Farewell to all

by Amazing 99 Replies latest jw friends

  • GinnyTosken
    GinnyTosken

    Tina,

    Im not going to get into the issues right now.But I will say one thing.I asked you via email if we could discuss it there.I was not up for a dissection,yet you ignored my request anyay,
    You wrote to me and told me what you'd prefer. If you read your e-mail to me again, you'll see that you made mention of other factors, but not your emotional state.

    I did not ignore your request. I carefully considered your preference and weighed it against my value for fairness, my value of loyalty, my own preferences, and my need to be true to myself. Neither of us are shy about dissecting the behavior of others on the board. I feel both of us should be held to the same standards we use for others.

    With what I knew at the time, I made the best decision I could. Had I known that you were grieving on the anniversary of Frank's death, my choice would have been different.

    "I feel it is presumptuous for me to judge the behavior of anyone but myself" your words.
    But then you preceded to do just that.
    Yes, I have formed an opinion of your behavior. As best I could in my post, I tried to describe the behavior I observed without condemnation.

    I value you tremendously as a friend, Tina. I'm right there along with Englishman in admiring your feistiness. I wholeheartedly agree with UncleBruce when he says, "At least Tina comes to the aid of people hurting. At least Tina puts her cards on the table. You always know where you stand with that girl." I understand that you are as as passionate about the people you love as you are about the people you dislike.

    My intent has been to show I care.

    Ginny

    "Love isn't about pansies and daffodils. Love is hard core. It doesn't float around and make your life all pretty, it puts you to the test." --Beth Orton

  • teejay
    teejay

    Ginny,

    Must bullies voice their opinions respectfully? Who decides what is allowed and what is not allowed?

    No, bullies may voice their opinions however they see fit and often do. My statement is that those bullying methods would not go UNCHALLENGED, at least not by me.

    "Judge" is a fat word with many meanings and nuances. I wish I'd chosen a better word, but I can't think of one that exactly suits what I want to say. I associate judging with my life as a JW and think of it in terms of condemnation and punishment, treating someone harshly, without tolerance for their own beliefs.

    That's a nice way of defining the nature of the word "judge" -- fat. It's why I avoid its use (along with "worldly"). Having spent many years as a JW, certain words have a distaste in my mind, let alone my mouth. Surely with your fondness for the dictionary you'll be able to discover a workable alternative to it.

    I feel I have a right to form my own opinions, and a right to express them. I don't feel I have a right to dictate the choices anyone else makes in their life. I don't feel I have a right to speak authoritatively about anyone else's motives and intents other than my own. I don't have a right to determine how other people should behave. I don't have a right to dictate to anyone else what is right and what is wrong, what they should do, or what they must do. In this sense, I will not judge.

    Every once in a while you give indication of one with a firm grasp of reality. (<---- joke)

    Me: You are saying something other than what JanH actually said. He never said that "some people's thoughts are superior to others." Are you making that inference? In the meantime, what do *you* mean by "superior"?

    You: I was working from your guess about JanH's intent: "I believe it was his intent (I could be wrong) to show that certain ones of his liking offered thoughts and opinions that were somehow superior to everyone else's." I also said, "Let's suppose you are right [about JanH's intent]," so this is a theoretical case.

    "Working from my guess" .... "working from my guess." Let's see... does that mean that you were, uh... guessing?... or otherwise forming an hypothesis based on a guess? Shame on you, Objective Ginny!

    You're smart to ask me to define my terms.

    Me? teejay? Smart? Damn! I guess we *all* have our good days...

    Dictionary definitions usually work well for me

    Do tell...

    I don't really like the idea of "importance" because each of us decides what is important to us. I was thinking more along the lines of quality and excellence, but even that is subjective.

    Keep going, Ginny. You're making fine progress...

    As I see it, JanH can tell me what he thinks is excellent and of highest quality. I am free to look at the same thing and say, "I think that's a piece of shit."

    Well I'll be!!! That's kinda what *I* thought months ago with respect to JanH and years ago otherwise. Go figure. You better watch it, G... you're starting to think like *me*!

    If [JanH] forms opinions about quality and excellence, his thinking does no harm at all.

    The problem, of course, is when those *opinions* move beyond the thought stage and become potentially damaging words and acts as has happened.

    Is it wrong to denigrate opposing views? Are some views less valid, worthy, and worthwhile?

    On the first question, I'm not sure -- denigrate might be too strong a word. On the other hand, what's the harm in calling a stupid idea a stupid idea? I'll have to think about that one.

    On the second question, aren't we back to a matter of personal opinion? Subjectivity? I believe so.

    Me: No, and I'd thank you to not put words in my mouth please. I never said that Jan's THINKING was elementary and backward. What I said was that his opinion about board luminaries was.

    You: Substituting "thinking" for "thought" was careless of me. It was not my intent to twist your words.

    I take that as an apology. You are forgiven. Don't let it happen again. <---- joke

    I could have worded my reply more carefully: Have you considered offering him a strong logical argument to prove that his thought that "those who have attacked me in this case aren't exactly the luminaries on this board" is elementary and backward?

    No. JanH can have a deathgrip on whatever elementary, backward, dumbass and stupid idea he wants. I didn't care then and care even less now to correct what I feel is the erroneous thinking of JanH. I'll leave that up to others who are better qualified and waaay more interested. His thoughts were never the issue. What he SAID was.

    I want you to know that my opinion of you since then has changed. I now see redeeming qualities, and you no longer disgust me. I have seen that you are tenacious and stand up for what you believe in. You admit when you are wrong. You care deeply about your friends and family and want to protect them.
    Please accept my opinion for what it's worth.
    As was the case with your "laughingstock" comment and your "you disgust me" comment and your "I see no redeeming qualities" comment, I always have taken your opinion for what it's worth, Ginny! I always have.
  • Julie
    Julie

    Hi Teejay,

    While I have merely breezed through the incredibly verbose exchange going on here these words caught my eye:

    :Instead of asking me if Julie was right about amazing being a coward, you were asking if Julie was right about... hell... I don't know *whatK* were you asking about. Either way, it's a moot point. You asked me if Julie was right and when I answered (essentially an "I don't know... ask Julie"), you reply by saying that YOU "have no right to judge whether Julie was right or wrong." If YOU have no right to "judge," then why ask me MY opinion?

    Let me save you some time and trouble dear. Whenever Ginny or anyone for that matter asks you "Was Julie right about (insert topic)?" you can safely reply "Yes."

    Just funnin' ya,
    Julie

  • bigboi
    bigboi

    ROTFLMAO!!!!!

    Ginny and Teejay/ Sittin in a tree/.....hehehehehehe

    ONE....

    bigboi

  • SixofNine
    SixofNine

    For what it's worth, Teejay, your notion that JanH's use of the word luminaries to describe the better (in his opinion) posters on this board was somehow wrong, or out of line, or clique forming, or even insensitive, is both stupid and tired.

    That's not my opinion, that's a fact.

    edited so my sentence would make a modicum of sense. talk about stupid!

  • teejay
    teejay

    Julie,

    What was I thinking?

    ---------------
    Bigster,

    Stay out of this....

    ---------------
    Six,

    As per your comment... one thing Ginny and I agree on: people are entitled to their opinions, even if they are wrong.

  • GinnyTosken
    GinnyTosken

    Bigboi,

    Ginny and Teejay/ Sittin in a tree/.....hehehehehehe
    Liar, liar, pants on fire!

    Ginny

  • JanH
    JanH

    Six,

    Isn't it amazing how so many people can misread such a simple sentence?

    Somehow proves the point I was trying to make originally. But they aren't exactly the guys who invented the wheel are they? (now, wait for claims that I take credit for the wheel!)

    - Jan
    --
    "Doctor how can you diagnose someone with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and then act like I had some choice about barging in here right now?" -- As Good As It Gets

  • SixofNine
    SixofNine

    Aww, this is beautiful. You guys use protection now, y'hear?

  • teejay
    teejay
    I will guess at your thoughts, Teejay. I am nearly certain that I offended you when I said, "For those who have met me, you are quite a laughingstock, Teejay." I was angry when I wrote it, and my intent was to offend and vent my feelings. At the same time, I made a statement I believed to be true, and I was willing to stand behind it. Your stance on that issue was ridiculous to those who had met me. They were laughing. I offered no apology because to say "I am sorry" would have been a lie. I was not sorry. I felt I had patiently and repeatedly tried to explain myself to no avail.

    I'm also fairly certain I offended you when I said, "I . . . patiently wait to see these redeeming qualities, but plainly stated, based on what I've seen of you on this board, you disgust me." This statement expressed what I truly felt at that time. I was angry, and I chose to use strong words in expressing my opinion.

    I did not offer an apology because I was not sorry.

    From what I've seen of you on the board since then, I gather that you are a man who wants to do what he believes is right, no matter what others think of you. My opinion of you will not sway your actions.

    That said, I want you to know that my opinion of you since then has changed. I now see redeeming qualities, and you no longer disgust me. -- bold mine

    Ginny,

    Before this thread reaches "archive" status, I'd like to comment on this guess of yours.

    You indicated that one of our your goals in making certain expressions in the past was "to offend." You say that you are "fairly certain" that your words achieved their desired effect -- that your verbal spears had found their mark. As justification for your cutting remarks, you say that you believed your opinion was true. You also say that you were angry and had your words achieved their desired effect my feelings would have been injured.

    I will say to you now what you said to me earlier in THIS discussion: Guess Again.

    Whether or not you had just cause to be angry, I can't say. I CAN say that in the matter of your 'gender joke' I (and Bigboi) had just cause to be deceived... even angry. You say that "your stance on that issue was ridiculous" but what you will apparently never see nor own up to is that my "stance" regarding your gender was based entirely on YOUR WORDS ! What reaction your friends had to the situation was and remains totally, 100% irrelevant. At no time was it ever *my* intention to hurt *your* feelings regardless of what I felt was true about you, unless forcing you to stand by your own words can be said to be offensive. Undoing the damage you did would have been easy had more humility been at your disposal, but I digress.

    Your personal attacks on the three occasions -- the "you are a laughingstock" comment, the "I see no redeeming qualities" comment, and the "you disgust me" comment -- had absolutely NO affect on me and I'd like to tell you why. I want to tell you because it bears on the very topic that started this thread. Amazing left/broke off discussions/went into lurker mode in part because he felt the relevant issues being discussed had devolved into a fistfight -- a war of personal attacks. He was wrong of course (imo) but it might have helped had he looked at that misgiving of his from the way I look(ed) at personal attacks (perceived or real) made toward me since my arrival here.

    There is a truth that cannot be challenged that stands as a reliable protection against ANY hurt feelings at times like this and that one unassailable truth is: YOU DON'T KNOW ME. The three verbal spears that you launched sprang from your perception and nowhere else. There was no connection between them and who I am. They DID have a connection with reality, however. That was: I *always* knew that they said more about YOU -- who/what you were/are -- than they ever could about ME.

    I know who I am. You don't. Your disparaging comments had no weight or validity because I knew you were speaking from ignorance -- your ignorance. Other factors were also at play I understood, but never did real truth or a harmony with the facts/reality as to the kind of person I am stand as any kind of support for what you said. For that reason, I could continue (and HAVE continued) to participate on this forum with you without malice, often doing so one on one. (be quiet Bigboi!... you know what I meant!)

    Why people's feelings are hurt due to comments that strangers make is a mystery that confounds me. I understand that an unusual helping of self-confidence went into my character development, but still the truth that "sticks and stones can break my bones but names will NEVER hurt me" is a grade school limerick whose truth is timeless. I understood it long time ago, it's simple message lives with me still, and why more don't believe it is a major mystery.

    I find it interesting that you seem to nearly brag (MY opinion) that you didn't apologize because... well... you weren't sorry. Interesting. It's one thing to adamantly refuse to say "I'm sorry" when new information shows us that a long held viewpoint has been right all along. It's quite another to show a staunch refusal to apologize when you make comments meant to injure (as you say was YOUR goal) or make comments that injure by mistake. I would think that when emotions settled and we looked back on it, we'd be happy to volunteer an apology. It's simply the right thing to do. I thought everyone knew that.

    In a recent thread (now deleted) I made some valid comments. When it was pointed out to me that my comments might be causing needless pain, I didn't mind nor hesitate to apologize publicly (twice) as well as privately in email several different times to several different people. I stand by the comments I made (I still think they are valid) but it's not my goal to hurt anyone's feelings no matter how right I think I am. I think you should think about adopting my viewpoint.

    Comic/writer/actor Steve Martin said: "An apology? Bah! Disgusting! Cowardly! Beneath the dignity of any gentleman, however wrong he might be." Is that how YOU feel? Is it beneath you, disgusting or cowardly to say "I'm sorry"? If that's how you feel, you need to adjust your thinking. We all make mistakes... even Ginny.

    Don't get me wrong. I am by no means fishing for an apology. I don't need/want an apology from you as it would be perfectly meaningless to me now. I say this only to say that in the future, when the time comes (it will) and you find that you are wrong, you lose no dignity saying those two little words. Quite the opposite. Objective, fair-minded viewers usually know that one is warranted so you might as well say it. A stubborn resistance to do what others know is right does nothing to build esteem.

    Last, you said that your opinion of me has changed because now you see redeeming qualities. I submit a second unassailable truth: I HAVEN'T CHANGED. The only thing that has changed about me is your perception. It was flawed in the beginning and time has filled in the gaps. Perhaps I should feel more relieved that you have 'come around', but you admit to having grossly flawed and negative opinions of me before and a desire to express them, certain (to you) that doing so would injure. For that reason, objectively I must view this current declaration of yours in the same light. You were wrong before so you could be equally wrong now. I do not know your intent and frankly, do not trust your intent. While I accept it and see in it a possibility that you may be more fair in your views of me in the future, what you say has no emotional or rational relevance to me right now.

    As I told my mother very recently, I am the same baby boy she raised long ago. The only difference between the me of today from the one of ten years ago is that I think different things relative to the WTS. My knowledge of the Society has been enhanced since coming to JW.com, but in the area of personal behavior and treatment of my fellow humans this forum has taught me nothing.

    What HAS happened is that based on some of what I have seen (present company included), I'm thankful that the teachings my parents instilled 40+ years ago have taken firm root and continually produce fruit for all to see. I need no confirmation of that from strangers.

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