Society. Imagine the quality time you could have if you alone had them over every second weekend. And then you would be free to stand up without hypocrisy and gently teach them the real truth. The thought of less custody is scary, but the benefits make it worth considering.

  This is exactly what I am thinking at this point. Don't forget every other holiday, though.
• 

  yknot

  SUGGEST COUNSELING...... In all fairness I too would be at my mother's under such circumstances. You messed up, we all know if you told the Elders about the alienation of affection....and claimed it led ur apostasy too.....they would tell her to be a better wife. I would think for the kid's sake you would give a very serious go at fixing things.
• 

  notverylikely

  yknot....can't do it. i can't go pretend in front of them. fuck them and their bullshit fake ecclesiastical court.

  With regards to the kids, if they choose when they are 18 to be JW's with all of the facts laid before them, i won't stop them. i won't oppose her taking them. but i will not let them go without know all sides of the story.
• 

  yknot

  ....screw kangaroo court..... see a professional marriage counselor at worse they can help yall transition to re civil divorce... I really think she is will to forgive but you have shook her world. Is a joint review of the older pubs
• 

  believingxjw

  Notverylikely,

  Go then and let the chips fall where they may but remember you chose the course you did. No, not the adultery the choosing to leave when you knew it would cost you. And most likely big time. Please, don't come back crying, like so many here, that your kids will not visit you or will not speak to you. If you do not choose fading that is your right but remember they also have a right to do as you brought them up to do in their religion.

  You and your wife raised little JWs. Just because you choose to leave it does not mean they will like little robots and follow you.
• 

  wasblind

  NVL,

  "still, i shouldn't have done it."

  Yes that may be true, But why be so hard on yourself, your not the only one in this relationship that made a misstep.

  your spirituality may have fallen, but yours was not the only one 1 Corinthians 7:3-4 States " Let the husband render to his wife

  her due; but let the wife also do likewise to her husband. The wife does not excercise authority over her own body, but the husband

  does, likewise, also, the husband does not excercise authority over his own body, but the wife does."

  Now, true christians just don't pick and choose which scripture they want to follow do they ? Did she or didn't she contribute to the situation.

  she needs to take accountability for her part also, before the both of you can move in a positive direction.
• 

  elderelite

  Yknot, I love your kind heart. Truly. but a wise man once wrote,

  (Ecclesiastes

  3:1-8)3 For everything there is an appointed time, even a time for every affair under the heavens: 2 a time for birth and a time to die; a time to plant and a time to uproot what was planted; 3 a time to kill and a time to heal; a time to break down and a time to build; 4 a time to weep and a time to laugh; a time to wail and a time to skip about; 5 a time to throw stones away and a time to bring stones together; a time to embrace and a time to keep away from embracing; 6 a time to seek and a time to give up as lost; a time to keep and a time to throw away; 7 a time to rip apart and a time to sew together; a time to keep quiet and a time to speak; 8 a time to love and a time to hate; a time for war and a time for peace.

  This one dosent seem fixable.
• 

  mkr32208

  SUe for custody like right now then kick the b word to the curb...
• 

  LostGeneration

  So believingxjw what the hell is your solution? Leave them in the cult without a fight? Have notvery act like a good little JW for the rest of his life and expect his kids will leave on their own when they are 18?

  I think Notvery's point that he will not oppose them but will let them know all sides of the story is a perfectly justifiable way to go now that he knows the truth about the truth. Just because they raised them this far as JWs doesn't mean he doesn't have the right to change his mind, despite the unjust baptismal vows the WT placed on him. Let the chips fall where they may....