Hi brotherdan - as a relatively recently exited cultist (my poison was Mormonism) I think I can empathise a little and hope I have some useful thoughts:
1 - Facing the reality that your worldview, especially one you are heavily invested in could be fundamentally flawed, is a psychologically repugnant and traumatic experience. Renaai /Debator/Your wife/friend (and then of course all of us) will almost always shy away from a brutally honest, naked self-examination of our beliefs because it physically hurts so much. Defending our own worldview is like a beautiful smooth and creamy bar of chocolate to a ravenous dieter; it doesn't matter whether we know it's wrong and harmful the immediate hit is so wonderful that its hard to stop. Debator gets much needed mental satiation from the 'fight' regardless of the point that to any outside observer she/he is merely eating chocolate while dieting.
2 - Having a strongly ingrained worldview means a certain physical brain wiring - literally the brain cannot perceive certain stimuli. Showing an invested JW a WT article saying one thing and then another article contradicting it is the equivalent of putting on an infra red light show - it really cannot be seen no matter how obvious it is. Debator really cannot see any logical flaws - to him any damning evidence is like a burst of unitelligble static. This is how brains work - it's part of our self defence and filtering mechanism to allow us to perceive and make sense of our vast world.
3 - Knowing the above suggests a way to share insight and together change EACH others worldview. Each of us has a 'door' in our mental filtering, ways for alternate worldviews to be processed before our brain filters alter or delete them. My doors were: A very close trusted friend leaving my faith, this forum (a similar religious experience but from an organisation I already deemed other and wrong - similarities became too obvious) and finally a deep feeling of unease at the lack of evidence of my own convictions. All debates with born -agains, atheists, concerned friends etc.. merely attacked my mental castle at its strongest point and bounced off my illogical / emotional / pedantic / sophisticated reasoning.
Here is my suggestions-: Listen with every faculty you've got to the person who you wish to share your worldview - listen for their door.
When you think you've found it - knock and wait to be let in (i.e. don't dive in the moment you think you found a crack in an argument) - sharing worldviews cannot be done in mental combat.
Once your invited in don't lay waste to someones worldview with a barrage of information and rhetoric - surgeons don't operate with wreckless abandon but with respect. If your sharing worldviews you're metaphorically deep inside someones personal and very precious mental wiring - be gentle and very patient.
Like any great guest return the awesome compliment and invite that person to share their worldview by inviting them inside your mind.
Practically what did all that guff mean? It means I'd humbly suggest you and your wife will change together and you'll do it more quickly and wonderfully on a picnic blanket than hunched over old WTs chewing dusty facts. Talking honestly without a need to convince your wife will do more to convince her! It will change your worldview too. I've talked my changes this over with my wife (she's still LDS) but we've got closer because (and I have made mistakes) I've discussed my changing worldview by discussing my fears , my confusion and my breakthroughs and sharing her sadness, disappointment (with me eek!) and her hopes. Together we are examining what we both believe. Together we are inching to a new evolving, personal worldview.
